Parents of 3 or more whose oh had said "no way!"

[Lois]

Hello, hoping to hear from parents of 3 children (or more) who at one time had their OH say they did not want any more than 2. How did the change of heart happen? How long did it take?

As you can probably guess I am VERY broody for number 3 but OH is adamant that he doesn't want a third. I haven't nagged at him at all, we haven't spoken about it much (mainly because I'm not ready to cope with an unhappy end to the conversation). I would never trick him or guilt trip him but I definitely want a third and I don't know where to go from this point.

 

[mumnbean]

"You will never regret having another child, but you may regret not having one!"

I'm not really in your situation, as hubby and I both feel our family is complete... but, I really had to push hard for my 2 as hubby wasn't really fussed at all. Now he absolutely dotes on both of them and couldnt imagine life without them!!! The argument above really sealed the deal for my hubby when we were talking about it though. Good Luck!

 

[Lois]

Thanks, I agree with that entirely.

 

[helloeveryone]

Hi my partner only wanted 2... Managed to talk him in to one more,,then another one ...I secretly have always wanted 6 children..( didn't tell my partner )
Anyway I now have my 6 children and couldn't, be happier ..
Luckily for me it didn't take him to long to agree to one more..
But I think he would of said no to me earlier if he knew my secret target was 6 children...
Just want to add he is very happy we had so many baby's but has put his foot down now and says no more baby's..(but that's fine with me )

GOOD LUCK with talking him into having one more, I know how it feels to want one more...

 

[Lois]

Here's hoping I can be as persuasive as you were!! Thanks. Lx

 

[MonyMony]

We just kept talking and talking and talking about it for well over a year. Over and over again we each presented our side of things until we could start to see meeting in the middle.

The clincher for him was actually sitting down and working through a budget--several different scenarios--that showed him we could afford another child. His concern was also lack of time, so we make pledges of how much time each of us could take for ourselves (one night a week guaranteed for each of us, and regular date nights). The thing is, you have to know yourself and know if you can really keep to the agreement!

 

[Lois]

Thanks for your reply. It sounds like you and your OH were able to reason it out very well. I feel entirely confident that we could manage very well. We differ on our views of what is acceptable though. For example, I think it is reasonable and potentially beneficial for two young children to share a room, he thinks it is overcrowding. I think the practical hurdles he cites are actually just a cover for the fact that he doesn't want to sacrifice any more of his own time or our couple time to another child...whereas I feel that we will only have the opportunity to be at this stage of our lives once and I don't want to rush away from it so that I can have back the free time that will be abundant anyway later on.

Lx

 

[MonyMony]

Agree with you Lois. There is a limit as to how long you can have kids without complications. And that was part of our discussion too. OH wanted very much to be able to stay late at the office whenever he liked, and he was looking forward to ever increasing amounts of time for us as a couple and for travel. So it took a long time for him to see my point, and to think that maybe yes he might miss having kids in the house. I think it also weighed on him that I wasn't happy for a very long time because we had this decision looming over us. I guess maybe my determination won him over a bit!

 

[Trevolaur]

Dh did NOT want more than 2 after our first two came so quickly. He was adamant. Then, when our first two were 4 and 5, he saw the light. He realized that it's not so bad, because life calmed down. So, he was in for number 3.

Now, #3 is almost 2, and DH is on board for #4!! I never would have guessed I could convince him for #4. I brought it up, and within only a day he agreed. Wow.

So, there's hope. Sometimes it just takes getting out of toddler-craziness before they feel like life won't be hopelessly chaotic.

 

[RachA]

I do only have 2 but have always wanted 4.

My oh is totally against any more children. We have talked about it and I have agreed that we are sticking with 2. I don't agree with the sentiment a PP put - I know that if we had another child whilst my oh was not in agreement then he would regret having another child as he 100% does not want anymore. Yes I will regret not having anymore but I'd rather that than my oh resent me or the 3rd child because I'd forced him into it.

As I said, my oh and I sat and talked about it on a number of occasions and each time I did feel disappointed but I also grew to understand and respect his reasoning and so I am happy with the decision we made.

 

[MonyMony]

So, there's hope. Sometimes it just takes getting out of toddler-craziness before they feel like life won't be hopelessly chaotic.

This!!

 

[JASMAK]

"You will never regret having another child, but you may regret not having one!"

I'm not really in your situation, as hubby and I both feel our family is complete... but, I really had to push hard for my 2 as hubby wasn't really fussed at all. Now he absolutely dotes on both of them and couldnt imagine life without them!!! The argument above really sealed the deal for my hubby when we were talking about it though. Good Luck!

I used this, but my hubby nver said 'no way', he just preferred 2. He is very happy with 3 kids.

 

[wamommy]

Our situation was the opposite. DH wanted another one, and I didn't! It took a year, but he finally convinced me. I wouldn't change it for the world, though. #4 on the other hand, neither of us saw THAT one coming

 

[FeistyMom]

OH and I both came from families with 4 kids, so that was part of my rationale for wanting 4. I also pointed out that having 4 means in games and arguments there isn't always one odd man out, and given the arguments and games and experience we both remembered, that sealed the deal.

That said, he was never adamant about stopping at 3. He is VERY adamant that 4 is the limit - we basically run out of room in our current house which we can't afford to move out of, would not fit in any of our current vehicles, and he makes a good point.

I'm so hormonal right now I oscillate between 'WHAT WERE WE THINKING??' to 'we should have FIVE!'. Go figure.