Partner suffering depression.. Need help!

[Kellysheree]

My OH is suffering from depression badly, he is saying it's because of the baby and all the changes this baby will bring. He has completely freaked out and doesn't think he can do it..

I already have 2 children from my late husband so I think once the baby comes he will be ok, but I don't know how to help him or comfort him.. Everything I say seems to be wrong.

I'm 13 weeks along and in the beginning he was so excited.. It's only been the last week it's become real for him and now he is scared..

Any advice or ladies whose partner is suffering also??

 

[Misscalais]

Im not sure how you can help. Will he speak with a professional?
My DH struggled big time when we found out this time ( as this bub wasn't planned and he was meant to have the snip. ) im almost 28 weeks now and hes only just starting to come around but still not happy about it and is very stressed. I know once she arrives though that he will be ok.

 

[dimmu]

My DH had this when I got pregnant with DD. He had a pretty tough childhood and upbringing and think the thought of becoming a dad brought up a lot of bad memories and issues. He saw a therapist a few times and it really helped, he was also on ADs for a while. Throughout the pregnancy he seemed pretty detached, he came along to all the scan and appointments but otherwise seemed quite disinterested, you know no talking to the bump or anything.

When DD was born, however, he suddenly really stepped in and completely changed his attitude. He used to carry her in a sling/wrap a lot which really helped them bond. He's now the best dad DD could wish for and is absolutely brilliant with her and all her friends.

 

[Marumi]

My husband has a tendency for depression and is reading the mood cure right now. For him most is diet related so as long as he avoids certain foods he great. Also there are supplements that help with the absorption of necessary amino acids for serotonin production. Modern foods lack it nowadays, even organic:
5 - HTP
L - TRYPTOPHAN

 

[Kellysheree]

It's comforting to know he isn't the only one..

He is going to Seek help which is great. I hope he can get a little of that excitement back, it's really sad not having that from him.

I'm trying to see it from his perspective and I understand how daunting it all is for him.

 

[laila 44]

Oh that's too bad sorry you are both going through this. I don't have any experience except I wanted to say that speaking to a professional is a must he will feel much better about it afterwards I'm sure. Was he o board with baby initially?

 

[Kellysheree]

I would say yeah maybe a little overboard at first.. I was shocked how well he took it tbh.

Now he is the exact opposite. Doesn't really seem to want apart of it. It's honestly heart breaking.

 

[laila 44]

I'm sorry to hear that maybe he just needs some time to get his head around it all... I'd give him some space and not push the issue...

 

[Marumi]

My husband had a phase with our first where he did not feel ready (he was only 21). It really changed after his birth though and got better later in pregnancy. It also helped that I was doing a lot and our son mostly clung to me.

 

[Kellysheree]

I'm so scared he isn't going to come through this.. Be there for me and the baby.

I'm completely beside my self..

He has an appointment with the doctor tomorrow which is a great step in the right direction.

I'm just so scared right now I'm finding it hard to enjoy anything 😔

 

[dimmu]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I don't think there's much you can do, at least he's seeking help which is a huge step towards the right direction. I wouldn't push him to talk about if he's already doing something about it.

Quite a few year's ago a friend of mine got pregnant by accident and wanted to keep the baby whereas her partner didn't as he felt he wasn't ready. Throughout her whole pregnancy he was in complete denial and not once even talked about the baby or the pregnancy. It was very awkward, they'd have people over for dinner when she was heavily pregnant and everyone had to act as if there was nothing going on and no baby. She of course found the whole situation really hard but it helped to talk about it to her friends. The moment she went into labour it was like a switch went on, he called a cab for her, was brilliant through the labour and has been an amazing dad since. Guess he just needed the time to come to terms with the whole thing. Hope it will be the same for you and your partner.

 

[Kellysheree]

Its so nice to hear a positive outcome..

I really hope that's the case with my partner, he seems so lost. Can't find enjoyment in anything he does. He is absolutely miserable.

It feels so horrible knowing I'm the reason for it..

And not that I would have gotten a termination, but if he wasn't happy about it all from the beginning it would of been easier to handle I think. But having 8 weeks of him being excited to then do a complete 180 is heart breaking.