Please Help.

[Snowgirl82]

I have a baby boy 3 months old. My husband lost his job due to covid so our baby is home with him all day. I still work. My thing is our baby is so good with me. But yet when his dad tries to hold him, feed him or even change him he cries and screams. Alot of the times he can't even get close to our son without him screaming. He holds him and screaming soon as I take him its automatic stops. What can we do to get him to stop crying ever time with his dad. Any advice will help please.

 

[_Meep_]

Just to keep trying is all I can suggest really. It's entirely normal for a young baby who has been inside its mother for 9 months to naturally feel more comfortable with her, though I realise in your situation this must be very upsetting and inconvenient! Does your husband tend to play with him, try to make him laugh and smile etc. when you are home? These are the things that will help them to bond.

I speak from similar experience - my second baby was a lot like this, only I fortunately did not have to work - though this meant I did 100% of the baby-care for the first few months on my own (which sucked)! They did start to get on with eachother though, the more interactive she got, and by about 5/6 months she would only nap for/on my OH. She's 3 now and they are deeply in love with eachother.

It's difficult but I think you don't have much choice other than to persevere and trust that this won't be permanent.

 

[Snowgirl82]

Thanks for your reply. Yes my husband tries to play with him and talk to him when I'm there and not there. He will even lay on the floor with him when he's on his playmat and still the screaming. It is very hard and depressing. Just wish I can stay home to help.

 

[Emma.W]

have something on your husband that smells like you. Or make sure that he doesn't smell completely different to you like with deodorants or aftershaves. It's the stark contrast of scent that makes a difference, as long as he is also gentle. A scarf or tshirt of yours being kept near baby when baby is sleeping really helps.
Making sure his skin/face is soft/shaved is useful too.
I always say you got to swim with the current and then try to change direction instead of trying to go upstream straight away

 

[noon_child]

One thing I would suggest is not to “take” your son from your husband, but agree that when your son gets too distressed your husband will find you and pass him to you. This may mean you sitting on your hands when you want to reach out, but it is one way to build trust that Daddy will look after him (Even if that means finding mummy) rather than mummy always has to come find baby and rescue him from scary daddy. This will probably also help increase your husbands confidence that YOU trust him too which will give him the boost he needs to work even harder on figuring out his way of parenting. Also remind your husband that in the early weeks/months you also had a baby who would scream at you and you didnt know if you were doing anything right, but that it takes time to build that relationship.