People trying to LOAN/GIVE baby items

[Louise88]

wow I guess I know how I was viewed for only trying to help. Maybe next time I'll be greedy and sell them rather than being nice and giving them away. I have a rule don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you don't want them, why not just say you don't and get it over with? Can you tell I'm on the other side of the fence?

Alot of people never even asked me if i wanted their stuff they just turned up at my door with a boot full, I'm always grateful for clothes because clothes are expensive so it saves me money in the long run i'd just rather pick the stuff I like and not take the stuff I don't. I just really disagree with people actually giving me junk i.e used baby bottles, broken and dirty toys, carrycots that fit on their pram not mine... sorry but a carrycot I cant fix onto my pram is pretty useless to me. while people are being nice I know some people use it as an excuse to get rid of a lot of junk like said broken toys etc.

 

[Justagirlxx]

Loaning baby items is absolutely crazy to me - I made that mistake once with baby clothes. My friend got pregnant again and started demanding them back right away and I couldnt remember which ones were which! I dont mind things given to me expecially clothes since babies grow so fast and I could use the help honestly. But not things you have to return after use - things get dirty, lost, stained, etc and it can cause unnecessary arguments

 

[Jessica_MTY]

i wouldn't borrow anything (in case i damage or lose it) but second hand baby clothes that are mine to keep - hell yes! babies wear clothes for about 5 minutes, and providing they aren't stained or ripped then there's nothing that a good wash wont take care of. As nice as it is to buy new things for the baby, I'm interested in saving money so I will gladly take anyone's hand me downs. OP - the clothes that were unfolded and wrinkled - it's pretty standard to be honest as the easiest way to store them, and they can get a bit musty smelling. After you throw them in the wash you wouldn't even notice!

I would never buy a carseat or a crib used. But clothes, baby swing/ bouncer, maybe a stroller- sure!

 

[sojourn]

I am firmly in the happily-accepts-hand-me-downs camp.
I always tell people thank you very much and then ask if they would like me to donate or return things that I can't or won't use. I grew up dirt-floor poor, so I am well used to second-hand items.
The people who have given me stuff have been some of the busiest moms I know (my SIL has six kids, her youngest being 4 weeks old, husband's friend with a month old baby, two two year olds and a 1 year old!), so I don't begrudge the paper bags/laundry baskets etc. that they have put stuff in. This is my first and I work part time. I have way more time on my hands to go through things, they don't. They both apologized in case stuff in the mix wasn't usable as they had trouble remembering what they were keeping/tossing and they just wanted it out. I would probably be irritated if they had just showed up on my doorstep with garbage bags full of stuff, but given the circumstances, I understood why things might not have been up to most people's standards.
I was fine going through stuff, finding treasures and then donating the rest. I have drawers full of super nice and useful stuff that I didn't have to buy! The rest I donated to our women's shelter.
If you don't have the time/energy to go through things, then just politely decline. That way you just don't have to deal with it if it is obnoxious to you.
Or just send it to me, I'll go through it!

 

[Ashla]

PP, I grew up dirt floor poor too! Love that expression! And now I am in the very lucky position of having everything my family could need/want. But I still really appreciate when people offer me hand-me-downs. As you said, I ask people what they would like me to do with the things I won't or can't use (return or donate).

I just think it is very generous of people to offer me their baby's used items. And I also think it is generous of me to accept- because a lot of those items cost the person a lot of money. It hurts to spend your hard earned money on expensive baby gear and then have to donate it or throw it out so soon! By giving it to me they get to see someone else using and appreciating it. Plus, the environment wins because there is less waste.

OP, all around, I think the practice of passing on used baby items is a great one. And even though I have the means to buy everything new, I am touched and grateful when people offer me their baby's used items. If they are in bad condition, I return them or quietly throw them away. But I would never, ever be offended by people offering/giving me things that they used to dress or entertain a loved member of their family.

 

[sojourn]

OP, I do agree with you about lending items. I would politely decline that. I know I am hard on things myself. This is why I don't borrow things from friends for myself. I can't imagine adding a baby to the mix.

I also wouldn't like it if someone just dumped things on me. The people who have given me things have asked me if I would like them. I do always say yes, but I like having the option.

 

[StarlitHome]

I also wouldn't like it if someone just dumped things on me. The people who have given me things have asked me if I would like them. I do always say yes, but I like having the option.

That, right there, that's the important bit. I think if the person trying to give the stuff makes it seem like it would be a huge imposition to them if you don't take whatever it is, that's what rankles.

 

[claudinator]

This is my first baby, I want everything new. I grew up in a house of 10 and we had nothing and never got any thing new. Fast forward to now my DH has a fantastic paying job and mine is good. We have the money so we want the best and I want it new I grew up with nothing with a severely ill father and worked hard so it's insulting when my sil tries to shove her old shit on my baby helllooo of course I have a steriliser and a Moses basket what was I gonna put him in a bin bag out the back.

 

[sojourn]

it's insulting when my sil tries to shove her old shit on my baby helllooo of course I have a steriliser and a Moses basket what was I gonna put him in a bin bag out the back.

Wow. I am sure glad I am not in your family. What a great treat to be treated oh so nicely when you're trying to be kind to someone.

Just because someone offers you something, doesn't mean they think you won't know to get it for yourself. They are probably thinking "Wow, this thing was so expensive and it only got used for a few weeks/year. Maybe my sister-in-law would like it. Perhaps she'd rather her and her partner be able to spend their money on a nice dinner together or a family vacation later on."

 

[nolansmom]

Thanks for reply.. I'm not a clothes snob at all. I just feel like since I buy things on sale or on clearance and NEVER pay reg price for baby clothes - never ever go overboard on spending $$ I can afford the $2-$4 items.. Also I don't recall actual baby clothes but rather boys clothes sizes 2-5 - so not even the baby stuff that was only worn once..

Anyhow - I am super super frugal with my $$ and truthfully for baby clothes would only ever buy clearance.. $5 outfits. I would never consider the expensive items I've seen in some stores.. I have 2 brand new baby bags full of free stuff (the baby bags were also free) from Nestle and that's perfect for me. Heck I hate paying more than $20 for a dress or item for myself. by-product of couponing I think.

Like I said, maybe I just needed to get other items.. Don't get me wrong I always felt bad for not liking the clothes she gave me or thinking "wow this stuff is crap".. I felt bad for not appreciating it until the 2 huge bags were left on my porch the last time.. Why is it my job to donate your clothes? I put mine out front and a passer by always takes it.

Also, in her case part of the issue might have been that she buys second hand (goodwill, value village) already so maybe that's why everything was ratty.. Also, I can buy kids jeans on sale and clearance ahead of time for $6 why would I spend $8 second hand.. Anyway different thread I guess.

 

[claudinator]

it's insulting when my sil tries to shove her old shit on my baby helllooo of course I have a steriliser and a Moses basket what was I gonna put him in a bin bag out the back.

Wow. I am sure glad I am not in your family. What a great treat to be treated oh so nicely when you're trying to be kind to someone.

Just because someone offers you something, doesn't mean they think you won't know to get it for yourself. They are probably thinking "Wow, this thing was so expensive and it only got used for a few weeks/year. Maybe my sister-in-law would like it. Perhaps she'd rather her and her partner be able to spend their money on a nice dinner together or a family vacation later on."

Hold on now, where did this come from. This woman has told me from the get go not to excited for my baby because you never know babies don't always make it, you have have an incompetent cervix who's to say he'll make it and not be autistic through being born early. ruined my hen night be4 my wedding told me my wedding photos were horrible and abused my heavily pregnant sister and told her to lose weight so forgive me if I don't want any Of that woman's shit in my house.
Asked my Indian brother in law recently at my family BBQ if he was the "help".
My DH is recently after years of college and hard work getting a fantastic job with excellent money they both have EXTREMELY well paying jobs and always looked down on DH and I patronized us for years and looked on us with utter contempt and told my DH that his years of hard work would never pay off. Never congratulated him or wished him well. We had our 5year wedding anniversary and we told everyone we were pregnant she laughed and said I lost my bet didn't think you would last this long.
I have taken stuff off my sisters just not clothes as said we had it tough growing up and i worked three jobs to get myself thru college and pay a mortgage so forgive me if I want the best for my son.
And another thing I would never talk to you like that because I don't know you or your circumstances this is a place of support and help
So stop picking on me.

 

[zanDark]

Hold on now, where did this come from. This woman has told me from the get go not to excited for my baby because you never know babies don't always make it, you have have an incompetent cervix who's to say he'll make it and not be autistic through being born early. ruined my hen night be4 my wedding told me my wedding photos were horrible and abused my heavily pregnant sister and told her to lose weight so forgive me if I don't want any Of that woman's shit in my house.
Asked my Indian brother in law recently at my family BBQ if he was the "help".
My DH is recently after years of college and hard work getting a fantastic job with excellent money they both have EXTREMELY well paying jobs and always looked down on DH and I patronized us for years and looked on us with utter contempt and told my DH that his years of hard work would never pay off. Never congratulated him or wished him well. We had our 5year wedding anniversary and we told everyone we were pregnant she laughed and said I lost my bet didn't think you would last this long.
I have taken stuff off my sisters just not clothes as said we had it tough growing up and i worked three jobs to get myself thru college and pay a mortgage so forgive me if I want the best for my son.
And another thing I would never talk to you like that because I don't know you or your circumstances this is a place of support and help
So stop picking on me.

wow she sounds horrible!!!

If my SIL were such a horrible person I wouldn't want anything of hers either because she's obviously not doing it to help you out

 

[claudinator]

Hold on now, where did this come from. This woman has told me from the get go not to excited for my baby because you never know babies don't always make it, you have have an incompetent cervix who's to say he'll make it and not be autistic through being born early. ruined my hen night be4 my wedding told me my wedding photos were horrible and abused my heavily pregnant sister and told her to lose weight so forgive me if I don't want any Of that woman's shit in my house.
Asked my Indian brother in law recently at my family BBQ if he was the "help".
My DH is recently after years of college and hard work getting a fantastic job with excellent money they both have EXTREMELY well paying jobs and always looked down on DH and I patronized us for years and looked on us with utter contempt and told my DH that his years of hard work would never pay off. Never congratulated him or wished him well. We had our 5year wedding anniversary and we told everyone we were pregnant she laughed and said I lost my bet didn't think you would last this long.
I have taken stuff off my sisters just not clothes as said we had it tough growing up and i worked three jobs to get myself thru college and pay a mortgage so forgive me if I want the best for my son.
And another thing I would never talk to you like that because I don't know you or your circumstances this is a place of support and help
So stop picking on me.

wow she sounds horrible!!!

If my SIL were such a horrible person I wouldn't want anything of hers either because she's obviously not doing it to help you out

Thanks she's just made our life's miserable for years I get so upset thinking about her.

 

[sojourn]

You're right. I didn't know the situation.
From your post it seemed like you were just being an ungrateful brat.

I'm not "picking on you". I was expressing an opinion that it seemed that you were being quite hard on your sister-in-law for no apparent reason. Everyone else on this thread has been fine with saying "thanks, but no thanks" to stuff people want to give them. You're the only one who took it as a personal insult. I found it insulting that you seem to think that anyone who takes gifts for their children doesn't want "the best" for their child. Or is so stupid and ignorant that they wouldn't know better than to just keep it in a bin in the backyard.

I gratefully accepted a bassinet from a friend. That does NOT mean (as you imply) that I otherwise would have kept my child in the back yard.

You could easily have said that you don't get along with your sister-in-law, because she is legitimately horrible, and that is why you didn't like her offering you things. I get that. I don't take things from my MIL because she is horrible. She told me I was "barren" because God knew that I would be a bad mother. She has abused and neglected her children for their whole lives. She gets things out of dumpsters and gives them to my husband. Anything she gives us goes straight to the dumpster (where it came from). You could have said ANYTHING that implied that there was a personal reason for not accepting her things.

That's not what you said. All you said was that you refused perfectly good, useful things, from your sister-in-law because it was her "old shit" and you felt insulted by her even offering.

So, sorry for interpreting your comment as I did. I did so because that's all that was written. Clearly there are other issues at hand that I couldn't have known about.

 

[claudinator]

No matter what I say or how I say anything after this point you are going to use it against me I just weighed in on a subject it was not directed at you, you took it personally and I'm very upset that you would think I'm an ungrateful brat that is uncalled for and plain cruel I've had allot to deal with and I don't have allot people to talk to so it's hard when people deliberately take me up wrong. My language could have been better it again it was not directed at you I have been treated horrifically by these people and I hate feeling belittled by some1 who does not know the full story. The whole thing wasn't aimed at you I don't know why you took it personally and choose my thread.

 

[overcomer79]

I guess since my LO is in daycare I don't mind stained and used looking b/c lets's face it...brand new outfits come back awful looking in just one day.

 

[nolansmom]

You're right. I didn't know the situation.
From your post it seemed like you were just being an ungrateful brat.

I'm not "picking on you". I was expressing an opinion that it seemed that you were being quite hard on your sister-in-law for no apparent reason. Everyone else on this thread has been fine with saying "thanks, but no thanks" to stuff people want to give them. You're the only one who took it as a personal insult. I found it insulting that you seem to think that anyone who takes gifts for their children doesn't want "the best" for their child. Or is so stupid and ignorant that they wouldn't know better than to just keep it in a bin in the backyard.

I gratefully accepted a bassinet from a friend. That does NOT mean (as you imply) that I otherwise would have kept my child in the back yard.

You could easily have said that you don't get along with your sister-in-law, because she is legitimately horrible, and that is why you didn't like her offering you things. I get that. I don't take things from my MIL because she is horrible. She told me I was "barren" because God knew that I would be a bad mother. She has abused and neglected her children for their whole lives. She gets things out of dumpsters and gives them to my husband. Anything she gives us goes straight to the dumpster (where it came from). You could have said ANYTHING that implied that there was a personal reason for not accepting her things.

That's not what you said. All you said was that you refused perfectly good, useful things, from your sister-in-law because it was her "old shit" and you felt insulted by her even offering.

So, sorry for interpreting your comment as I did. I did so because that's all that was written. Clearly there are other issues at hand that I couldn't have known about.

I really really don't know why you'd call a complete stranger an ungrateful brat or say that you "thought she was being one".. I think you are being a judgemental twit - I'm sure that's ok with you since you think name calling is appropriate. Since we are being honest and all..

You don't have to know the "whole" story behind her not accepting clothes from people.. That's what this thread is about - do we or don't we like hand me downs ---- not to berate those who don't agree with us.. Maybe she is an ungrateful brat? What's it to you?? Are you the "let's be thankful for all we are offered in life" police? So what - I've seen lots of women around who are plenty ungrateful for the things they have in life and none of it has to do with hand me down baby clothes.. (cars, cottages, homes, diamonds).. Not used baby clothes..

 

[iluvmyfamily]

Honestly, I think it's a blessing. I say this bc right now we're struggling big time since moving to DE from NY and DH being in between 3 different jobs already. Our neighbors have been giving us baby clothes and furniture nonstop and I can't express how thankful I am. I've gotten a swing set, crib for my 1 yo, I'm getting a playpen, another swing, another crib for the newborn and a bassinet. I have a white changing table for her, I'm getting another white one which will be put in my older girls room so they have a dresser, and a brown one for my 1 yo. We have 4 huge bins of clothes for all the kids, and more to come from someone else, a whole living room set, and a dining room set. I appreciate all of it bc right now like I said we came here with NOTHING and slowly but surely we're getting everything we possibly need. At first I felt uncomfy like it was all a charity but then I realized God works in mysterious ways and He knows it's hard for us right now so He sent these specific people to us to help. If you truly don't like it though just tell them you have enough stuff but you appreciate it and if anything you'll just let them know. But right now if you could use the stuff I'd take it. Just my 2cents

 

[claudinator]

You're right. I didn't know the situation.
From your post it seemed like you were just being an ungrateful brat.

I'm not "picking on you". I was expressing an opinion that it seemed that you were being quite hard on your sister-in-law for no apparent reason. Everyone else on this thread has been fine with saying "thanks, but no thanks" to stuff people want to give them. You're the only one who took it as a personal insult. I found it insulting that you seem to think that anyone who takes gifts for their children doesn't want "the best" for their child. Or is so stupid and ignorant that they wouldn't know better than to just keep it in a bin in the backyard.

I gratefully accepted a bassinet from a friend. That does NOT mean (as you imply) that I otherwise would have kept my child in the back yard.

You could easily have said that you don't get along with your sister-in-law, because she is legitimately horrible, and that is why you didn't like her offering you things. I get that. I don't take things from my MIL because she is horrible. She told me I was "barren" because God knew that I would be a bad mother. She has abused and neglected her children for their whole lives. She gets things out of dumpsters and gives them to my husband. Anything she gives us goes straight to the dumpster (where it came from). You could have said ANYTHING that implied that there was a personal reason for not accepting her things.

That's not what you said. All you said was that you refused perfectly good, useful things, from your sister-in-law because it was her "old shit" and you felt insulted by her even offering.

So, sorry for interpreting your comment as I did. I did so because that's all that was written. Clearly there are other issues at hand that I couldn't have known about.

I really really don't know why you'd call a complete stranger an ungrateful brat or say that you "thought she was being one".. I think you are being a judgemental twit - I'm sure that's ok with you since you think name calling is appropriate. Since we are being honest and all..

You don't have to know the "whole" story behind her not accepting clothes from people.. That's what this thread is about - do we or don't we like hand me downs ---- not to berate those who don't agree with us.. Maybe she is an ungrateful brat? What's it to you?? Are you the "let's be thankful for all we are offered in life" police? So what - I've seen lots of women around who are plenty ungrateful for the things they have in life and none of it has to do with hand me down baby clothes.. (cars, cottages, homes, diamonds).. Not used baby clothes..

Thank you what i said got taken out of context completely, I should have been more specific I don't like taking stuff off my sil because she's treated us like dirt, however I have a second hand car, house and furniture. My sister gave me a baby swing thingy and vibratey chair apparently babies love them!! It's our first and we can FINALLY after years afford nice things I'm sure in the future il eat my words on the clothes thing in fact I know I will!! I just won't ever take anything off my sil.
Thanks for understanding and sorry for swearing on your thread.

 

[Ashla]

Moderators, I think it is time for this thread to be shut down.