Please help me

[Josephs_Daddy]

Me and my fiance experienced a premature birth towards the end of 2009. He was 13 weeks early and spent ten weeks in SCBU before coming home day before xmas eve.

He's since been diagnosed as blind and is now 18 months old. We've been through some really tough times with constant hospital appointments, worries about his health, and it's strained us so hard.

Then six weeks ago, she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore, and I moved in with my Dad.

I've been broken to pieces. I can't find myself anymore, and the hard thing is I see her everyday when I go to see my son.

I thought I could cope. But today I cracked and went to the doctors who has put me on Fluoxetine for depression. I miss her so bad but she's adamant that we will never ever get back together so I told her I can't see her anymore while I get over it.

I asked her only ever to text me about the baby which she agreed with but today texts and asks how I am. Why? I haven't told her about the depression but I sometimes think that because of what we've been through she could be suffering too?

Has anyone had any experience similar?

Thanks. Mike.

 

[lal]

I don't have anything to help, but I do know how hard it is to see the other parent of your child and still have feelings for them, when they have decided to move on. It hurts. But it will be okay - I always think that people go through this stuff every day...and a lot of them meet someone new and live happily ever after, so that is what I'm planning good luck, I hope everything works out for you and your child.

 

[LoraLoo]

Not exactly the same but my partner and I have been through some really traumatic experiences in the last 3 years and its put massive pressure on us, almost to the point of breaking point. A few times we have considered splitting up, but that tie iss there. I think it is unfair of her to stay at your Dads, if she doesnt see you getting back together

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

Not exactly the same but my partner and I have been through some really traumatic experiences in the last 3 years and its put massive pressure on us, almost to the point of breaking point. A few times we have considered splitting up, but that tie iss there. I think it is unfair of her to stay at your Dads, if she doesnt see you getting back together

No, I moved out of our home and in with my Dad while I look for my own place. I go to the house where she is with my son daily to see him. So even though it was her decision I felt I had to move out and leave them

 

[LoraLoo]

Not exactly the same but my partner and I have been through some really traumatic experiences in the last 3 years and its put massive pressure on us, almost to the point of breaking point. A few times we have considered splitting up, but that tie iss there. I think it is unfair of her to stay at your Dads, if she doesnt see you getting back together

No, I moved out of our home and in with my Dad while I look for my own place. I go to the house where she is with my son daily to see him. So even though it was her decision I felt I had to move out and leave them

Sorry, misread, I was thinking it was a little odd . Is there any way she could drop him off at yours, or somewhere that you can spend time with him alone? Know this may not always be practical.

 

[littlekitten8]

It is hard to be the one who still loves the parent of your child while they have moved on. And it will be hard seeing her every day. I agree that it may be easier for now if she can drop him over to you or a neutral place to see him. It may be that she is depressed herself. Perhaps you should talk to her about your depression. Having a premature baby is an incredibly stressful experience, as is having a child with some sort of disability. Don't ever lose hope. Things will work out whether that is with you together or apart.

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

I dont think she would show any interest in that to be honest but I know shes been struggling for a while. Thing is with depression it can't be treated until the person suffering REALISES thats the case.

I also don't think she truly understand just how much I miss her, I haven't wanted to push too hard and beg for her back because I didn't wanna push her further away.

I'm really close to her mum and I'm gonna meet her for a coffee next week. I don't think her mum realises just how hard I'm finding it so I think it will shock her a little bit. And I know for a fact that her mum will then sit my ex down and try and find out how she's feeling, and will explain exactly how much I love her. I think, knowing her as long as I have, it may take a third party input for her to realise the true extent of the decision she's made.

Then it's down to her.

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

Not exactly the same but my partner and I have been through some really traumatic experiences in the last 3 years and its put massive pressure on us, almost to the point of breaking point. A few times we have considered splitting up, but that tie iss there. I think it is unfair of her to stay at your Dads, if she doesnt see you getting back together

No, I moved out of our home and in with my Dad while I look for my own place. I go to the house where she is with my son daily to see him. So even though it was her decision I felt I had to move out and leave them

Sorry, misread, I was thinking it was a little odd . Is there any way she could drop him off at yours, or somewhere that you can spend time with him alone? Know this may not always be practical.

I usually pick him up and then take him out anyway

 

[Avalanche]

Give her time. You've both been through a hugely traumatic event and you both not only have to cope with your own feelings but each others too.

Have you thought about going to counselling?

I split up with my husband for a year and he went and got counselling on his own then invited me to join him so we could have a civil relationship for our daughter. Through us going together we worked through a lot of issues and are now back together.

Be careful of talking to her Mum, my ex did that and it made me feel like they were ganging up on me and pushed me MUCH further away from him. Her Mum is her Mum, you can't ask her to take sides or talk to her for you.

 

[Josephs_Daddy]

Give her time. You've both been through a hugely traumatic event and you both not only have to cope with your own feelings but each others too.

Have you thought about going to counselling?

I split up with my husband for a year and he went and got counselling on his own then invited me to join him so we could have a civil relationship for our daughter. Through us going together we worked through a lot of issues and are now back together.

Be careful of talking to her Mum, my ex did that and it made me feel like they were ganging up on me and pushed me MUCH further away from him. Her Mum is her Mum, you can't ask her to take sides or talk to her for you.

I would never speak to her mum and ask her to do the talking for me. But I'm close to her mum and havent really seen her since the split so I know I'm gonna break down. In turn I know she will talk to Stacey but they are like two peas in a pod, so it wouldn't be her giving her a lecture.

I would happily take counsilling, I really would, but again she's so set in her ways that we're over and she doesn't wanna go back that she just wouldn't entertain it at the moment.

 

[Avalanche]

Maybe you should go to counselling on your own then to deal with everything that's happened and maybe, in time, she will go with you so you can build a better civil relationship for your child.

The worst thing you could do right now is put pressure on her if she wasn't coping very well to begin with. I know it's hard, but for the sake of having a chance in the long run with her try to keep it together and just quietly be there. Let her know you still love her, but don't smother her.

I hope you find some comfort in talking to her Mum

 

[Mumof42009]

You've had some great advice already, but does sound like you could both benefit from some counselling. I know myself how hard it is having premature babies and it turns your life upside down. Me and my ex partner split up after our son was born, I felt he never understood and gave me enough support. Glad you got help with the depression.
Hope you can work things out.

 

[MrsKippling]