party etiquette

[shanny]

had my sons 6th birthday party today

had invited quite a few - his class (small school) plus a few extras - we live in a small village so we all know each other and who is invited to what

some siblings were invited some were not

one boy and his mother turned up with an uninvited sister dressed as a cowboy ready for the party and then stayed as if she was

made whole party very awkward as other siblings came as others were being dropped of that were not invited

it was as if she had rung and asked..........but hadn't

I know its just one more but there were several siblings in this situation and I just feel she put me in a difficult situation

and yet its me that feels bad

I never said anything and found and extra party bag for her too

oh says I should have said something - not that he did

maybe its not a big deal but seems unfair on rest of kids that were not invited.............

is this ok or not??

 

[lindseymw]

I wouldn't bring Jacob to a party that Joshua is invited too.

Joshua is going to a party next week and it hasn't crossed my mind to just bring Jacob along. If I was struggling with childcare, I would ring in advance and explain and ask if it was ok, but I wouldn't just turn up.

I think that was quite rude of this woman and did put you in a awkward position. What would have happened if you didn't have enough party bags? I would have said something to her along the lines of "oh I wasn't aware that xxx was coming?!"

 

[Rachel_C]

It's difficult. Part of me says that if you see a mum dropping her child off at school every day and she always has another child with her you should kind of expect that she might have to bring the other child too, especially if you're expecting the parents to stay for the party... but on the other hand, I would make arrangements for my youngest to stay at home if she wasn't invited (and if I couldn't, I would ask the mum of the birthday child if I could bring her, but not expect food etc). For my daughter's party I'd always make up extra party bags etc just in case, because things happen and people don't always realise they should ask.

Honestly, I wouldn't invite some siblings and not others... if everybody knows each other perhaps the mum heard that other siblings were going and didn't realise that they'd been specifically named on invitations?

I don't think it would have made you feel any better to mention it, would it? "Hey little girl, you're not invited so why are you here?" Even if you said it really quietly to the mum, it would have filtered down and that's just sad I think you did the right thing not making a fuss - much happier all round!

 

[OmarsMum]

It happened, I wouldnt make a fuss out of it or speak to the mum, but next year if they are invited I'd make it clear that siblings are not invited xx

 

[JASMAK]

Omg....this happens soooo much here! Especially when my kids were young. Now we actually plan parties for siblings, because they show up anyways. I know totally what you mean! You feel obligated, but then bad for the other siblings you turned away....and I felt angry because its extra costs too!

 

[Abigailly]

I would just call it a learning curve. You'll know for next year.

 

[shanny]

thanks guys - its just hard because there are many siblings and it makes it look like we are favouring some

I just wish she had at least phoned and asked ...........a lot to do with her and her wanting to be out, which is unfair on the child

I am not the first it has happened to with this person.............not gonna be the last

 

[RachA]

I wouldn't bring it up this time but I would make sure that in the future it's clear it's no siblings unless actually invited.

I'm actually quite harsh-if a child turned up at a party and they weren't invited and the parent didn't ask if it was ok then I would not give them a party bag. I don't see why spares should be made up 'just in case someone else turns up'. I'm quite happy to do party bags if a child is invited but I don't get a response and they do turn up.

 

[joeyjo]

thanks guys - its just hard because there are many siblings and it makes it look like we are favouring some

I just wish she had at least phoned and asked ...........a lot to do with her and her wanting to be out, which is unfair on the child

I am not the first it has happened to with this person.............not gonna be the last

But you were favouring some, you said yourself that you invited some siblings.

I have a 23month old, I take him to a party my 4 year old went to, we did leave the 4 year old but we spent 30min there at the start and he took some crisps etc. I wouldn't have expected him to be fully involved or have a party bag etc but the party was manic and the kids were running everywhere and I wasn't happy to leave my elder one there initially.

 

[shanny]

siblings are different ages so some are in my sons class some are older ............so yes some, the younger ones, were favoured

the sibling that came was older...................I would be more forgiving for a younger one

I think I should have held back the party bag it would at least have sent a message

he ho that's life

 

[JJKCB]

im worried about this, it my sons party on the 11th and its booked by head count in advance (as they're going to the cinema) and the invite clearly stated 'drop off' time and 'pick up' time so any parent/siblings that want to stay will have to try and buy their own tickets but im still worried lol

to be honest I wouldn't assume both kids where invited (if I had 2) but depending on party (i.e if its in a village hall or community center over an actual specialized party) type I probably would bring both as I couldn't just shoo one for an hour or so (especially a baby/toddler) but wouldn't expect a gift bag for the uninvited child for older children 5+ I would ask if they where invited in the RSVP