Hello ladies and gentlemen,
So I am 38 and single. Since the clock is ticking I have decided to have a baby on my own with donor insemination. I had a big confrontation with my mother over this today and now I am feeling really crappy.
I told her I was thinking about this a couple of months ago and she wouldn't really say a whole lot. When I told her, I also said that I didn't even know if I could conceive. She doesn't know I have seen the doc several times and gone through all of the testing and that I was told everything is fine. Today out of the blue she comes out with "You aren't thinking about having a baby are you?"
She throws in my face all the time "You aren't a mother so you don't understand." Even today her reasons for not wanting me to have a baby is that it is going to be hard. I told her I know that. She says she can't help me. I tell her that I don't want her help. All I would want is for her to love the baby. She tells me that she would want to look after the baby while I am working but she can't do that anymore. I tell her that I will get a day home like all other parents and that I am not asking her to babysit. She says that she will worry about me and that she wouldn't be able to accept that she isn't able to help. She would feel guilty for not babysitting my child. She again threw at me that I don't understand that worry because I am not a mother. To which I replied she isn't giving me the opportunity to understand. I pointed out to my mom that she raised 3 babies and even though she had Dad, he was no help and was a like a big kid himself. She agreed. I said I think it will be easier raising one by myself knowing I am on my own than three being frustrated by an uncooperative spouse. If I didn't know what a mother's worry is, I wouldn't have put thought in to an education plan for my unconceived child. I wouldn't have thought about who will be my child's guardians should something happen to me. I get that she is worried and that moms worry. She says she can't think of anything worse than me having a baby. She says that she is telling me this because she is trying to be a good Mom. I feel like she is being selfish. I am willing to make sacrifices. I am willing to put my child's needs infront of my own. I am a simple person with simple needs. I don't want or need a big fancy house or lots of clothes. I have a lot of love to give and I don't feel like I should be begrudged that because I am not married. Mom knows I have always wanted children. She also knows that I refuse to settle. I have seen so many people get married or end up with a guy just because they want to be married or because they want to have children and I refuse to be that girl. I pointed it out that I have faced a lot of adversity but I have always faced it head-on and came out stronger on the other side.
I hope I made sense. Any input on what I can say or do? Do I just go ahead and if I get pregnant wait as long as I can to tell her so she has less time to stew over it and worry and prove to her that I can do it once the baby arrives. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? Am I completely out to lunch?
So I am 38 and single. Since the clock is ticking I have decided to have a baby on my own with donor insemination. I had a big confrontation with my mother over this today and now I am feeling really crappy.
I told her I was thinking about this a couple of months ago and she wouldn't really say a whole lot. When I told her, I also said that I didn't even know if I could conceive. She doesn't know I have seen the doc several times and gone through all of the testing and that I was told everything is fine. Today out of the blue she comes out with "You aren't thinking about having a baby are you?"
She throws in my face all the time "You aren't a mother so you don't understand." Even today her reasons for not wanting me to have a baby is that it is going to be hard. I told her I know that. She says she can't help me. I tell her that I don't want her help. All I would want is for her to love the baby. She tells me that she would want to look after the baby while I am working but she can't do that anymore. I tell her that I will get a day home like all other parents and that I am not asking her to babysit. She says that she will worry about me and that she wouldn't be able to accept that she isn't able to help. She would feel guilty for not babysitting my child. She again threw at me that I don't understand that worry because I am not a mother. To which I replied she isn't giving me the opportunity to understand. I pointed out to my mom that she raised 3 babies and even though she had Dad, he was no help and was a like a big kid himself. She agreed. I said I think it will be easier raising one by myself knowing I am on my own than three being frustrated by an uncooperative spouse. If I didn't know what a mother's worry is, I wouldn't have put thought in to an education plan for my unconceived child. I wouldn't have thought about who will be my child's guardians should something happen to me. I get that she is worried and that moms worry. She says she can't think of anything worse than me having a baby. She says that she is telling me this because she is trying to be a good Mom. I feel like she is being selfish. I am willing to make sacrifices. I am willing to put my child's needs infront of my own. I am a simple person with simple needs. I don't want or need a big fancy house or lots of clothes. I have a lot of love to give and I don't feel like I should be begrudged that because I am not married. Mom knows I have always wanted children. She also knows that I refuse to settle. I have seen so many people get married or end up with a guy just because they want to be married or because they want to have children and I refuse to be that girl. I pointed it out that I have faced a lot of adversity but I have always faced it head-on and came out stronger on the other side.
I hope I made sense. Any input on what I can say or do? Do I just go ahead and if I get pregnant wait as long as I can to tell her so she has less time to stew over it and worry and prove to her that I can do it once the baby arrives. Any words of wisdom or encouragement? Am I completely out to lunch?
