Parents and in-laws very disappointed about my birth wishes

[CapitalChick]

I was wondering if anyone else managed to crush the dreams of their parents and/or inlaws with their birth wishes. It seems these days that whenever my Dh and I tell our parents how we want things at the birth of our child, they get so angry because it's not how they pictured it. My in laws told DH yesterday that they wanted to know AS SOON AS anything happened so that they could come to the hospital and be there for the birth. DH told them that we didn't want anyone there until after the baby was born, and they were upset. DH explained that we want the first 2-3 hours for ourselves and the baby only. We didn't think this was unreasonable.

DH told them that I am extremely stressed by the idea of having family wait in the waiting room for the birth. I know it's insane, but I will feel very rushed and I'll feel guilty if it takes long. I do not want anyone waiting for me. Initially I really didn't want to tell anyone I was in labour until after we had the baby. But now that doesn't seem to be possible.

I'm just so upset that whatever I want makes them so upset. I hate upsetting our parents like this...but what can I do??
Am I being unreasonable?

 

[miel]

you have the right to do whatever you want babe...and they need to respect that ...i am sure they may be upset right now but when the baby will be here they would no longer care about not being right here with you guys...


i can't believe it's almost time for you to meet your baby ...what a long journey !...glad i share some of it with you

Miel.

 

[Vickie]

nope not being unreasonable at all IMO. Surely they'll forgive and forget as soon as LO is here

 

[isil]

at the end of the day, they're going to get a grandchild. Whatever happens now will be forgotten the moment they hold him or her. My in-laws weren't quite as full on but we still had to 'have words' with them about it.

 

[Elli21]

This is your and your OH baby, your labour! and your experience! Dont worry about upsetting people hun, just do what you want to do, or you will resent them for interfering!
Stick to your guns hun xx

 

[princess_bump]

i agree, stick to your gunns and do what you and your OH feel happy with. i was very stern about my labour wishes - i wanted mum and james there but no one else, i wasn't ready for visitors till the next day, and then it was on our terms, it was so much better that way, made me feel much more relaxed x

 

[nikky0907]

You and OH are the most important people in this and the best thing is what you feel is comfortable.

Hell, I crushed my parent's dreams when I got pregnant but once again, it's not their life.

 

[vicky]

The hospital wouldn't let them wait out side the room, and come in to the labour ward anyway, only two people plus you are allowed in the room. but that is in england.

Its your choice though hun. don't let them make you feel guilty.

 

[Samantha675]

You are not being unreasonable at all. This is your birth, your labor, and you have to be comfortable about it. I would tell them that you are sorry they are disappointed, but these are your wishes. You will call them once you are ready for a visit. I told my mother that if during my labor she bothered me, she would have to leave.

 

[fernie3]

dont tell them they will get over it - I think any family I had in the waiting room would have been traumitised since I screamed the place down lol

sophie

 

[Vickie]

My mom (who lives in Texas) CALLED the hospital and asked to speak to me about 2 minutes before Hannah was born

 

[Tiff]

There's nothing wrong with wanting things done your way. Remind both sets of grandparents that they had their ways when their children were born, and now you are having yours. Remind them too that since YOU are the one that's going to be going through labour (which is no picnic btw) that whatever it is that YOU need, YOU will get.

OH and I kept friends/family out for about an hour and a half after Claire was born (I think... give or take a half hour). I don't regret it in the slightest. I was lucky though, at our hospital the birthing unit is locked and you have to be buzzed in to get through. I told my nurses that I didn't want anyone but my OH going into my room until after I had the baby.

On another front, you could always do this:

Let them think whatever it is that you want them to think, and then when the time actually comes for you to be in labour, don't call to let them know until you're ready for them to come. You could always say that you got caught up in the moment of everything and forgot to call. Worth a shot? Although I do think it sucks having to be slightly decietful.

 

[mrsdcooper]

hey, let them be upset the minute they meet the baby they will forget and all will be forgiven. dont have anyone waiting i was in the hospital for 21 hours - thats a long time for them to be waiting.

i didnt want anyone knowing i was in labour but when the time came i did tell the parents - just take it as it comes,, its YOUR baby and YOUR labour, do what feel right at the time, you honestly dont know how you will feel. we allowed parents to see baby for 5 mins each after the birth - we called they drove up had aquick cuddle and then went home for the night and came round the next day. be ready for the manic visiting you wont know if your coming or going - buy lots of tbags and milk we went through so much

 

[Pyrrhic]

They should not be trying to make you feel bad for your choice, instead they should take a look at themselves. The only reason why they want to be there is for selfish reasons. They just want to see the baby. Well they will see the baby plenty after the birth, and for the rest of its life. Childbirth is one of the most traumatic things you can go through, and they need to respect the fact that you need to recuperate. My in laws got upset I didn't want them at the hospital, but why on earth would I want visitors when I have just given birth, am knackered, struggling to BF and very poorly from a lot of blood loss with bed pads and big ass knickers on. I mean c'mon!

Stick to your guns, and point out how selfish they are being. It is YOU who is going through this, therfore it is YOUR choice.

 

[PitBullMommy]

I did the same thing. DH's whole family wanted to be there when Char was born and I told them to piss off. There was NO WAY I wanted them to be there and I didn't allow them to come until the next day, and they were only allowed to stay for an hour. Dh's family and I do NOT get along though. I certainly heard about it, but TDB for them. You do what YOU want to do to make YOU comfortable. It's your L&D, not theirs!

 

[MoonMuffin]

They'll get over it as soon as they see the baby. My mom really really wanted to be in the room for Kathryn's birth but I told her I wanted it to be just me and my DH. She was upset and kept asking for a while, but she got over it (ended up with a c-section anyways). Besides those first few hours are important for you and your baby to bond and enjoy each-other. Just be firm, it's your birth and your baby, they are perfectly capable of waiting a few extra hours.

 

[BlackBerry25]

I was the same way, except I didn't want any visitors until I got home. My mom and stepdad rushed right up, even though they said they wouldn't and they waited and popped in once in awhile to say hi and check on me and my mom kept trying to stay in the room, but when I started pushing I kicked her out. She was kinda hurt, but I had to do what I needed to do.

Next time I think I would allow more family, since I know what to expect.

It is perfectly acceptable for you to have them wait at home.

 

[Chel]

My midwife gave gthe advice of, just dont tell anyone your in labour and they cant get angry at you at the time, and also, once you've waited until your ready and settled (even the next day) to tell them you've had the baby, more often than not everyone is just so excited that there is a beautiful and healthy baby that they forget to get angry at you anyway.

MY MIL was the same, she just wanted to be in the hospital when I was delivering, which was stupid, as it took me more than 48 hours of 'labour' in hospital to end with a c-section ANYWAY.

We had 'agreed' that we'd let her know when I went into hospital... But, we told her the night that we'd had the baby and she came to see him first thing in the morning, which was fine... she hasn't said a thing about it!