partner is too scared!!! need advice!!!

[mum.of.one xx]

ok so heres the problem my partner has a family history of fertility problems and after trying for just over a year im trying to encourage him to get tested and see if there is any problems so if there is we can work on trying other ways of having a baby,but when i mentioned it to him he freaked out and told me he dosent want to get tested because he is to scared that the out come wont be good and that it would completely crush him,which i understand but wouldnt you rather know and try and work around it rather than never finding out and continue to be heartbroken every month??

I completely understand that he is scared and would be really hurt if we were to find out there is problems but how do i get him to see that i will support him and be there for him 100% and that getting tested will help us get on the right path..

 

[StephieB]

I don't really have advice, but DH was exactly the same when we reached the 12 months mark.

He was born with an undescended testicle which he had removed when he was a few months old, and he was told by doctors that only having one testicle would make it a little more difficult for him to have children, so when a year rolled around he was convinced it was him, and that I was leave him when it was in writing

It took him another 2-3 months to make the appointment with the GP to get a SA done, I think he just needed time to get him own head around it and prepare himself. Which he needn't have bothered doing because everything came back absolutely fine. Count of 45million and motility of 65%, he just produces a much smaller amount (only 1-2mm, so softcups are a good idea for us).

Obviously I don't know your DH, but maybe hes like mine and just needs time to get his head around it and prepare himself, he obviously wants this as much as you, and hopefully he'll come round soon

 

[mum.of.one xx]

thank you for replying its good to know that someone else has been through it too,it hurts me to know how scared he is and i know how badly he wants to have a baby but because i have a child from a previous relationship he thinks its all his fault we cant conceive which i believe is wrong it could be any number of reasons.
i hope he finds the strength to do what your DH did
good luck to you hope you get your BFP soon

 

[MrsAttard]

We had the same issue earlier this year. We'd guessed back in the beginning that his numbers were probably low bc of a medication that he takes. After more than a year of trying, and then his dr confirming, we knew that something was wrong and he needed to be tested to know just how bad it was.

He stalled and stalled, and finally started saying things like, "maybe I don't want kids; I think I'd be fine if I never had kids," but I knew he was just trying to convince himself and that it wasn't true. I think he thought that finding out the truth would be too much, and that it would somehow mean it was all over. Even after scheduling the SA, we rescheduled twice bc he chickened out. I was just like, "really?! If we get preg I'm going to spend 9 months preg and then labor, and you're complaining bc you have to masterbate into a cup?!!" When he finally went....he didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

The results weren't good, (see sig) but after a few months of grieving and coping, we're ready to move on to the next step. After everything was said and done, he agreed that even with bad results it was better to know than not. I think we all know that men's egos are rather fragile, and the thought that they could somehow 'fail' is rough on them.

I'm not sure what could possibly help bring your DH around, but maybe you could look into his lifestyle choices first. You know, cutting down on possibly smoking or drinking, tight clothes, etc. Or put him on some vitamins to help. Does he realize all the things that can negatively effect sperm? If not, then maybe showing him will encourage him to get tested. Also, talking to him about the options if he has low sperm, like a minimum of 5 mil means you can at least do IUI. Good luck!