Playing at school friends houses.

[Doodlepants]

So I'm new to all of this, DD just started school this Sept.

One of the Mums at school asked if DD would like to go and play. The thing is- I don't really know the family and I have a feeling they let their kids play out the front (we don't let Holly do this at all). It's not just the playing out the front thing, it's that we don't know them at all and I think the kids there are kind of left to get on with it.

What do you do? I'm really not happy with her going, I was going to just say that DD is kind of nervous about going to others houses but would X like to come and play here? Does that sounds awful? I've been really worrying, I don't want to hurt the Mum's feelings but I'm not really happy about DD going there.
TIA x

ETA- I should probably add that DD does go to friends houses- but we know the families so are fine with it, I know that have to go to friends houses sometimes lol!

 

[RachA]

It is a hard one. Daniel has never been on his own yet. Today he actually has a friend over, so its mayhem here lol. Now that his friend has been here i have no problem with him going to his friends house if he's asked. His friend has also been over here once with his mum and younger brother and i have been to his friends house but it was during the day when he was at school (i took my lo who is the same age as her lo).

If a child asked Daniel and i had never really spoken to the mum then i would say no but invite them to mine instead. Your line of 'they are nervous' etc would be good.

 

[Doodlepants]

Thanks! It's so hard! I think I will definitely say the nervous thing- it's the only thing I could think of that wouldn't offend (I hope!) x

 

[Lotiel]

Well, my son just loves going over to his friends' to play, but I'm not as happy as he is about it. Every family has their own peciluarities: some parent smoke inside, some feed children unlimited sweets, others let them play computer games for unlimited time, etc. But I do not think it's right to stop him from going completely, these are his friends, after all. So I let him but as long as his homework is done and his room is tidy and it's not too late. So these conditions make sure these visits do not happen too often. And I've seen all the parents at school meetings.

 

[elsielouise]

My son has just started asking this too. My rule is to invite the child and mummy here for coffee first. And then I expect to go to their house too.

Or he's not going.

Fortunately other mums at my sons school are equally cautious.

 

[sabby52]

I will be honest and say I am pretty laid back with things like this, but then I have a 14 year old and have been through it all.

Dec started school last month as well and so far he has been to 2 friends houses (people I dont know) and he had a ball, I have the mothers mobile numbers and vice versa so we keep in touch all the time while the kids are there, we have discussed things our kids are not allowed to do, things they dont like to eat, ect.ect.

last Friday Dec went to his "best friends" (he has only known him for about 3-4 weeks lol) after school, his friends mummy collected him at 1.30pm and he didnt come home until 6.30pm that evening, I did worry a little as it was his first time in this persons house, but I just texted every so often to see how things were.

I completley understnad your worries, why dont you organise a play date in your house first and invite the mum along for coffee, that way you can have a chat and express your worries and you can both discuss things your children can and cant do. xx

 

[Doodlepants]

Thanks! I think I'll have a chat with her, she seems like a nice person, just quite different to me I guess.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Ooh, I'm so nervous about this stage!... Tom just missed out on school this yr as he's a september boy, so I'll have it all next yr!

Hope it goes well x

 

[marina294]

Couldn't you go with for the first time I noticed you said you think they do certain things you wouldn't without actually knowing if they do. Just say something like oh we have an appt at said time but my daughter didn't want to miss out so mind if we both just pop in for an hour?,that way you can see what happens then judge for yourself. It must be scary leaving them for the first time I for one am not looking forward to it .

 

[Doodlepants]

Thanks everyone!
I spoke to her and she was completely fine- phew! I'm going to go with her and have coffee while the girls play
Thanks for your advice! xx