Parenting Style Conflicts

[kassiaethne]

While My husband and I were eating in a restaurant and we started discussing how my parents used to do the whole dad said no but mom said yes so I'm going with the yes thing. And we got onto how we would want to handle discipline and parenting ourselves.

While we both agreed no matter what we have to support the other in front of the child no matter how wrong the other one is. We can go to the bedroom and discuss it later and take action from there if we disagree but no letting the child pit one parent against the other. Kind of oh dad said no let me go ask me kind of thing. if dad said no it is no and if mom said no it is no.

But then we went into what happens when they said why. I kind of like the idea of explaining things (once if they get obnoxious with the but why I'm going with I just told you so now it is because I say so)

But his view is I don't have to explain why and I wont. If I say we are going out we are going out I don't have to say where or why we just are because I said so. He is very into the "because I said so" law of man. He said he was raised this way and he had no problem with it. His mom would take him to go on the bus to downtown (This is brazil btw) and that would be a 2 hour bus ride then an hour of walking (for a 5 year old) and then if he was lucky he'd get a macdonald burger (haha spelled it donaldo because his name is ronaldo) as a treat. And he didn't complain he just did it because mom said to and that is what you just have to follow....(he is second generation japanese born and raised in brazil. but his traditions are very japanese as is his parenting style)

Now I kind of wonder who's parenting style is best. And which I'd prefer to follow. And if I decide to be an explainer and him a cuz I said so kind of parenting will it conflict.

If we go by how his childhood was and mine his is kind of the winning argument...

Has anyone else come into this conflict with their DHs? and what did you do? and how is it turning out?

 

[isil]

I was quite idealistic about raising my son, in that I intended to be very calm and honest about everything (not always easy when they're asking questions 16 hours a day!). My ex (son's dad) was raised by a nanny and the only contact he had with his parents tended to be punishment (physical). At least when he was a preteen. We did split up, but not because of our differing parenting styles. I basically explained to him why I didn't think it was appropriate and used research (web pages etc) to back myself up.

My son is a really happy and well rounded little boy, very independent. I've always explained myself and my actions to him and I think that had helped.

 

[JASMAK]

My husband can be, what I call 'military' with no explaining, but, I tell you, they usually appreciate an explanation and it makes it smoother. Doesn't mean I give in, but...we are not the military. We are quite strict, but, we RESPECT. That is key.

 

[freckleonear]

Most "whys" can be a valuable learning opportunity. Occasionally I do get frustrated and eventually resort to "because I said so!" but that doesn't really help anyone. I don't want to train my children to obey blindly, I want to teach them to make the right decision.