overwhelmed and alone

[Googiepie]

I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. My toddler has become very clingy and if I don't pay attention to her for a few minutes or give her what she's asking for right away she starts doing this screeching whine it's driving me up the wall. The house is constantly a mess, I'm sick of it. I feel like I can't get anything done. I can't even enjoy anything as I'm constantly worrying about something or just negative thoughts are in my head all the time. I worry about EVERY.SINGLE.THING. I just wanna relax. I'm sick of feeling the way I feel. I just wanna be able to enjoy my life with my girls. It's even worse because I don't have anybody really to talk to. Their father isn't involved. Ugh I just feel like whining myself lately.

 

[SweetPea3200]

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this! I can't imagine raising kids by myself. Do you have anyone else around that can help you? Your parents or close friends? Maybe try to get out and join some mommy groups so you can have some other people to relate to and get out of the house. I find when my house is a disaster, getting out and doing something makes me feel a bit better about it. Also, you might want to consider talking to your doctor if you're experiencing persistent negative thoughts. Hope things get better for you soon! I'm sure your toddler will grow out of the clingy phase soon. Good Luck!

 

[Laurans]

Hi googiepie, I remember you from the pregnancy forums!
My situation is a bit different but still have some of the same feelings! I live with my hubby but in a diff country so while he's at work (long hours) I have no family or friends that are here to help!
My baby boy has just started being sick constantly and I struggle to even get myself something to eat let alone do any housework! It really gets to me!
Hubby us back to work properly Monday so apart from 4 hours or so in the eve I will be alone and I have been feeling really teary!
I go from feeling all gooey over my beautiful boy to feeling like I won't cope within a minute!
One thing that helps me is my baby carrier! I can't do too much with a 10lb baby at only 5 weeks on from c section but I can at least just tidy up after myself!
I'm sure ur doing a great job! Especially as you already have a toddler!
Sorry can't be more helpful but just wanted to say I probably have less on my plate than u do but totally understand ur feelings! X

 

[AK89]

I'm gonna reply to this in a bit because I'm about to have my tea! Hang in there hun, I know how overwhelmed and isolated you can sometimes feel when you're going through something like that.. I will come back and reply later. Hope you're OK

 

[AK89]

Hey

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. It sounds to me like you're struggling with PND/generalised anxiety. This is what I have and my symptoms are the same as yours (constant worrying/negative thoughts, always feeling overwhelmed, just wanting to enjoy your life with your kids and not being able to).

If you haven't already, you should go to see your doctor. This is what I did.. He referred me for therapy, but he said I'd probably be on the waiting list for about 3-4 months so he recommended taking antidepressants. I said no at first 'cause I'm breastfeeding and was worried it would affect my baby, and because I feel generally a bit weird about antidepressants. I ended up going back the next week though 'cause it became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to cope without them.

The antidepressants are a GODSEND. I really don't know what I'd do without them now. In fact I once had to go without them for 2 days 'cause I forgot to pick up my prescription before the weekend and it wasn't pretty. They took about a week to come into effect, and I did feel just a bit spacey/sickly in the evenings for an hour or so while they were kicking in, but it's not bad at all, and totally worth it. I've just finished my course of 6 sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy - where they basically teach you to recognise your thoughts and feelings and challenge your behaviour and thus overcome your anxiety/depression) and I've found it really useful. During the course of these 6 sessions though I came to the realisation that I have a few unresolved issues from my childhood that I think are affecting me and perhaps causing my anxiety/low mood. My parents split up when I was 5 and my mum had a hard time dealing with it.. she ended up in a relationship about 2 weeks after my dad left and the guy was literally sitting in our living room playing his computer in my dad's dressing gown. You get the picture.. I'm not saying I had a deeply traumatic upbringing or anything, but this, along with a few other things, definitely had an impact on me and the way I am today, I've realised. My mum was always really stressed as well when I was a kid, which I think has turned ME into a complete stresshead. So now I go and have a kid, and I get PND, and I'm thinking the reason is that I'm terrified of her going through the same thing I went/am going through!

Anyway...I'm sorry but I have to cut this short 'cause my DD has decided she doesn't want to sleep without me now so I have to go to bed! My OH is bouncing her until I'm ready to go to bed So I'll continue tomorrow...

Hope you're feeling better soon...just know, it's perfectly normal, and there IS a way out

 

[Googiepie]

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this! I can't imagine raising kids by myself. Do you have anyone else around that can help you? Your parents or close friends? Maybe try to get out and join some mommy groups so you can have some other people to relate to and get out of the house. I find when my house is a disaster, getting out and doing something makes me feel a bit better about it. Also, you might want to consider talking to your doctor if you're experiencing persistent negative thoughts. Hope things get better for you soon! I'm sure your toddler will grow out of the clingy phase soon. Good Luck!

I have my parents but our relationship isn't always the best. They actually took Mia to the mall with them for a couple of hours tonight so I can just relax with Yasmina. I've been trying to go to some mommy groups but Mia has been throwing serious tantrums lately. She's never been clingy until the baby was here. Hopefully, it's just a phase.

 

[Googiepie]

Hi googiepie, I remember you from the pregnancy forums!
My situation is a bit different but still have some of the same feelings! I live with my hubby but in a diff country so while he's at work (long hours) I have no family or friends that are here to help!
My baby boy has just started being sick constantly and I struggle to even get myself something to eat let alone do any housework! It really gets to me!
Hubby us back to work properly Monday so apart from 4 hours or so in the eve I will be alone and I have been feeling really teary!
I go from feeling all gooey over my beautiful boy to feeling like I won't cope within a minute!
One thing that helps me is my baby carrier! I can't do too much with a 10lb baby at only 5 weeks on from c section but I can at least just tidy up after myself!
I'm sure ur doing a great job! Especially as you already have a toddler!
Sorry can't be more helpful but just wanted to say I probably have less on my plate than u do but totally understand ur feelings! X

I'm lucky that Yasmina isn't a particularly a fussy baby. I can't imagine having a c section and having to be on my own. I understand how you're feeling though. Things will get better for both of us. My first was a horrible sleeper until about 12/13 months but time passed so quickly. I hope I'm making sense, Mia's back from her trip with her grandparents so I gotta type quick before my phone gets swiped lol

 

[justmeinlove]

18 months is a super clingy age too, so it will pass. Lots of hugs to you both.

 

[george83]

I can completely relate to how your feeling and wanted to send you massive hugs and reassure you that your doing a great job so please try to forget about everything else and just concentrate on how amazing you are to have been able to create two beautiful children.

I've got a 3 year old, a 16 month old and a 4 weeks old who was born by c section and spent 2 weeks in scbu before we brought him home. I'm still in agony from my surgery, exhausted from going back and forwards to the hospital to visit him and my 16 month old is really clingy too - if anybody comes to visit he screams and won't stop until I pick him up. My oh gets home just in time for my oldest to go to bed if I'm lucky but also suffers from depression so usually us in a fowl mood and I can't be bothered to even try and make conversation with him after looking after 3 bored children all day. I'm sure in time a routine will settle into place and things will get much easier. Until then try not to worry about the house or how things are going. Just focus on feeding cleaning and dressing your lo's and yourself

 

[Googiepie]

Hey

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. It sounds to me like you're struggling with PND/generalised anxiety. This is what I have and my symptoms are the same as yours (constant worrying/negative thoughts, always feeling overwhelmed, just wanting to enjoy your life with your kids and not being able to).

If you haven't already, you should go to see your doctor. This is what I did.. He referred me for therapy, but he said I'd probably be on the waiting list for about 3-4 months so he recommended taking antidepressants. I said no at first 'cause I'm breastfeeding and was worried it would affect my baby, and because I feel generally a bit weird about antidepressants. I ended up going back the next week though 'cause it became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to cope without them.

The antidepressants are a GODSEND. I really don't know what I'd do without them now. In fact I once had to go without them for 2 days 'cause I forgot to pick up my prescription before the weekend and it wasn't pretty. They took about a week to come into effect, and I did feel just a bit spacey/sickly in the evenings for an hour or so while they were kicking in, but it's not bad at all, and totally worth it. I've just finished my course of 6 sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy - where they basically teach you to recognise your thoughts and feelings and challenge your behaviour and thus overcome your anxiety/depression) and I've found it really useful. During the course of these 6 sessions though I came to the realisation that I have a few unresolved issues from my childhood that I think are affecting me and perhaps causing my anxiety/low mood. My parents split up when I was 5 and my mum had a hard time dealing with it.. she ended up in a relationship about 2 weeks after my dad left and the guy was literally sitting in our living room playing his computer in my dad's dressing gown. You get the picture.. I'm not saying I had a deeply traumatic upbringing or anything, but this, along with a few other things, definitely had an impact on me and the way I am today, I've realised. My mum was always really stressed as well when I was a kid, which I think has turned ME into a complete stresshead. So now I go and have a kid, and I get PND, and I'm thinking the reason is that I'm terrified of her going through the same thing I went/am going through!

Anyway...I'm sorry but I have to cut this short 'cause my DD has decided she doesn't want to sleep without me now so I have to go to bed! My OH is bouncing her until I'm ready to go to bed So I'll continue tomorrow...

Hope you're feeling better soon...just know, it's perfectly normal, and there IS a way out

Thank you! I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor and go from there. I have some really good days and some really bad days. I'm hoping things will get better. I just feelnso guilty for feeling like this.

 

[baileybubs]

Hi there googiepie, I think I remember chatting to you a few times over the last couple of years! I can completely relate to how you are feelinghunandit is so overwhelming. Since my son was a few weeks old I've been on my own with my 2 as well and they have a similar age gap to yours. I remember my dd being very clingy too and having tantrums at the slightest thing whilst my son then just constantly wanted to be held! One day I pretty much sat there all day crying on and off thinking I couldn't cope and how I was a terrible mother!
I found the key was organisation and getting out. Also not worrying about the mess in the house and asking for help.
You can do it hun, I know it's hard but it does get better I promise, big hugs xxxxx

 

[AK89]

Hey

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like that. It sounds to me like you're struggling with PND/generalised anxiety. This is what I have and my symptoms are the same as yours (constant worrying/negative thoughts, always feeling overwhelmed, just wanting to enjoy your life with your kids and not being able to).

If you haven't already, you should go to see your doctor. This is what I did.. He referred me for therapy, but he said I'd probably be on the waiting list for about 3-4 months so he recommended taking antidepressants. I said no at first 'cause I'm breastfeeding and was worried it would affect my baby, and because I feel generally a bit weird about antidepressants. I ended up going back the next week though 'cause it became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to cope without them.

The antidepressants are a GODSEND. I really don't know what I'd do without them now. In fact I once had to go without them for 2 days 'cause I forgot to pick up my prescription before the weekend and it wasn't pretty. They took about a week to come into effect, and I did feel just a bit spacey/sickly in the evenings for an hour or so while they were kicking in, but it's not bad at all, and totally worth it. I've just finished my course of 6 sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy - where they basically teach you to recognise your thoughts and feelings and challenge your behaviour and thus overcome your anxiety/depression) and I've found it really useful. During the course of these 6 sessions though I came to the realisation that I have a few unresolved issues from my childhood that I think are affecting me and perhaps causing my anxiety/low mood. My parents split up when I was 5 and my mum had a hard time dealing with it.. she ended up in a relationship about 2 weeks after my dad left and the guy was literally sitting in our living room playing his computer in my dad's dressing gown. You get the picture.. I'm not saying I had a deeply traumatic upbringing or anything, but this, along with a few other things, definitely had an impact on me and the way I am today, I've realised. My mum was always really stressed as well when I was a kid, which I think has turned ME into a complete stresshead. So now I go and have a kid, and I get PND, and I'm thinking the reason is that I'm terrified of her going through the same thing I went/am going through!

Anyway...I'm sorry but I have to cut this short 'cause my DD has decided she doesn't want to sleep without me now so I have to go to bed! My OH is bouncing her until I'm ready to go to bed So I'll continue tomorrow...

Hope you're feeling better soon...just know, it's perfectly normal, and there IS a way out

Thank you! I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor and go from there. I have some really good days and some really bad days. I'm hoping things will get better. I just feelnso guilty for feeling like this.

That's normal too! It's horrible isn't it I was starting to really beat myself up about it cos I was thinking "This is what I've always wanted, and she's such a perfect baby! Why do I feel like this?! " And I was worrying myself sick that she could pick up on my mood and feeling bad that I often didn't feel up to entertaining her. It gets better, I promise. And you're not on your own! All of these feelings are, unfortunately, normal. I know that made me feel better when I was at my worst.