Please help with my non-sleeping 12 month old..!

[MemmaJ]

My little boy just turned 1 this week.
Since I returned to work almost 3 months ago, he has stopped sleeping through the night and wakes up multiple times throughout the night.

He goes to bed around 6.30pm and it'll start between 11pm and Midnight.
Initially it's usually enough to just go in and put his dummy back in (he still hasn't worked out to do it himself despite leaving several in his cot, trying dummy clips, etc). Very frustrating because he does know what to do (if he finds a dummy when he's awake, he'll put it straight in his mouth!), he just won't at night time. He doesn't have a dummy at any ther time, only at nap/sleep times.

75% of nights we also end up having to give him a bottle at some point around 4am because he'll just keep waking up every 45 minutes or so until we do.

So I don't know if it's hunger or just habit now..? He has a morning and evening bottle, and I also reintroduced an afternoon one a while ago, thinking that might help, He has 3 meals a day but maybe they're not big enough..?
A couple of months ago I tried increasing his meal sizes and it just became a bit of a battle but haven't tried again since.

His daytime naps when he's home with me are good - he has two fairly decent ones a day. When I'm at work (maximum 2 days a week) and he's with the childminder, it all goes a bit wrong and he sometimes only has one 20 minute nap all day because she just does her own thing. I know he eats very well there though.

He has a bedtime routine, blackout blind, a teddy/lovey that he's had since birth, I've gone up a nappy size and his bedroom is quiet and warm enough. I just don't know what else to do.
He's nowhere near attempting to walk so not trying to 'master a new skill' or anything...

I briefly spoke to the Health Visitor about it when he had his 12 month check last week, and she said we just need to take the dummy away.
But before I do that (because it's going to be horrendous), I want to establish whether that's the problem or if it's hunger or something else.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant, suffering really badly with nausea and fatigue, working 13 hour shifts, and I'm absolutely exhausted.
I can't go on like this and I desperately want him sleeping through again ASAP or at least by the time the new baby comes!

Does anyone have any thoughts or techniques? I think I'd even be happy to try Cry It Out at this point (my partner is a bit of a wet blanket though and I'm not sure he could cope with it/would stick with it!)

 

[noon_child]

I may not be any use because we didn't use pacifiers and I just breastfed my daughter whenever she woke because it just solved hunger/comfort/cold etc without me having to think too much but I'll give you my thoughts:

Just because he used to sleep through, doesn't mean that that is "normal" and what he is doing now means something is "wrong". Babies change all the time and around 1yr you have language development as well as getting more mobile which is a lot for the brain all at once.

He gets a big chunk of sleep between 6:30 and 11-12, which means he can transition between sleep cycles sometimes but then becomes more unsettled. This seems quite a common pattern (it resembles what my daughter did) but I wonder if it might be worth trying a bottle at midnight and see if it leaves him more settled for the rest of the night, rather than trying multiple ways to get him to sleep and then resorting to a bottle hours later after you are exhausted. I'd also say that while you are newly pregnant and feeling sick and tired, it would be worth going to bed early yourself - maybe even have tea with him and go to be at 6:30 after he is down. I know it sounds depressing to "lose" your evening, but it's not forever and catching up on sleep will make you feel so much better about things - I had 2hr naps every evening in my first trimester and I didn't even have an older child waking me up through the night!!

Increasing his meal size doesn't mean he has to eat it, just that he has the choice to eat more if he wants. I wouldn't bother making it a battle just see if offering more makes any difference. I always gave my daughter as much (healthy balanced) food as she wanted till she just stopped eating it, and at 1yr she was in a huge growth spurt that meant she had food or milk every 2hrs (adult sized portions often) and still woke through the night for around 3 proper breastfeeds. She was just absolutely gobbling all the energy up getting ready for first words etc.

 

[sunshine2014]

Hmmm, that sounds frustrating. I wish I had some solid advice to offer. Do you have a camera monitor? I found that helped with us because we used to go in any time she cried, but once we had the camera monitor set up we could see that she was fine. It allowed me to feel comfortable letting her self soothe. Babies aren't naturals at that, and have to be taught. They recommend not doing that too early, but at a year your LO is able to do so now. I would try that, or even leaving the door open a wee bit so that your DH/you can peek in to make sure everything is okay, without your baby seeing you.

I'm curious to know why they suggested taking away the dummy. I mean, you could try just not going in to give it to him and if he really wants it, he will pick it up. I think it's just a choice thing for him, because by this age babies are usually able to pick it up. So maybe he's just not making the connection between him and his dummy, but rather he knows you will come in and give it to him? I think my LO did that for awhile. Anyways, they make glow in the dark ones, so that may work...and also does he have a night light? Then he can see the dummy and may try to get it himself? Sorry...I'm rambling, just thinking of things we've tried.

 

[MemmaJ]

Thank you for your advice.

Funnily enough Sunshine I said almost the same thing to OH this morning about the dummy after another rough night! I said he doesn't even seem to realise that he can do it himself as he knows that if he cries, one of us will just come and do it. I suggested to him that when we put him down for naps/bed now, we don't put the dummy into his mouth (which is what we usually do and he goes straight to sleep) - leave it next to him and let him work out to do it himself.
He has a night light, most times we go in he is either sat up in his cot or standing up against the side - crying, half asleep. And goes straight back to sleep as soon as one of us lays him down and put his dummy in. He just can't seem to work out that he could do both of those things himself!

We don't have a camera monitor but I soooo wish we did! When I was pregnant last year OH wanted to get one and I refused, saying they're for paranoid people, haha! So we just got a normal one but I was so wrong - we definitely should have got one.

I have been going to bed very early - shortly after I put him to bed infact. Even if I don't sleep that early, I am resting in bed until I fall asleep.

He is on Cows Milk now so does that even count as a feed..?! I.e. Is it actually 'food' enough to satisfy hunger, or is he just wanting it out of habit..? I don't see how it can be filling him up because he'll then still want/have his full 7oz morning bottle only a few hours later..?!
I reduced the amount I gave him at 4am this morning to 5oz (it's usually 7oz) and he wasn't overly impressed, but will do the same tonight.