Please help!! Some advice very much needed

[Quaint]

Hello... I am posting this thread on behalf of my Boyfriend. He has a 7 year old Daughter who he adores. He broke up with his little girl's Mum about 4 years ago and up until October this year he had very regular contact with his daughter. He and his little girl have always had a very close loving relationship, and he really is a fantastic Father. The Mum of his Daughter met another man in the summer of 2008 and since being in a new relationship she has done everything in her power to manipulate his little girl into spending as little time as possible with her Dad. It started to get much worse in October, not long after his Daughters 7th Birthday, when the Mum started saying that his little girl didnt want to see him. My boyfriend said that at the age of 7 she shouldnt really have a choice whether or not she wants to see him as he was aware how manipulating the Mum is. On that note when he and his Daughter are together they have such a fantastic time, their relationship is quite enviable, even to the point of his Daughter sobbing when she has to go back home to her mum. That is the reason he didnt think his Girl should have a choice, as without her Mum's influence she is always more than happy to spend time with her Dad.

Now to the point of this thread. My Boyfriend received an email from his Daughter's Mum 3 day's before Christmas telling him that she had moved an hour and a half's drive away up north and that if he wanted to see her again she had the same mobile number. He called her immediately saying of course he wanted to see his little girl, and that she shouldnt have just moved her home and school without saying a word... obviously he was distraught... at the moment he has no car so getting to visit her is going to be nigh on impossible. His daughter's mom then laughed at him saying "im not telling you where we live, its none of your business" and she hung up.

So at the moment all we know is she lives somewhere north. My Boyfriend is devasted. He simply has no clue what his rights are, if she is allowed to move to a secret location, if she is allowed to stop all contact. They were never married so as far as im aware he has no automatic parental resposibility.

If anyone can give us advice it would be so much appreciated. This really is a heartbreaking situation for my partner. He has always been a loving Father, never once violent with anyone, and it is just disgusting that he can be booted out of his daughter's life for no other reason except so her Mum can play happy family's with her new partner.

I once again thankyou in advance for your help and advice x

 

[Plumfairy]

Hi there. Im afraid I dont really have any advice with regards to what rights he has as a father etc, but didnt want to read and run. Its certainly a horrible situation, and totally unacceptable in my eyes. I really hope somebody will be able to give you some usefull advice over this matter. Welcome to Baby and Bump by the way! x

 

[brownhairedmom]

Where are you living? Things are different in different countries.

He can get visitation rights and with the rate she's going and what he did they might even get shared custody. If he isn't on the birth certificate, he needs to establish paternity through a DNA test which is ordered by the courts. If he is on the birth certificate then he can skip this and just go straight to court and fight for visitation or custody. He has been in his daughters life, and as long as he isn't unfit (which he doesn't sound to be) then there is absolutely no reason a judge would deny him visitation if not even partial custody. It isn't going to look good on her what she's done, that is for sure and certain.

I'm sorry for your OH, but more than that I'm sorry for his daughter because no child should be forced against their parents.

 

[leeanne]

I agree with Rae.

Another thing, here in Canada, she can be ordered to move back closer to where the father is. She has to prove why it is better living where she is etc. Not sure how it is where you live.

I honestly don't think it will look good on her moving away from the father without talking to him about it, etc. Especially when the father has been active in his daughter's life.

Definitely go through the courts for visitation.

 

[Sherileigh]

I'm sorry, but some women are pathetic when it comes to men! She meets a new guy and is willing to mess up her daughters life over this! The one that seems to be unfit is here. That is a cruel thing to do to a child. There's no reason for it. Good luck to you both! The advice given above is good advice...he absolutely has rights to this. She's in the wrong!

 

[nikky0907]

^ what Rae and Leeanne said.

He should go through court and get his visitation rights or even shared custody judging by her mothers behavior.
And yes,she can be ordered to move back closer and she will have to hand out her address (the fact that she told him that it's none of his business where his daughter lives is horrible to me )

 

[Quaint]

Hello again... many thanks for your support. Yes we do live in the UK and yes he is named on the birth certificate, DNA is not an issue thankfully.

I have been enquiring on other sites and found this quote on this site...

Damn it wont let me copy a link But the site is called Separate Dads UK.

"Within The U.K.
An awful lot is going to depend on the type of relationship you have with you ex. If it’s good, then when she moves you’ll be able to re-negotiate contact with your children. It might be that you don’t see them as often, but when you do it’s for a longer period.

If they’ve been spending a few nights a week with you, it can be especially bad, since you won’t have their presence regularly, which you’re used to. But your ex isn’t legally obliged to live near you.

If the relationship is bad, you might need to apply for a change in your contact order, which can be a gruelling procedure, not to mention expensive, since you’ll want to have a solicitor to represent you, although you may be able to come to an agreement through mediation. You will still be expected to pay child support as before."


This seems atrocious!!, their is no law to stop her moving and it is very expensive to go down the legal route. Honestly it beggars belief

 

[brownhairedmom]

She may actually be forced by law to pay his legal fees because she was keeping the child from him and that was his only outlet. Likely scenario.

 

[kayjor04]

seems very complicated in the UK...
i didnt want to read and run, but this is awful. she has no reason to keeo his daughter from him... i wonder if tequnically this is considering kidnapping taking off with his child, and not saying where they are?! I guess thats kind of last resort.
goodluck to your bf.

 

[Eoz]

hi.I have alot of expierience in this field.

He should go to a soliciter asap.lots do a drop in clinc for free advice.If he is on Birth certificate he can apply for parental responsibility and a prohibited steps order.This gives him a lot of active say in her life and the mother has to involve him no matter what.Also once he has these rights he can go direct to the school,doctor etc not through the mother to see how his daughter is progressing.As for moving she should have asked him and got him involved.the judge if it went tocourt would not take to kindly to her moving so far away.Now she has moved nothing can be done but she has to offer reasonable contact and has to be helpful with travelling.If he had these rights before she moved then the judge may have ordered it not go through.As it is a distance thing and it did go to court I would say your partner would be offered half the holidays and every other weekend contact.He should be allowed to phone so long as he gives a day and a time.As for expensive it can be but legal aid willl pay if earnings are not to high,not all but some.Some also let you pay so much a week/month.

I am a rare case and I'm a mum who had no contact with my children for over 6 mths.My ex took the kids away and moved schools.3 years of fighting and some soliciters fees I have contact and Parental responsibility and a prohibited steps order.Please don't give up hope.it is his daughter he has rights xxxxx

 

[louise1302]

my friend went through this recently his ex moved with his 4 yr old son and wouldnt tell him where..he went to a solicitor who took the matter to court and the courts traced her through her child benefit they then wrote to her demanding she restart contact or else give good reason why she wasnt( a good reason is only alcoholism, drugs violence etc-my friend was none of theses as im sure your bf isnt) he now sees his son on a regular basis again although it was difficult at first as she moved a few times but each time the court traced her through the child benefitin the end the court threatened to prosecute her for what she was doing and like i sday hes back to seeing his son every week
hope this helps hun x