People trying to LOAN/GIVE baby items

[nolansmom]

Another poster reminded me of this. Anyone have the issue of friends/family trying to force their LO clothes on you?

I can't stand the thought of someone else dressing my lo (their style preference) - I almost don't even appreciate the sentiment as I sometimes feel like it's a way for them to get rid of the boxes they've been hanging on to. So even if I did "borrow" clothes or other pregnancy/baby related items then there is the issue of returning them. Making sure they are kept clean, not destroyed by lo etc and then returning them at some point. Just too much of a hassle for me.
My brothers g/f used to do this to me with Ds and drop off garbage bags full of clothes that were too small, too big, wrinkled, smelly, unfolded - and I was expected to sort through all the clothes that I didn't need or ask for just because she was so nice and thoughtful to give me free clothes.. Ugh..
Then my brother expected me to call her and be over the moon thankful.

 

[HBGirl]

I have instituted a rule in my home. Niether a lender nor a borrower be. End of story. I refuse to loan things out and I refuse to borrow.

 

[maybebaby3]

I don't think it's always a case of trying to get rid. I pass on a lot of my DD clothes to a really good friend and I have a friend who passes me stuff from her DS always in good condition. Another friend also gave me a swing for the baby. Personally I don't see the problem if people are being generous and genuine! I have had people offer other stuff such as Moses basket, crib etc but I preferred to buy new so I politely declined. If you don't want the stuff just say so.

 

[Storm1jet2]

If you don't want it just say thanks but no thanks.. with DD my friend lent me all her clothes from 0-6 months and said if they are ok at the end give them back if not bin them - I was really greatful for them as DD had reflux and a lactose intolerance and believe me when you are changing a baby 5 plus times a day because they are covered in spew or poo you soon give up worrying about what the outfit looks like! They were all girls clothes and her last baby was a boy so she didn't need them again - in return I lent her all my maternity clothes with the same provisio - if they are ruined bin them

I did decline somethings (politely) and I've bought lots of new stuff for this baby for when its born.

If it bothers you then say thanks for the offer but I've already got what I need. No one should make you feel like they are doing you a huge favour and its your baby so you can do what you want

 

[boobee]

I'm half and half! My friend is giving me all her little girls old stuff and most of it is fantastic and it was expensive stuff!! Other people have offered and I've declined saying that I've already been given a lot and won't need it. I've also been donated baby stuff that is basically stuff they wanted rid of and is no good to me! I really appreciate it as its saving me a lot of money, unfortunately we're not all in a position to buy brand new!

 

[Kirstiedenman]

I am also half half I have a particular style I like for my kids so its hard when people offer there hand me downs because most of the time my style is a bit unique and not stuff like what my sister would put her boys in at all. I feel bad when I say no but sometimes I really don't mind like my sister just gave me a whole heap of breast feeding bras and tops which was great and a few outfits but something I declined. I agree with other I would just decline if you don't want them as much as you feel bad sometimes it's better than stewing on it behind closed doors. I also bought second hand clothes for my son when he got to the crawling and walking stage as there clothes just get ruined and I got 3 massive boxes for $20 and they weren't in great condition but it was awesome for him to just wear outside as they get ruined anyway and that way your not spending loads of money in clothes that won't last another child anyway well with a boy lol not sure if a girl is that rough and ruggered. It's just personall choice really but definitely don't feel obliged to do it

 

[catty]

Tbh I am one of the people that LOVE it. Everytime I get a big bag I feel like its xmas. I have ended up with so much nice stuff from gap, next, rocha, ted baker etc etc all the things I dont like I just dont use and will put to a charity shop.
However I would never want to loan clothes as id then feel o had to keep them nice and gibe them back, I would decline if anyone asked me if I wanted to loan. So far three people have gave me black bags full and he is kitted up until 18 months (and its all really nice and all looks brand new)
Id probably not want stuff that was well used or tatty though

 

[Louise88]

With my dd I had loads of people use my place as a dumping ground for their used/unwanted/no longer needed baby items, most the clothes I ended up not liking, and I'm not a fan of second hand toys so never used them, the one thing I couldn't understand was the used girl knickers someone gave to me for my daughter there is no way I'm putting used underwear on my little girl, clothes yes but underwear.... Eww!

I'm not taking anything this time, we have a friend who had a baby boy 5 months ago she's offered to give us all the clothes he doesn't fit in anymore sow and oh are going across there to go through them decide what we want and what we don't as we don't want to be lumbered with a bin bag of clothes that we don't like lol

 

[vtjess423]

I'm another who doesn't mind being given used clothes. Like others have said, you shouldn't feel forced to take something but if someone asks if you want anything, I don't see the harm in it. Just look at what they are offering, take what you like and the either donate the rest or return it. You don't have to say yes at all if your opposed to it. I agree that it shouldn't be "loan" but given and then in the end if you want to give them back, then there's nothing wrong with that either. And I don't think usually it's people trying to get rid of things they just have lying around. Babies grow so fast that with a lot of people half the clothes go unused and that seems like a waste! So I think people are just trying to be nice and they hope someone else can get some use out of their out grown clothes. I think people would rather it go to someone they know than strangers. But maybe that's just me! I'm going to have my 2nd son in January and he'll be having several hand-me-downs from his big brother. This isn't exactly the same thing, since they weren't given to us by someone else but it's the same idea (though most of that were gifts from my baby shower LOL). I plan on going through all of my older sons clothing and keeping the things in good condition and then probably tossing the rest (if stained/ruined).

 

[nolansmom]

Maybe I just need to get someone to give/loan me 'nice" stuff. . The large items are def nice to be loaned but again I feel like if they want them back it's too much responsibility for me to keep it in good shape.

 

[StarlitHome]

I had a neighbor who liked to give me GIANT bags of clothes for my daughter. At first it was nice and I found some nice good-quality in-good-shape stuff for Molly that I could make work with our style - but later on (as I discovered this person was a really judgmental, controlling, bossy "friend") the quality and condition of the clothing she'd pass on deteriorated!
It went from cute, nice Hello Kitty and Carters stuff, to ripped or stained Dora and Disney and Walmart-brand stuff. So strange that it followed the downhill-slide of her emerging personality...
And it did get awkward because hell no I did not want to paw through a bag of possibly-dirty, definitely stained clothes to maybe find something useful, but the neighbor was calling and texting and even coming to my door about this stuff!!
I'm so glad she moved. >.<

 

[Toms Mummy]

If anyone offers me anything I happily take it! I love looking through and choosing. I do say to them though that if I don't want it I will be taking to charity. I won't borrow stuff to give back, just too stressful!

 

[AC1987]

If Im given something I'm happy for it Pretty much all of LO's clothes are 2nd hand. but I wouldn't accept if I was supposed to give it back.

 

[sun]

Wow I love getting used clothes - I got a huge bag of Mexx and H&M stuff last year for my son that I could never have afforded myself and it was just passed on to me for free. Personally I think that's amazing to get $400 worth of clothing and not have to spend a dime. I am totally and completely grateful! I also pass on all our clothes to a friend. She gives them back though as she doesn't want to bother passing them on or donating them herself LOL. So then I just pass them on or donate (or keep for the next kiddo!). I have so many things that don't even look like they were worn, so if someone else can use them then I'm happy! It is a bit disconcerting to think that the person on the receiving end might not appreciate it at all though I could easily sell our stuff and make some money but I pass it on since I have had nice things passed to me so I figure it's good karma.

One thing I DON'T like though is that my mother picks up junky plastic toys from garage sales. She doesn't do this as much anymore, but OMG I didn't like it at all. I started making her keep them at her house (grandma toys) and suddenly she stopped buying lol. I like to keep our toys to a minimum so would rather buy some decent toys than have loads of crap.

 

[Yipee]

I would never borrow anything; too much stress trying to keep it in good shape to return later.

I do very much enjoy hand-me-downs though; I love sorting though big bags of free stuff, and don't expect it to be in perfect shape; I just wash and fold what I'm going to keep, and pass on the rest to someone else or the thrift store. Where I live, hand-me-downs are just a nice thing to do for each other; they're not an insult in any way. No one gives me stuff just to get rid of; it's just as easy to throw it in the trash or take it to a thrift store as it is to give it to me, so I know they are giving it to me out of kindness. I think it just depends what you're used to.

 

[ShelbyLC]

I hate when someone gives you something with the intent of letting you keep it and then they ask for it back to give to someone else.

 

[overcomer79]

wow I guess I know how I was viewed for only trying to help. Maybe next time I'll be greedy and sell them rather than being nice and giving them away. I have a rule don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you don't want them, why not just say you don't and get it over with? Can you tell I'm on the other side of the fence?

 

[StarlitHome]

wow I guess I know how I was viewed for only trying to help. Maybe next time I'll be greedy and sell them rather than being nice and giving them away. I have a rule don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you don't want them, why not just say you don't and get it over with? Can you tell I'm on the other side of the fence?

I'd really like to clarify something here - I generally and usually receive hand-me-downs (for me or my kidlets!) with a big smile and honest gratitude. However in my particular situation that I described, the clothing given was stained/torn/otherwise useless (like smelly-dirty) and the person trying to give it to me was driving me crazy for other reasons (which yes, I can describe if needed but really I'd rather not).
I would assume that anyone posting here about liking to pass things on would be passing on big bags of washed, clean things - which I have done myself!

 

[wish4baby]

Another poster reminded me of this. Anyone have the issue of friends/family trying to force their LO clothes on you?

I can't stand the thought of someone else dressing my lo (their style preference) - I almost don't even appreciate the sentiment as I sometimes feel like it's a way for them to get rid of the boxes they've been hanging on to. So even if I did "borrow" clothes or other pregnancy/baby related items then there is the issue of returning them. Making sure they are kept clean, not destroyed by lo etc and then returning them at some point. Just too much of a hassle for me.
My brothers g/f used to do this to me with Ds and drop off garbage bags full of clothes that were too small, too big, wrinkled, smelly, unfolded - and I was expected to sort through all the clothes that I didn't need or ask for just because she was so nice and thoughtful to give me free clothes.. Ugh..
Then my brother expected me to call her and be over the moon thankful.

I can't believe she gave you clothes that way! I had lots of baby clothes and shoes (and still do, they just don't outgrow them as fast now) and I've always sorted the outgrown things into large, plastic box containers with lids, and garbage bags. One large box is for me to keep - sentimental, or something important. The other boxes are to give away - I'd wash and fold, and separate by gender and size. The garbage bags are for things slightly stained, with small holes or tears, and that would be dropped at a charity place (but the clothes are still washed and folded neatly!) If they were really in bad shape (unwearable), I'd trash it, or cut into rags. No one would want hand me downs thrown - unwashed - into trash bags! How rude!

You could never expect to get all the clothes back, in exactly the same condition, that's unreasonable. Why lend them, if you'll want them later? keep them until you are totally done with them! Now, strollers or cribs, you'd just have to talk out the details, of course there will be regular wear and tear, but again, why lend it if you will need it in the future, or if you don't totally trust them and have a good enough relationship to talk through it (I made that mistake before, now I will not lend out anything I'll want back, period).

I am very funny about taking hand me downs usually, I don't, but if I know the person, and know its a very clean, smoke free environment, and the clothes are in a presentable manner (less is more for me), that's great and appreciated!
But, someone has already told me she'll have tons of stuff for this baby and their home is so filthy and they don't bathe their toddler daily, they let her go in the same clothes for days...no thank you.

 

[zanDark]

My SIL tried to dump all her baby furniture, stroller, high chair etc on me. And I say dump because they're five years old and have been used to death by her two kids..plus they're not my taste at all. She kept insisting even after I said no, so I just ignored her since then until she got the message!

As far as clothes go, she gave me 3 massive bags and I just sorted through them and kept whatever was in good shape and to my taste and donated the rest. Why someone would keep stained clothes to give away is beyond me! The only thing that I found odd about the clothes was that she didn't give me any of the really good things that I remember her having and even bought for her lol but that's OK

And for the record, I'm not a hand me down snob LOL my other SIL is giving us her travel system which is a year old and is like brand new. It's not 100% to my taste but it's clean and hardly used, and I'm grateful for it as it will help us use the money on something else