people are so rude!!!!

[ab75]

So we didn't announce to anyone until after 13 week scan. Nobody knew we were trying as it is nobodys business and this is baby no.3 but pregnancy no.8.
I am so angry that people (friends and stepmum) have asked if it was planned, if it is what we want(wtf) and just been quite rude in general. We are as excited as we were with baby dd1.
Had anyone else experienced this and do you have any smart arse replies that I can use!? Xx

 

[UnderPressure]

People ask me that about ours and we went through infertility issues to get here... And it's our first. People are just naturally rude. I didn't tell my family that we were trying until over a year in because I didn't want to deal with questions.

I'm sorry people are rude. Best thing you can do is let it roll off.

 

[shirlls]

I can totally sympathise as I've had the same questions and they are so invasive and not really anyone else's business. As the pp said, try to let it roll off no matter how annoying it is.

However, if you feel you need to say something, what I've done a few times is say something jokingly (when really I am serious) such as (said while laughing) "that's a bit of a personal question is it not?" when asked if we were trying, and when asked if we are happy about it, joke "well we would be in a bit of trouble if we aren't eh".

I recently discovered I am having twins. The constant comments and questions about how we're going to cope and how 'we don't do anything by halves' are starting to really grate. I'd imagine it would be pretty obvious we'd have worries about how we are going to manage without people making insensitive comments.

 

[Wtbam]

Almost everyone asked me if it was planned, some without even taking a breath after congratulating me. it really annoyed me as if felt as though they were asking "was it an accident??"

I wish I had a smart reply!

 

[staceymxxx]

My MIL basically asked what we was doing about the "situation" - abortion or not!!!! She isn't maternal at all and OBSESSED with OH hes an only child and her life revolves around him, she doesn't want him to move out and he is 28 years old!!!

 

[Mummy to be x]

I had this off of my auntie, she said 'are you happy about your news' I was gob smacked and replied "yes of course!" She then proceeded to say "well once it's done it's done, there's nothing you can do about it now you've just got to carry on with it"

I was furious I was that shocked I didn't know what to say! Sorry I've not much advice ab I think when you get nasty comments like that it's such a shock your speechless, as long as your happy bugger everyone else x

 

[ab75]

My MIL basically asked what we was doing about the "situation" - abortion or not!!!! She isn't maternal at all and OBSESSED with OH hes an only child and her life revolves around him, she doesn't want him to move out and he is 28 years old!!!

Ong, that is awful xx

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

I've been asked that as well. My husband and I got pregnant two months after we got married we decided to start trying right away. Some even asked and never even congratulated me.

I just didn't let it bother me, because screw them. I don't care if they're more concerned with whether I did it on purpose or not.

 

[cncem]

To be honest, I really don't think it is rude at all. I don't understand why anyone would be so sensitive about it. On the other hand, I live in the US and things that wouldn't offend me, maybe are offensive to others, I don't know. This baby wasn't planned, I didn't think I could have anymore children, so I look at it as a miracle. So while no one has really asked me that, it wouldn't bother me if it did.

 

[Kezzybear]

I get asked this a lot as we are not married, people think that our baby was a mistake. Little do they know we tried to conceive for over a year!

When they ask (and they ask rudely) I just go "yes it was a mistake, I'm so depressed about it, I might give it away when it comes out" and when they stutter in response, I just say "well that's not true it was very much planned, but your question was a bit rude don't you think?"

P.s I have no filter now I, pregnant! Lol! I can be ruthless

 

[ab75]

Lol Kezzy, good for you xx

 

[MollyNorwood]

Kezzy that is a great come back! Everyone close to us knew we were having trouble conceiving so there was no question over if we wanted bubs or not. I am astounded at the ignorance of some people, I think if anyone said that to me my mouth would hang open and I'd say something like "are you f@#*ing serious!?"

 

[SonAmyMom]

I've had the same question. We got it a lot with our fourth, since there's an 8 year gap between him and his next older brother. There was a lot of "oh, an unexpected surprise, huh?" and one person even said "you know what causes that, right?" But he was planned!

And now that we are expecting our 5th (also planned), we get the question a LOT! I tend to over share, so they sometimes get more details than they wanted!

I try not to take offense at the question, but there seems to be the implication of "why on earth would you have wanted/deliberately tried for yet another child?" - though I'm not sure if it's because this is #5, or because of my "advanced age" of 36, or because #4 is mildly/moderately disabled, or what.

 

[burrr]

I'm a lesbian and someone asked me if it was planned. Like, wtf, do you think I fell on a penis by mistake?

It is the height of rudeness to ask, regardless.

 

[MrsPear]

To be honest, I really don't think it is rude at all. I don't understand why anyone would be so sensitive about it. On the other hand, I live in the US and things that wouldn't offend me, maybe are offensive to others, I don't know. This baby wasn't planned, I didn't think I could have anymore children, so I look at it as a miracle. So while no one has really asked me that, it wouldn't bother me if it did.

I think partly it depends who has asked and what they are inferring.

I got asked a lot with my first because I am a student and even people who I had never met before were asking. They all inferred that it was a bit foolish/careless to get pregnant, and that really upset me. It's not the business of someone I don't even know to make an immediate snap judgement about me like that, I found it really hurtful.

 

[Kezzybear]

I'm a lesbian and someone asked me if it was planned. Like, wtf, do you think I fell on a penis by mistake?

It is the height of rudeness to ask, regardless.

This made me giggle people just don't think before they speak! It sux

 

[pinkribbon]

I'm a lesbian and someone asked me if it was planned. Like, wtf, do you think I fell on a penis by mistake?

It is the height of rudeness to ask, regardless.

I just spat out my drink

It's my 3rd and people seem to think once you get past 2 you're crazy. Because I have 2 boys surely the only reason I'm pregnant again is to try for a girl....

 

[_jellybean_]

EVERYONE asked us if it was planned b/c ours are 12 months apart. It did get annoying.

 

[Gnomer]

Oh this seems to be the most common assumption. Not got a clue why, we're young, already have our boy and are happy. I just say "No, OH has super spunk. Madonna doesn't want her but we've got our fingers crossed for brangelina". They tend to change the subject pretty quickly.

 

[ab75]

I'm a lesbian and someone asked me if it was planned. Like, wtf, do you think I fell on a penis by mistake?

It is the height of rudeness to ask, regardless.

I just spat out my drink

It's my 3rd and people seem to think once you get past 2 you're crazy. Because I have 2 boys surely the only reason I'm pregnant again is to try for a girl....

Snap, I have 2 girls and everyone thinks I am doing this for a boy xx