welshsarah
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 23, 2009
- Messages
- 730
- Reaction score
- 0
Ok here it goes, firstly my baby is a month old today. sorry for the long baffling essay but I need advice and also reassurance im doing the right thing, because in my head I dont feel I am. I feel like a failure. 3rd baby, first 2 were bottle fed. No problems, beautiful baby, I was happy, got to go to all my baby clubs, baby massage, slimming world. As Ioan was my last baby I decided I would do everything different. I wanted to experience breast feeding. Both kids would be in school, be able to fit feeding around my activities. I knew breast feeding would be hard. I knew to give the baby 4-6 weeks before breast feeding is established. I knew not to give bottles or dummies. Or I didnt buy a pump because I wanted to put baby to my boobs all the time and not fall into the way of thinking ill just express the milk.
Well everything went wrong on day 1. Day 1, I was buzzing for the midwife constantly due to help with attaching Ioan to the boob. Im a big girl (size 18 uk) and the only way I could feed him and get him attached in the hospital was to ask for help attaching him to the boob. We made it 20hours, before a midwife got peed off with me, told me I had to start doing things myself and commented how I was starving my baby. Which made me burst in to tears and he ended up having formula. He had formula for the next few days with me attempting to breast feed when I could. Baby would latch on perfectly but after about 1 min he would always pull himself off and I ended up giving him a top up because he would get himself into a frenzy. At 6 days a midwife came to visit me and told me I needed to up my milk supply, So I rented a duo electric pump, I couldnt really afford 200 for a really good double electric pump. Well it came but with Sadie going back to school and dylan needed to be weaned in (he still does going from 9am-11am at the moment). I wasnt able to pump as much as I should have been doing. 2x day (when I should have been doing it 8-12x) My laundry was building up, dishes unwashed, living room untidy and all I could think was to keep the baby with me. Ioan was getting really windy and sicky (I refused to put him on a number 2 teat... because I thought I could kiss breast feeding goodbye... But he was getting windy all the time.. even tried giving him infocol before a feed.)
I was offering him the boob now before each and every feed, sometimes he sucked for 30 secs sometimes 1 min, before pushing off and screaming. I was crying a lot, the other kids had to make do with dad and I tried spending time with the baby in bed and doing lots of skin to skin. But upstairs in bed it was even worst he wouldnt even latch on. I bought a nipple shield but didnt get on with them, couldnt keep them in place.
on day 14 a health visitor come out, I asked her what can I do to get Ioan on the boob, she told me to pursuer and dont give him a bottle. So that evening I did and sure enough after 5 mins he screamed and screamed and was getting really distressed, so I started crying and ended up giving him formula.
The next day the midwife called I told her my problem and what happend the night before and she watched me feed, and she pointed out my problem was that Ioan was comfortable and we changed him to the football hold and he fed for about 10 mins. So every feed I would do the football hold and then give him formula In hope that one day he would get back on the boob. As he got a little bit bigger he began going longer than an hr between feeds and I started to pump a little more, only managed to get half an oz but would mix it with his milk, after his breast feed and give it to him in a bottle.
Ioan was still getting windy and really sick and in the end made the decision of putting him on a number 2 teat after having an evening of a very unsettled baby.
Now a month on, Im not getting anywhere with what im doing, Im stressed keep shouting at the kids,
DS has been weeing the bed (he potty trained in the holidays and was doing really well but since the baby as been here he has been weeing the bed every night (so yes extra washing). I feel like Im not bonding with Ioan as everytime he stirs im worrying about upping my milk supply or feeding him boob, and instantly get the feeling of dread when I reach for a bottle of formula. Like Im a failure. Im constantly reading or online looking at ways to get him back breast feeding. I feel like crying all the time. I really wish he could get on the boob and feed and not give him milk.
Iv been to baby group once and that was terrible all Ioan did was scream the two hours as I tried feeding him and it just didnt work. I never had my nursing pillows and the chairs didnt have support.
I keep telling myself it will get better, he will feed. The last few nights I havent even been able to feed him myself at night time, and OH had to take over, Im worried about how it has affected my milk supply, but I literally couldnt keep my eyes open.
Everyones telling me to just give up as I have given formula to my other two and they grew up good.
But I cant im obsessed. I havent told my health visitor any of my recent problems. All I care about when she comes is that the house is gleaming and that I look like im managing brilliently. Im so worried about what she will think if I tell her im still having problems. she will probably think Im not trying hard enough. and tbh maybe im not, I should be pumping more. and trying to leave the cleaning in exchange for rest and be able to offering some boob at night. I just dont know what to do mums. So this is my last call. Im begging you mummies please help me, I really dont know what to do. x
Well everything went wrong on day 1. Day 1, I was buzzing for the midwife constantly due to help with attaching Ioan to the boob. Im a big girl (size 18 uk) and the only way I could feed him and get him attached in the hospital was to ask for help attaching him to the boob. We made it 20hours, before a midwife got peed off with me, told me I had to start doing things myself and commented how I was starving my baby. Which made me burst in to tears and he ended up having formula. He had formula for the next few days with me attempting to breast feed when I could. Baby would latch on perfectly but after about 1 min he would always pull himself off and I ended up giving him a top up because he would get himself into a frenzy. At 6 days a midwife came to visit me and told me I needed to up my milk supply, So I rented a duo electric pump, I couldnt really afford 200 for a really good double electric pump. Well it came but with Sadie going back to school and dylan needed to be weaned in (he still does going from 9am-11am at the moment). I wasnt able to pump as much as I should have been doing. 2x day (when I should have been doing it 8-12x) My laundry was building up, dishes unwashed, living room untidy and all I could think was to keep the baby with me. Ioan was getting really windy and sicky (I refused to put him on a number 2 teat... because I thought I could kiss breast feeding goodbye... But he was getting windy all the time.. even tried giving him infocol before a feed.)
I was offering him the boob now before each and every feed, sometimes he sucked for 30 secs sometimes 1 min, before pushing off and screaming. I was crying a lot, the other kids had to make do with dad and I tried spending time with the baby in bed and doing lots of skin to skin. But upstairs in bed it was even worst he wouldnt even latch on. I bought a nipple shield but didnt get on with them, couldnt keep them in place.
on day 14 a health visitor come out, I asked her what can I do to get Ioan on the boob, she told me to pursuer and dont give him a bottle. So that evening I did and sure enough after 5 mins he screamed and screamed and was getting really distressed, so I started crying and ended up giving him formula.
The next day the midwife called I told her my problem and what happend the night before and she watched me feed, and she pointed out my problem was that Ioan was comfortable and we changed him to the football hold and he fed for about 10 mins. So every feed I would do the football hold and then give him formula In hope that one day he would get back on the boob. As he got a little bit bigger he began going longer than an hr between feeds and I started to pump a little more, only managed to get half an oz but would mix it with his milk, after his breast feed and give it to him in a bottle.
Ioan was still getting windy and really sick and in the end made the decision of putting him on a number 2 teat after having an evening of a very unsettled baby.
Now a month on, Im not getting anywhere with what im doing, Im stressed keep shouting at the kids,
DS has been weeing the bed (he potty trained in the holidays and was doing really well but since the baby as been here he has been weeing the bed every night (so yes extra washing). I feel like Im not bonding with Ioan as everytime he stirs im worrying about upping my milk supply or feeding him boob, and instantly get the feeling of dread when I reach for a bottle of formula. Like Im a failure. Im constantly reading or online looking at ways to get him back breast feeding. I feel like crying all the time. I really wish he could get on the boob and feed and not give him milk. Iv been to baby group once and that was terrible all Ioan did was scream the two hours as I tried feeding him and it just didnt work. I never had my nursing pillows and the chairs didnt have support.
I keep telling myself it will get better, he will feed. The last few nights I havent even been able to feed him myself at night time, and OH had to take over, Im worried about how it has affected my milk supply, but I literally couldnt keep my eyes open.
Everyones telling me to just give up as I have given formula to my other two and they grew up good.
But I cant im obsessed. I havent told my health visitor any of my recent problems. All I care about when she comes is that the house is gleaming and that I look like im managing brilliently. Im so worried about what she will think if I tell her im still having problems. she will probably think Im not trying hard enough. and tbh maybe im not, I should be pumping more. and trying to leave the cleaning in exchange for rest and be able to offering some boob at night. I just dont know what to do mums. So this is my last call. Im begging you mummies please help me, I really dont know what to do. x
Google paced bottle feeding - if you do give bottles it helps simulate the way they would suck at the breast. I try and do this at most feeds to help with latching. You can't get Fenugreek from supermarkets but you can get it in health good shops. The best way to increase supply is to pump if you can - maybe take the pump with you for your baby moon? Please don't give up - I wish I hadn't stopped trying so early on as I've had a hard time getting back to breastfeeding, the feeling of failure was too much an I had to give it another shot.
