Please help, Im so close to giving up breast feeding, Im emotional wreck at mo!

[welshsarah]

Ok here it goes, firstly my baby is a month old today. sorry for the long baffling essay but I need advice and also reassurance im doing the right thing, because in my head I dont feel I am. I feel like a failure. 3rd baby, first 2 were bottle fed. No problems, beautiful baby, I was happy, got to go to all my baby clubs, baby massage, slimming world. As Ioan was my last baby I decided I would do everything different. I wanted to experience breast feeding. Both kids would be in school, be able to fit feeding around my activities. I knew breast feeding would be hard. I knew to give the baby 4-6 weeks before breast feeding is established. I knew not to give bottles or dummies. Or I didnt buy a pump because I wanted to put baby to my boobs all the time and not fall into the way of thinking ill just express the milk.

Well everything went wrong on day 1. Day 1, I was buzzing for the midwife constantly due to help with attaching Ioan to the boob. Im a big girl (size 18 uk) and the only way I could feed him and get him attached in the hospital was to ask for help attaching him to the boob. We made it 20hours, before a midwife got peed off with me, told me I had to start doing things myself and commented how I was starving my baby. Which made me burst in to tears and he ended up having formula. He had formula for the next few days with me attempting to breast feed when I could. Baby would latch on perfectly but after about 1 min he would always pull himself off and I ended up giving him a top up because he would get himself into a frenzy. At 6 days a midwife came to visit me and told me I needed to up my milk supply, So I rented a duo electric pump, I couldnt really afford 200 for a really good double electric pump. Well it came but with Sadie going back to school and dylan needed to be weaned in (he still does going from 9am-11am at the moment). I wasnt able to pump as much as I should have been doing. 2x day (when I should have been doing it 8-12x) My laundry was building up, dishes unwashed, living room untidy and all I could think was to keep the baby with me. Ioan was getting really windy and sicky (I refused to put him on a number 2 teat... because I thought I could kiss breast feeding goodbye... But he was getting windy all the time.. even tried giving him infocol before a feed.)
I was offering him the boob now before each and every feed, sometimes he sucked for 30 secs sometimes 1 min, before pushing off and screaming. I was crying a lot, the other kids had to make do with dad and I tried spending time with the baby in bed and doing lots of skin to skin. But upstairs in bed it was even worst he wouldnt even latch on. I bought a nipple shield but didnt get on with them, couldnt keep them in place.
on day 14 a health visitor come out, I asked her what can I do to get Ioan on the boob, she told me to pursuer and dont give him a bottle. So that evening I did and sure enough after 5 mins he screamed and screamed and was getting really distressed, so I started crying and ended up giving him formula.
The next day the midwife called I told her my problem and what happend the night before and she watched me feed, and she pointed out my problem was that Ioan was comfortable and we changed him to the football hold and he fed for about 10 mins. So every feed I would do the football hold and then give him formula In hope that one day he would get back on the boob. As he got a little bit bigger he began going longer than an hr between feeds and I started to pump a little more, only managed to get half an oz but would mix it with his milk, after his breast feed and give it to him in a bottle.
Ioan was still getting windy and really sick and in the end made the decision of putting him on a number 2 teat after having an evening of a very unsettled baby.
Now a month on, Im not getting anywhere with what im doing, Im stressed keep shouting at the kids, DS has been weeing the bed (he potty trained in the holidays and was doing really well but since the baby as been here he has been weeing the bed every night (so yes extra washing). I feel like Im not bonding with Ioan as everytime he stirs im worrying about upping my milk supply or feeding him boob, and instantly get the feeling of dread when I reach for a bottle of formula. Like Im a failure. Im constantly reading or online looking at ways to get him back breast feeding. I feel like crying all the time. I really wish he could get on the boob and feed and not give him milk.
Iv been to baby group once and that was terrible all Ioan did was scream the two hours as I tried feeding him and it just didnt work. I never had my nursing pillows and the chairs didnt have support.
I keep telling myself it will get better, he will feed. The last few nights I havent even been able to feed him myself at night time, and OH had to take over, Im worried about how it has affected my milk supply, but I literally couldnt keep my eyes open.
Everyones telling me to just give up as I have given formula to my other two and they grew up good.
But I cant im obsessed. I havent told my health visitor any of my recent problems. All I care about when she comes is that the house is gleaming and that I look like im managing brilliently. Im so worried about what she will think if I tell her im still having problems. she will probably think Im not trying hard enough. and tbh maybe im not, I should be pumping more. and trying to leave the cleaning in exchange for rest and be able to offering some boob at night. I just dont know what to do mums. So this is my last call. Im begging you mummies please help me, I really dont know what to do. x

 

[MoldyVoldy]

I have to say this first: These are my OPINIONS. What works for ME may not work for everyone.

OK:

First of all, stop pumping and using formula. They are hurting your supply because you aren't on a pumping schedule and using formula, well, that's an obvious blow to your supply.

Wear your baby. I love woven wraps but the ergo, boba, etc are nice choices if you prefer buckles. However you choose to wear baby, do it topless. Let your baby latch on however often he wants, even if it feels like you're nursing NON STOP.

Offer nothing but your breasts. If baby has a hard time with this, PUMP and put in bottles to feed during the day. At NIGHT, however, SLEEP WITH YOUR BABY! (if possible). Nurse your baby while he sleeps.

I've also heard that nipple shields can help with babies going back to the breast after being on bottles.

Instead of football hold, try laying down. Remember to lay on your side, and pull your baby to your breast (don't push yourself to your baby). Having someone help position your baby may help at first.

Hmmm I can't think of anything else right now but I might be back.

You're doing great, and remember if nursing is just too much, you can always pump.

 

[QueenMummyToBe]

Bless you what a horrid time you have had!

I agree with feeding as often as possible, plenty of skin to skin & you drink lots of water.

Try all the different positions to find one you both like but at least you have a fab latch already.

With housework set yourself 30 mins 3 times a day & in that time get as much done as possible. My Grandma always says to me if your kitchen is clean, washing done & toilets clean no one has anything to say lol

We are struggling atm, dd has a poor latch, im so sore, got mastitis in one side im on antibiotics for & i have to use shields for a lot of feeds otherwise we wouldnt be still breastfeeding.

Do you have a lactation clinic near you you could get some proper advice from?

*hugs* keep at it hun x x

 

[welshsarah]

Thank you everyone who has replied. I dont feel ready to give up trying to breast feed, as I know once you give it, your milks gone forever. Ioan had a gunky eye a couple of weeks ago and i was going to take him to the doctors the following day and it went completly on its own, and i swear its been down to breast feeding, also he hasnt got a cold, which I remember both my little ones getting them. Im terrified im going to stop and hes going to get ill. I know its irrational isnt it.
Well anyway after reading through everyones post and talking to my partner or rather crying in his arms. I have decided that me and Ioan are going to try the baby moon thing. I am going to take up sterilised bottles and carton formula to our bedroom in the morning, spend the day upstairs and oh watch some dvds on the laptop while cuddling skin to skin. Just hope it works and where do you get that herb that boasts milk supply? can you get it tesco/asda tomorrow as the herb shops will be closed xx

 

[Birdling]

Right, first of all - RELAX!! When you get stressed it can stop your milk flowing, might be why baby keeps pulling off.

Secondly, there's no shame in using expressed milk if the latch just isn't working. The baby still gets breast milk and you aren't panicing about how much he's having.

As a previous poster has said, you need to keep to a schedule though - pump every time your baby feeds and drink plenty while you do it. Always squeeze out as much as possible, because it will up your supply.

Breast feeding can be HARD, no denying, but once you've both got the hang of it, it's far easier than bottles and formula.

Thinking of you xxx

 

[HopefulPony]

I would suggest laying down to latch him. I'm bigger too and the only way my boy will latch is laying down... In his sleep Google paced bottle feeding - if you do give bottles it helps simulate the way they would suck at the breast. I try and do this at most feeds to help with latching. You can't get Fenugreek from supermarkets but you can get it in health good shops. The best way to increase supply is to pump if you can - maybe take the pump with you for your baby moon? Please don't give up - I wish I hadn't stopped trying so early on as I've had a hard time getting back to breastfeeding, the feeling of failure was too much an I had to give it another shot.

 

[mcsmyth1]

im pretty new to bf myself but i have come across SNS (supplemental feeding system) and i think if it all gets too much for you this could really help!

https://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/products/51/supplemental-nursing-system-sns

Basically you put whatever you have pumped into the bottle and attach a small tube to your nipple, it means ALL feeding can be done at the breast and you are reassured baby is getting enough, whilst also boosting your supply because baby is nursing for every feed.

like i say im new to bf myself so perhaps someone can elaborate on SNS, but i do think it could help.

lots of skin to skin, pump every time baby has a bottle, and another thought would be that perhaps baby is preferring the faster flow of the bottle? im using a size 1 teat for expressed and i personally wont be changing for at least a couple of months.

pumping after a hot shower can help, and try to be close to baby or have a pic to look at as it can help with letdown.

well done for persevering! things will get better

 

[tankgirl]

I had a difficult time of it at first, and I cannot recommend skin to skin and nipple shields enough. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was really worth it! She just suddenly got it at about 3 months old. I think it just takes some babies longer than others to figure it all out. Stick with it, you'll both get there!

 

[welshsarah]

Ok I thought I better update everyone on what happend after the baby moon. We did the baby moon on the sunday and from doing it I not only got to relax and watch a movie (yes a movie) but it really helped us and I managed to find a way with each of us laying down on the bed and him elevated on a pillow to feed off me. Even through he was sucking and feeding off me a little bit, he still needed some top ups after feeding off me. On monday after dropping kids off in school I picked up some fenugreek and bought some oat type food. I managed to munch my way through an entire pack of Oat biscuits and also some hobnobs. LOL yes i skipped slimming world this week. Well the fenugreek was amazing and basically my milk came in straight away. On tuesday I leaked, and was so happy. Now 6 days on since I nearly had a breakdown over breast feeding, Im feeling a lot better, he is still having top ups, but I am now trying to express so even if he needs a top up Im offering him breast milk, then formula. My milk has inproved with the volume I can express before I would get drips and drabs sometimes half an oz. now I get about 1 oz (maybe 1 and half in the morning) after 20mins, 10mins on each boob. We still have a long way to go but im taking it day by day at the moment and just keep trying xxx

 

[summer rain]

Great news! Slowly but surely...am glad to hear things are going better for you xx

 

[JASMAK]

I would really stop with the top ups. Your baby doesnt need them. Sounds like it is coming along. Xo

 

[lily28]

Great news!!! So happy you are on the right path!
Please don't give up, be confident you will make it work, stay in bed with the baby and cuddle as much as possible! I use side lying BF all the time because that is what works best with my son. For the first 2 months I only breastfed it seems, I was in bed the whole time except for evening walks in the park, watching tv shows on the laptop or playing candy crush, and breastfed the whole time. Boring? yes. I got a girl to help out with the house chores and my husband to cook. I also used fenugreek which is a miracle, it brings so much milk!
I think it is so worth persevering with BF!
I also wear my son daily, I think it helps a lot. My husband (he is my no1 supporter w/ BF) also wears him and we make sure we have lots of skin to skin w/ baby as it makes him feel loved and secure.
Good job, and keep it up hun! And don't feel regrets w/ the formula, a few bottles of formula can save your breastfeeding, it is not the end of the world.