people are so rude!!!!

[Mya209]

With my first a work colleague asked me if it was planned in the middle of our open plan office. I mean really!!?

(The rude questions don't stop btw!! Even after baby is born!)

 

[Ziggie]

I think the standard goes like this:

Congratulations!...... Was it planned??....... are you going to find out the sex??.... How are you feeling??

If I had a pound for every time!

 

[Wtbam]

I'm a lesbian and someone asked me if it was planned. Like, wtf, do you think I fell on a penis by mistake?

It is the height of rudeness to ask, regardless.

Just snorted out loud in the office! So funny, and so weird people should ask.

To all those who are married, I can't believe people ask you if it is planned. I assume I will get the question because we are not married, plus my OH proposed to me on the day of the 12 week scan - people assume he is only proposing because I'm pregnant....

What they don't know is that he planned to do it six months ago then he had a transport crisis and had to delay buying the ring!

People are just far too nosey nowadays!

 

[x Helen x]

I've been asked by most people too (despite the fact I am married and this is my second), but I must be a bit weird as I haven't found it offensive or inappropriate at all! Not really sure why anyone would?! I'm actually quite surprised that anyone would be offended by that! Bigger things to worry about in life.

 

[Mya209]

I think it's offensive (to some) for a few reasons.
- it can undermine the work it often takes to ttc
- it implies that the mum might be 'disappointed' or the baby might not be wanted
- it undermines the thought and planning that lots of people put into family planning.

 

[Eriamel]

I do have the impression that it's a cultural thing too. I grew up in Belgium and I live in the US and have lived here for years now. But Americans are just more open I suppose.. So for me it is quite strange to have all these questions asked, often by people I have only briefly met once or twice. I just ask them "why do you want to know?" or "I don't feel I know you well enough to be having this conversation", in Belgium that would have been an acceptable reply, here people that I barely know seem offended that I don't want to share personal information with them when I don't even know them. Even after living here for years... it's still something I can't get used to! There are a ton of Americans of course that are just like me and really don't like to have personal conversations with people like that though. So partly it might be cultural partly it's probably just my personality.

 

[labgal]

FWIW, I'm American and I find the question to be rude, but I'm a pretty private person, so I'm not sure if the question is cultural or a personality thing.

DH and my baby is a clomid baby and most of my coworkers knew that we were trying. We've gotten all congrats for the most part, but a new coworker came to the office and when she found out that I was pregnant she immediately asked me if it was planned. I think the withering look I gave said it all - and she quickly apologized.

.. but Burrr made me wish I was a lesbian so I could have said that!

Of course now people are already trying to touch my bump, to which I claw my way away from them and remind that personal space applies to me and the baby!

 

[Mafi419]

I don't think I was ever asked if it was planned, because I'm a lesbian and my wife shared the news on facebook, so asking if it was accidental would imply that I cheated on my wife...but some people get really silent, like they want to ask that, and I just write something like "it's not like it was an accident" so they don't have to ask. I would never ask someone that unless it was a very close person, and the only reason I would do it was to know if I should sound excited for them or not (because I'm instantly excited about anyone that gets pregnant), and I think that most people that ask that do it because of that...still, I really don't think it's their place unless they are your sister or your best friend.

I had, however, some people really really nagging me about having a Christmas baby. One of them actually kept on and on about how the child will be traumatized. I tried to take it as a joke, but he (yes! he!!!!) went on and on about how that would never happen to him, and how he doesn't understand why people can't just skip one month. I told him something like "well if that's your line of thinking, you'd have to skip at least 4 months...you never know if you're going to get a preemie or if the child will take longer than expected to be born.", but I got really annoyed at him, specially because he had this argument on my facebook announcement post.

 

[burrr]

Mafi, totally missed your pregnancy announcement, I dont go into the assisted conception bit much now and, so congratulations! As for that bloke in FB, that is so rude! What's it to do with him if you have a Christmas baby.

 

[Mafi419]

Yeah, I never saw you again Burrr! We were very lucky and conceived on our first cycle Glad to know everything went just fine with you and your little bean

 

[ab75]

I think it's offensive (to some) for a few reasons.
- it can undermine the work it often takes to ttc
- it implies that the mum might be 'disappointed' or the baby might not be wanted
- it undermines the thought and planning that lots of people put into family planning.

These are exactly why I find it rude, and the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with anybody whether or not we planned our baby, I planned all 8 of my pregnancies, just unfortunate that 5 of them didn't work out xx

 

[Tui]

When they ask if it was planned just say, "nah I was just horny one day when the postman came round"

 

[ab75]

Lol. Oh yuck, lol, you should see my postie xx

 

[notmommyyet]

Maybe its just me but I find nothing wrong with those questions. I get asked them all the time and have no problems answering them. Sometimes I think its just their way of making conversation