PND Or Sleep deprived?!

[Elephant13]

Hi All,
I'm hoping there is someone out there who can relate to me in some way?!
My lo is now 13 months old since day one he has been an awful sleeper. I can probably count on one hand the amount of full nights sleep I have had in the last year and they have been spaced out over that year. I am sometimes up anything between 3 & 7 times a night. Now I'm not really posting for miracle cures, I have tried everything to help my child sleep. Consistent bedtime routine, feeding well, giving a night feed, stopping a night feed, controlled crying, having a snack before bath and bed etc etc you name it I've tried it & it doesn't make one bit of difference, my hv said that he is a very clever baby-he is incredibly active, he rolled over at 10 weeks, sat up at 4 months, crawled at 5 months, walked at 9 months, he has escaped out of a jumperoo, he can wiggle himself out of straps on his hi chair and have seen him stand up in that hi chair when I turne dmy back for a split second, he can climb onto the sofa, up the stairs and come down the stairs, he also learnt to stack soft toys up in his cot to stand on them for extra height to climb out of the cot-as you can see I have my hands full. .
So back to the point of my thread, basically I am a mess, I'm emotional, I'm exhausted yet I cant shut my brain off at night, I'm anxious which I have never been before, I'm irritable and snappy & I ache, my head feels foggy with thoughts and like its constantly on overload. I am very jealous of friends who have children of same age who have very easy laidback babies and who always are so happy to tell me how wonderful there life is and how they are so full of love for their child. Which just adds to me feeling for miserable.
Don't get me wrong I have a great bond with my baby and despite his activeness & my exhaustion I love him to pieces, it isn't him, the problem is with me. I eat well (80% of the time) I take b vitamins, and evening primrose oil to help my hormones etc but nothing is shifting this feeling. I have probably felt my worst for the last 3 months. Some days are fine other days I struggle not break down in tears.
My nurse said that I have mild pnd and she wants to refer me, I just think I could be sleep deprived. I'm not looking for a cure, just a sympathetic ear perhaps & to maybe know I am not alone?

Thanks for reading x

 

[mowat]

Definitely sound sleep deprived! Any reason you shouldn't get referred? Might be a good idea to talk to someone.

 

[Elephant13]

Definitely sound sleep deprived! Any reason you shouldn't get referred? Might be a good idea to talk to someone.

Hiya, thanks for your reply! The only thing holding me back from being referred is me. Even when I feel my worst and I try to tell people they never understand & it always makes me feel like its in my head or that I'm dramatizing. So I haven't pursued feeling like I'm wasting time by talking to someone, trying to plod along. I just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this from being sleep deprived and having lack of sleep. I have a holiday coming up with my partner and our little boy and my parents. I'm hoping I may be able to get some relax time & maybe some extra help & maybe they will see things first hand rather than me just telling them if that makes sense?! x

 

[lisa1980]

I think sleep deprivation, especially for that length of time, can definitely make you depressed.

My first was a terrible sleeper...he didn't sttn until he was around 18 months and was up several times a night and nothing worked to get him back down. Like you, we tried everything we could think of and nothing worked. He eventually just grew out of it and now sleeps like a champion.

I remember being so tired and tearful that I would fantasise about having a car accident....not a serious one obviously and never with the baby in the car...but one where I'd have to stay in hospital for a night or two so I could get more than two hours' sleep in a row. That sounds so awful to say now, but at the time I was having really sombre thoughts like that every day. I always had a great bond with my son and loved him to bits, but the exhaustion badly affected my mental health. I also felt that no one (except some ladies on here!) really understood and that they thought I was exaggerating, until my mum had him for one night and saw for herself!

I'd say see how you go on holiday but if you are referred there's really no harm in going and seeing what they say. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but it might help to get an opinion

 

[Elephant13]

Thank you so much for replying. Nice to hear someone has been through it and come out the other side. I know what you mean about the thoughts some days I feel like running away because I just feel such an emotional wreck some days that I'm of no use to anyone. Had a really bad night with him last night, trying the "controlled crying" and it just didn't work in fact it took longer for me to settle than normal. Its not nice when you feel alone too. Because I am so tired I give in way to easily & some days by the end of the day my patience is gone completely. Feeling very sorry for myself & very down today! xx

 

[lisa1980]

It's really tough

In the end I bed-shared as it was the only way I could get any sleep. I never intended to but I'm a firm believer in doing whatever makes your life easiest in this situation. I'm lucky in that, although he still didn't sttn, he would settle more quickly and I could see to him without having to physically get up which I found helped me to feel a little less exhausted all the time.

It will get better....I know it doesn't seem like it now, but they get there in the end. You WILL sleep again!

 

[wanna-b-mummy]

I truly sympathise. DS was an awful sleeper until about 18 months old and I would sometimes be up 7 times in a whole hour. It was a bloody nightmare. We co-slept in the end and things got a lot better but it was still touch and go. But I know sleep deprivation and I know how ill and how depressed and sad it can make you feel. So yes, I would definitely side with sleep deprivation! And I feel for you so much.

Does he have a nap in the day? I noticed that DS would fight his naps around 15 months and if he napped it would be for a tiny slice of time but it would ruin any chance of him going down at 7 or 8. When I spoke to a HV, she suggested trying no daytime nap, which at first bothered me as he was still young, but it helped AMAZINGLY. As soon as we stopped the nap, we noticed a huge improvement. I know people offering reams of solutions isn't always a help and can be annoying!

Have you got anyone that can help you? Just give you one night a week off? Or maybe a parent that would take him over night or off for the day so you can just have a long bath and sleep all day? Definitely ask for help if you can.

Also, as he's so active, do you take him to any baby/toddler groups? That seems to be amazing at wearing them out.

Other than that, I just want to say I sympathise on every single level and send you hugs. And take it from a mum with an AWFUL AWFUL SLEEPER (I was so sleep deprived, I thought I was losing my sanity), it does suddenly turn around and get better. DS loves sleep now (if you had told me that years ago, I would have laughed) and I want another baby So it does get better

 

[Elephant13]

Ladies, thank you so much for your responses. I'm physically and emotionally drained lately. Were going abroad on Friday for a week with my parents so maybe that will give me a chance to get some breathing space. I find the littlest things bother me and get on top of me which under normal circumstances wouldn't.
He does nap during the day, usually in the morning and usually for an hour & a half. I work part time hours spread over 5 days & so he's with someone else for around 4 hours a day. Being a working mum is tough. I know I am lucky though at not having to go back full time. I had to go back to work after 12 weeks which never helped really. He gets taken to soft play groups, I take him to the park or we play outside, he has a trike which I take him out on too, hes a very tough kid to wear out. Thanks so much for your replies though I really appreciate eit & don't feel so alone. Just got to pray for a light at end of tunnel. Lots of you I've noticed seemed to get a change around the 18 month mark, he is currently 14 months so will see what changes there will be in upcoming months.
I didn't want to label myself with something that I don't feel that I have (PND) instead I do feel very sleep deprived & feel that its the root of my problems. I just hate being so miserable & sad inside, I do a good job at putting on a brave face for people because lets face it who wants to come home & see someone miserable and unhappy. & I don't want my son to pick up on it either, so I try my best to suppress how I'm feeling all the while just hoping that things will get better xxx

 

[xQuinnx]

You are not alone. My little girl is nearly 1 and she gets up every night even if it's just because she wants to play. I think sleep deprivation has a huge impact, there's a reason it's a form of torture!
I am struggling massively too but for other reasons, I have just started therapy sessions and talking to someone who doesn't know you really helps me because they don't try and minimise it and they aren't offended by what you say they are just there to help.
Hope you feel better soon x