Playgroups are so hard

[Spoomie]

Hi ladies

While I don't expect any sympathy from those on this forum who have miscarried and are not yet blessed with a baby, for those of you with a small child, hopefully you will 'get' where I'm coming from.

While the pain of my loss is ever present, I know that I must get on with everyday stuff but I have really struggled this morning with playgroup. There were 2 women there who I guess are around the same dates as I would've been and I can't bring myself to interact with them, in fact, I feel so sad around them that I can't really converse with anyone there! Listening to them talk about their plans and preparations and struggle with their back ache etc is so so hard. I want to be part of that conversation, and I'm not For obvious reasons there seems to be a pregnant woman and a newborn baby wherever my son and I go just reminding you of your pain.

Hopefully I don't come across as bitter and twisted, I'm just really sad and was sure you would understand x

 

[tweedy]

Hi Spoomie

you sound just like me, i have a 2 1/2 year old and took her swimming at the weekend, there were loads of mothers with small babies or bellies and i was just so upset. i managed to steer well clear and just enjoy the day with my daughter, but it was hard.

i also find that when people found out about the miscarrage and the fact i have already got a child, they we like,'well at least you have one' but why does having a child already mean that i am not allowed to grieve the passing of my baby, and surely having my daughter just makes me think of all the things i am missing, with my mc before i had my daughter i didn't know any better, but now i have all her baby things to remind me what will never be and also the fact that she won;t have this baby as a brother or sister.

it's really sad whatever way you look at it and while i can't really offer too much advice, just try and steer clear of anywhere that will make you upset, until you feel better able to cope.

hopefully within a few months, you will be able to join in the conversation too.

soo sorry for you loss

T x

 

[flosseroo]

Hi,
I know exactly where you are coming from ...

I have a 20 month old daughter, who is my world, but as I decided to take extended maternity leave my life basically consists of toddler groups.

I was due a few days ago, but lost the baby during the summer. Three of my friends were all due at the same time and now have beautiful newborns. At some groups I go to there are up to 7 pregnant ladies and numerous babies. My other two best friends are all pregnant and due in a couple of months.

Last friday, my due date i went to my normal friday morning group, and ended up at a table with three heavily pregnant women and two others who took the occasion to announce they had both had their three month scans which were great.

I am genuinely happy for them all, but I had to leave.... i picked my daughter up, grabbed our coats and just left, and cried all the way home.

With so many of my friends so happily blessed, I have found the last few months really lonely to be honest, as I have had to avoid seeing people beacuse its just so hard.

I know its not just the mmc, as I recently also lost my brother and father and step father, so having these quiet few months at home as given me too much time to dwell on grieving ........ its been really rubbish!!

However, I am still really hopeful that we will get some happy news soon, and I hope everyone else here does soon.

Best wishes
x

 

[Samantha675]

My son, and most of his friends are coming up on 3 so it seems live EVERYONE around me is pregnant. I can't escape the baby bumps.

I took my son to an indoor play place on monday and there was a woman with a newborn. I cried on the way home, realizing I would have been 8 weeks that day. It just sucks.

 

[Round2]

I hear ya. I've got a 4 year old and have had 2 MMC in the past year. I'll never forget coming out of my second D&C, I woke up from the anesthetic hysterically crying. The doctor leaned over and said, we'll least you've got one already. I never wanted to hurt somebody so badly in my life!!

 

[TTC Again]

I hear you - you are not alone. I agree that I feel guilty complaining about this to the women on here who have also been through multiple MCs and have no children yet. My heart goes out to them.

Having my son, who will be 3 in May, means all of our friends are either pregnant or just had their second baby (my best friend just had her 3rd because her first were twins). It's so hard to watch others pass us by. I can't help but dwell on how far apart in age I wished for my children to be and each month how that is getting further and further off from the mark. I know that's silly and I should just hope for a healthy pregnancy if it's possible at this point, but I can't help the way my mind works.

I am a working mom, so at daycare pick up I notice that all of my son's class mates have mommies who are either pregnant or have babies in the infant room. I feel like my son is the only one without a sibbling (or one on the way). We made the mistake of telling him we were pregnant this last time and he still every once in a while comes up and asks me if there is a baby in my belly. That's really hard/sad.

Well, we all have each other to comfort us and all have each other to share in our joys once it happens for us! In the meantime, try to stay away from the places that make you upset...your real friends will understand.

 

[princess_bump]

i could have written this myself today. we have a nearly 3 year old, and i no it's really early days for us, but today we took her to soft play.
i wanted to take her out and enjoy a rare day when my hubby could come with us too, but it was hard. i over heard some women moaning about ttc (about if they actually wanted another one etc ) and baby bumps seem every where it just makes me so sad to think we'll never get to do that with our baby we've lost, i dread the thought of our due date now, i no october is ages away, but it seems to empty.
xxxx

 

[Round2]

We made the mistake of telling him we were pregnant this last time and he still every once in a while comes up and asks me if there is a baby in my belly. That's really hard/sad. .

We did the same thing the first time I was pregnant. That was almost a year ago. She still asks, usually once a week, when the doctor will put the baby back in my belly.

 

[Duffy]

I ran across a coworker for my mother while visiting her at work, she pregnant and exactly where I would be with my first miscarriage I couldn't even look at her. Its just a sour area for me mostly because I want to be feeling the baby I would have had kicking in me and having that back pain and hip. It sucks. But one day when I'm pregnant I'm going to apprciate every moment of pregnancy and most of all a healthy bean. Someday we will all be there again, we have living proof we did it once we can do it again ladies.

 

[Spoomie]

Thank you so so much, this feedback has really helped me, just to know that I'm not a bad person for feeling like this. I totally agree with you Tweedy, it's almost taboo to say, but I have felt this miscarriage far worse than the one I had before my son was born. I was really upset then but this time I know from experience what it feels like to love my child and the thought of never being able to love my lost baby in the same way breaks my heart (sincere apologies to any ttc no 1 people reading this, just trying to work through my feelings). You are all so right that being around pregnant women and newborns goes with the territory when you have a young child and it is like a constant reminder on a daily basis of what you have lost. Having said all that, your support has helped me today, thanks to all of you, and amen to Duffy's comment - we've done it before and we'll do it again x

 

[s4m4nth4]

 

[jx6]

So sorry for your loss
As you can see your not alone and we all feel the same at times it doesnt mean your bitter it means your hurting and no woman should have to experience these feelings
Thinking of you

 

[Round2]

It's nice to see there are so many of us. I feel like I have to kind of hide that I'm a mom on this site. There are too many people going through such terrible struggles.

I'm testing this Sunday. This is our last shot at getting a BFP before my DD starts school. If we don't get one this month that means that we'll have to change her daycare. She'll be devestated if we do that, she's so happy where she is right now. Oh I hope this is it for us!!!!

 

[jx6]

It's nice to see there are so many of us. I feel like I have to kind of hide that I'm a mom on this site. There are too many people going through such terrible struggles.

I'm testing this Sunday. This is our last shot at getting a BFP before my DD starts school. If we don't get one this month that means that we'll have to change her daycare. She'll be devestated if we do that, she's so happy where she is right now. Oh I hope this is it for us!!!!

FX'd for you hun sending you lots of

 

[jx6]

 

[TTC Again]

She still asks, usually once a week, when the doctor will put the baby back in my belly.

Oh boy - that makes my heart ache.

 

[Round2]

She still asks, usually once a week, when the doctor will put the baby back in my belly.

Oh boy - that makes my heart ache.

Me too! Catches me off gaurd everytime!!!!

 

[Round2]

BFN today. Guess I need to start looking for a new daycare, I won't be pregnant before DD starts school

 

[TTC Again]

Sorry about the :BFN: - could it be early still?

I'm starting to have the worry that by the time I DO get pregnant and carry to term (PLEASE!) I will have a baby when everyone else I know is "out" of the baby phase. I feel like I'll be in it alone then. I hope not and I know that I shouldn't worry about that or base my life around the lives of others...but I can't help feeling like that.

Maybe I can catch the next round when my friends might be on to their third while I'm on #2.

I got a +OPK (or if not 100% +, tomorrow will be +) today and now I'm not sure whether we should TTC or hold off until my RE can run all of the tests. I'd HATE to have to go through another MC if it can be prevented. Feeling sort of torn at the moment.

 

[Round2]

Ya, I feel like that too. I've pretty much missed everyone that I know who is having kids. When/if I ever have another baby, everybody will be done. That used bother me a lot, as did the age difference. Now I'm at the point, that I'll just be happy to have another baby at any time.

What kind of tests have you had done? My last FS appointment turned up that I have a high TSH level. I don't think it was the cause of my MC's but it may have contributed.