Overwhelmed

[Goolia]

Hi all...still relatively new here, and I hate asking for support from a group I am not really a "part" of, but I feel like I have nowhere else to turn. Apologies in advance if this is a bit long.

I am 38 years old, pregnant with my first, and based on my last menstrual period, I am about 6 weeks and 3 days along.

I live in Vancouver Canada, and from what I can gather from reading various threads on this site, things work a bit differently in Canada versus the US. For example, apparently you don't get your first scan until around 10-12 weeks.

I have been calling around to various midwifery groups in my area (there are 3 midwives in my "catchment" area) and have left multiple messages, but have yet to receive a call-back from anyone. So, not sure what is going on there. Is obtaining a midwife generally a tricky process or...?

I have a GP who is about a 45 minutes drive from where I live - he is located where I used to live, and I never switched doctors because I basically never get sick, and all I ever did was see him once a year for my pap. He's an OK doctor but I don't feel overly comfortable relying on him as my primary care-giver, mostly due to the distance, but also because he is just a GP and I am over 35 and really want more personalized midwife-type care.

Right now my pregnancy symptoms are fading which has of course got me worried (even though I know that does not automatically mean miscarriage). I called my GP about it and spoke to him over the phone and he didn't seem concerned because I have not had any bleeding or cramping. I asked him about getting an earlier scan - just so I know there's even a baby IN there - and he just said that typically you don't get a scan until 12 weeks....end of story, basically.

I just feel really alone and overwhelmed. I just want a health-care provider I can ask questions of and who will do their best to address my concerns, but I can't seem to find anyone to help.

I know no one here can really help me with that, but I guess am just looking for reassurance that I am not being overly "demanding" in wanting an earlier scan, just to see if everything is progressing as expected?

Sorry for rambling, I just want to feel like I am not crazy for worrying about all this!

 

[lilmamatoW]

Hi Goolia,

I am sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed and I live in the States so I can't really help you with how the system works in Canada, but there are many women on this forum from Canada, so hopefully, they will be of greater help to you. I only wanted to post to say that it's natural for you to be concerned about your medical care. You are embarking on a major body change/adventure...so of course, you want to be confident in your care? Perhaps you might be able to speak to you GP about finding a caregiver closer to where you live? I think that's a reasonable request for help.

Also, I am 6w2d today, so we are only one day apart! So congratulations! And all the best to you!

 

[Joannaxoxo]

Hi Goolia,

I live in Canada so I know what you mean. I called my GP when I found out I was pregnant (around 4 weeks along), I got an appointment at 6 weeks. The doctor basically took my blood pressure and weight and asked me some questions. So they didn't even confirm the pregnancy! I was then sent to our local Life Labs clinic where they took a blood test. I had my next GP app at 10 weeks, again, took blood pressure, weight and a urine sample.

I had my first ultrasound at 12 weeks for the early testing to check for abdormalities. So far that is my only scan, my 20 week ultrasound is booked for Nov 15th. My doctor's office does not have an ultrasound machine, so I have to go to our local hospital for those. We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time on Monday when I had my 4 month ultrasound, my GP used a doppler machine.

So I completely understand how you feel. I read on here about people paying to have an extra ultrasound just to give them piece of mind, but I don't even know if that is an option over here. I am not using a midwife, so I am not sure how easy/hard they are to come by in your area. My suggestion to you would be to make an appointment with your GP for the time being until you can secure a midwife in your area.

So far all my blood tests and my 12 week ultrasound has come back normal, so I am just trying to keep this in mind when I feel worried at times. But I know how it is in the beginning when everything is new and your not sure what is going on. I have learned to worry less as time goes on, which I am sure you will notice too.

Good Luck x.

 

[Goolia]

Hi Goolia,

I am sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed and I live in the States so I can't really help you with how the system works in Canada, but there are many women on this forum from Canada, so hopefully, they will be of greater help to you. I only wanted to post to say that it's natural for you to be concerned about your medical care. You are embarking on a major body change/adventure...so of course, you want to be confident in your care? Perhaps you might be able to speak to you GP about finding a caregiver closer to where you live? I think that's a reasonable request for help.

Also, I am 6w2d today, so we are only one day apart! So congratulations! And all the best to you!

Thanks for that reassurance! I think I will ask my GP for some further guidance regarding finding a provider nearer to where I live. I think he just assumes that I know who to call/where to go, because I live in Vancouver city itself...but clearly I don't know what the heck I am doing, hah.

Funny we're only one day apart! Congrats to you as well!

 

[Goolia]

Hi Goolia,

I live in Canada so I know what you mean. I called my GP when I found out I was pregnant (around 4 weeks along), I got an appointment at 6 weeks. The doctor basically took my blood pressure and weight and asked me some questions. So they didn't even confirm the pregnancy! I was then sent to our local Life Labs clinic where they took a blood test. I had my next GP app at 10 weeks, again, took blood pressure, weight and a urine sample.

I had my first ultrasound at 12 weeks for the early testing to check for abdormalities. So far that is my only scan, my 20 week ultrasound is booked for Nov 15th. My doctor's office does not have an ultrasound machine, so I have to go to our local hospital for those. We heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time on Monday when I had my 4 month ultrasound, my GP used a doppler machine.

So I completely understand how you feel. I read on here about people paying to have an extra ultrasound just to give them piece of mind, but I don't even know if that is an option over here. I am not using a midwife, so I am not sure how easy/hard they are to come by in your area. My suggestion to you would be to make an appointment with your GP for the time being until you can secure a midwife in your area.

So far all my blood tests and my 12 week ultrasound has come back normal, so I am just trying to keep this in mind when I feel worried at times. But I know how it is in the beginning when everything is new and your not sure what is going on. I have learned to worry less as time goes on, which I am sure you will notice too.

Good Luck x.

Oh, glad to hear my experience is not unusual in terms of the Canadian healthcare system! I was worrying I was taking the wrong approach or being too passive or something like that.

I have done some initial research into the option of a private scan, but it seems as though those are only offered in terms of genetic screenings (and gender screenings), which cannot be done any earlier than 11 weeks.

Really, I just want to know if there is an actual baby in there! Without any real strong pregnancy symptoms, it's a bit unnerving to think I have to wait another 5-6 weeks before I can even find out if the pregnancy is "real" ya know?

But yes, I think I will make an actual appointment with my GP (not just a quick phone conversation) and keep on searching for a provider closer to me in the meantime.

Thanks for your reply!

 

[Sewergrrl]

I am not Canadian, but find it odd that being 38 with your first doesn't automatically get you an early scan. I know it's completely dishonest, but can you go to the ER and tell them you bled and are cramping? They may give you an ultrasound that way.

 

[Joannaxoxo]

I felt the same way, other than my two postive pregnancy tests, I didn't have any conformation from the doctor. They just said that the home pregnancy tests are just as accurate as the ones they give so there was no point.

Sewergrrl: I know a lot of people who go to the hospital to get an early scan because they are worried and lie that they had bleeding and some cramping. So that is an option if you really wanted to try. I did worry at the beginning but just kept thinking in my mind that as long as I didn't see any blood that things should be just fine.

 

[lilmamatoW]

Hi Goolia,

I am sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed and I live in the States so I can't really help you with how the system works in Canada, but there are many women on this forum from Canada, so hopefully, they will be of greater help to you. I only wanted to post to say that it's natural for you to be concerned about your medical care. You are embarking on a major body change/adventure...so of course, you want to be confident in your care? Perhaps you might be able to speak to you GP about finding a caregiver closer to where you live? I think that's a reasonable request for help.

Also, I am 6w2d today, so we are only one day apart! So congratulations! And all the best to you!

Thanks for that reassurance! I think I will ask my GP for some further guidance regarding finding a provider nearer to where I live. I think he just assumes that I know who to call/where to go, because I live in Vancouver city itself...but clearly I don't know what the heck I am doing, hah.

Funny we're only one day apart! Congrats to you as well!

And my other question is this...do you have a hospital not too far from you where you would like to give birth? And wouldn't the hospital be able to set you up with a dr affiliated with that hospital? I know I live in the US, but we have a very popular women's hospital where I live and many women select their doctors based on whether they will be able to have their babies at the hospital. Just a thought.

 

[java]

I live on Vancouver Island, and I have to say, the care I've gotten from my OB/GYN has been amazing!! I had an U/S at 6 wks, 8 wks, 12 wks, 20 wks, and will have another at 28 weeks. Granted, I have a history of 3 m/c's prior to this pregnancy, but anything I ask my doc for, I pretty much get (not that I've asked for much; just saying she always listens to my concerns and addresses them).
They will usually give you an early U/S if you have bleeding and/or cramping ... you could always feign some fake cramps ...

 

[happymamma]

Im not too far from you, Im in Alberta! Something I just learned about midwifes here, if you send them an email or leave a message, say that you are looking to have a home birth. Even if thats not what you want, you can always change your mind... after you have her as your provider! As for now and getting an early scan, if you go to a walk in clinic, since I dont think ur dr is willing, say that you dont know how many weeks you are since you have messed up cycles. They will want to do it just for dating! The early scans are best for accuracy. Then, you will check for viability at the same time. There's also private clinics where you can pay for an early scan, if you really want to go that far. I refuse to pay for something health care pays for, its just getting our dr's to send us for it lol. Also, being over 35, and your 1st baby, I really dont understand why ur dr is refusing! It will give you the peace of mind you need right now!

We're all here for you, new or not, we will help you and support you. This is a really big moment in your life! There's so many questions you will have ecsp being your 1st. xxx

 

[happymamma]

Oh I also wanted to add, (pg brains fault ) Have you looked into hiring a doula? I didnt with my 1st, and wished I did. I then hired one for my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th delivery. My dh decided I didnt need one for my 5th , he said he will be there for me and do everything she did. Well, he didn't! He did snore quite a bit,.. but this time I hired one. Its amazing the difference it makes when you have someone there on your side, not trying to rush things like some hospitals do, give much needed advice, massage, reassurance that you can do it. Well, thats if you dont have a partner who does that. Then she's good for keeping labour notes and guidance. Just thought Id mention incase you havent heard of a doula, and find out after its too late.

 

[JJBump1]

Hi Goolia!

I'm 41 and pregnant with my first. My first visit to my GP was at about 5 wks and they confirmed my pregnancy with a urine test and I followed that up with a blood test. My first scan was at 11wks. Given that I didn't have any pregnancy symptoms other than sore breasts, I had to have faith that all was well until my first scan too. Have some faith in your body - if you don't have spotting or cramping, then trust that all is well!

Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[Torontogal]

Hi Goolia,

I live in Toronto, and I am 36. Not sure if the midwife availability is the same as it is over there but I have heard that if you want a midwife you need to find one early. I decided on midwifery for the same reasons you state. I called as soon as I tested positive and managed to get one, but often people get appointments and then drop out/decide midwifery isn't for them so it really pays to get on that waiting list.

Since you have already called I bet you are on a couple of waiting lists. My advise is to call back and make a pest of yourself because the receptionists probably bet a little forgetful when it's hectic in the office. I had a question for my midwife recently and had to call a couple of times but I feel I always have her undivided attention when I am in front of her (I have only seen her once though).

I had everything you described - not a lot of symptoms, wondering if there was really a baby in there, etc. and the first midwife visit was at 11 weeks which seemed a very long way when I was at 4-8 weeks. I only had my first ultrasound a week ago at 12 weeks and my first question to the sonographer was "is there really a baby in there" because I didn't entirely believe it (yes, there was, and he/she waved, see my other thread).

I was my family Dr. at 6 weeks because I just couldn't face waiting so long to see SOMEBODY and it was really just a chat. She said she would test me if I wanted but the home tests are very accurate and coupled with the fact that I was 2 weeks late and had been trying to get pregnant she felt a pregnancy test wasn't needed, that all signs pointed to yes. I agreed with her at that point. She recommended a book (The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth), told me not to eat tuna fish, told me not to consider myself high-risk because I'm 36, congratulated me, and sent me on my way.

I feel for you, the long wait during the first trimester is agonizing, and I know the feeling. Someone on the board said something that resonated with me at the time - we are lucky in a way to be left alone because it says something about our relative risk factors - because it's the ladies that are really high risk, those with miscarriage histories or other health conditions that get all the attention because they really need it (I paraphrase).

And the only way being over 35 really makes a big difference is the risk of trisonomies and there's nothing they can do for that until your 12 week scan anyway. If one is going to miscarry very early there isn't much they can do unfortunately.

However, most pregnancies are fine, likelihood of you and baby being healthy is very high, and I really hope you find a midwife Looking forward to hearing your updates, all the best!