PND Support Thread

[Angel2Fire]

Hi I've just come onto this thread because I was wondering if anyone can relate to how I'm feeling.

I feel like my OH is a much better parent than me and that him and my son would be much better off without me. I don't want my son to turn out like me, and if I bring him up then he will
Everyone keeps telling me I'm being silly, but I'm not, its the truth, its just that either no one else can see it or they wont admit its true incase they upset me.
My son is adorable, sometimes I look at him and wonder how I could possibly have feelings of hatred towards something that is so adorable and innocent He's ot done anything wrong, its my fault I'm not good enough to settle him or get him to drink his bottle properly. Sometimes I blame him and then I get soooo upset and cry for ages. Sometimes I cant bear to be around him and I get his dad or someone else to look after him.

It wasn't supposed to be like this... I wanted a baby for so longgg and now... its not that I dont want him, its just that I dont feel I can look after him properly and that he'd be better off without me. My OH says he relies on me and would be lost without me and wouldnt have a clue what to do, but he is sooooo good with Chaise, way better than I ever could be.

Sorry this has turned into an essay.

Can anyone relate to any of that or am I just weird?

 

[moomin_troll]

Hi I've just come onto this thread because I was wondering if anyone can relate to how I'm feeling.

I feel like my OH is a much better parent than me and that him and my son would be much better off without me. I don't want my son to turn out like me, and if I bring him up then he will
Everyone keeps telling me I'm being silly, but I'm not, its the truth, its just that either no one else can see it or they wont admit its true incase they upset me.
My son is adorable, sometimes I look at him and wonder how I could possibly have feelings of hatred towards something that is so adorable and innocent He's ot done anything wrong, its my fault I'm not good enough to settle him or get him to drink his bottle properly. Sometimes I blame him and then I get soooo upset and cry for ages. Sometimes I cant bear to be around him and I get his dad or someone else to look after him.

It wasn't supposed to be like this... I wanted a baby for so longgg and now... its not that I dont want him, its just that I dont feel I can look after him properly and that he'd be better off without me. My OH says he relies on me and would be lost without me and wouldnt have a clue what to do, but he is sooooo good with Chaise, way better than I ever could be.

Sorry this has turned into an essay.

Can anyone relate to any of that or am I just weird?

i can relate to some of what you are saying, i have felt several times that zane would be better off without me and i fear he will hate me when he grows up.

but as zanes got older i dont feel it as much as i used to as now he can show that he loves me and with a 2 month old its not that easy.

i used to think zane hated me and hed only be good for his dad but now when his dad picks him up and he reachs out for me instead it still makes me cry lol

ur not being silly but it will get easier and u wont feel like this forever x

 

[Shifter]

I can relate to that too. I felt like that a lot in the early weeks, I felt useless as a parent and that Jack would be better off without me. DH is a wonderful dad and it took a while for me to realise that I was a good mum. I still have the occasional moment where I feel like I shouldn't be doing this but those moments are becoming fewer and further between

 

[Neecee]

I went to the docs today. I'm taking Sertraline for the time being.

 

[Shifter]

neecee

 

[kmh2009]

i failed. i didnt ring anyone like im supposed to. i cut myself and want to do more

 

[moomin_troll]

i failed. i didnt ring anyone like im supposed to. i cut myself and want to do more

please call someone u cant keep on cutting urself, one day ule go too far.

i no u dont feel like it now but ur baby needs u so u have to get better we all do.


if u feel like u need to do it again come rant to me and get past the thought x

 

[BumbleBump]

Hi girls,

I'm not sure if I belong here or if I'm a faker Sorry if this turns into a huge selfish whine.

Some history - From the age of about 15 I had severe depression, I was on antideps for about 5 years up until DD1 was born and stopped taking them when she was about 6 months as I thought I was all better. I tried councilling a few times during this time but stopped after 1/2 sessions each time, it was too upsetting talking about things. When DD1 was born my mood lifted a ton and I really felt I was worse on the tablets than without, I couldn't feel anything while I was on them it was like living through a smoke screen.

Fast forward 5 years, and my newest LO. During the pregnancy I had some real low times, but all triggered by life events. I was proud I managed to pick myself up and not sink too low. Since Katie has been born, again I've had low points... Last week OH made a comment about the bed being manky and needing a wash before we went to sleep (as Katie lies on there sometimes and throws up) and I spent an hour locked in the bathroom crying, feeling like a failure and thinking about ways to end it.

The HV came on Weds and did the PND test on me - I thought I wasn't too bad, and didn't want a fuss made so I was a little conservative on my answers and chose happier answers on a few questions But she seemed really concerned and apparently even with the answers I did give, she suspects PND But what if it's just normal depression that never went away made worse by a new baby? Does it make a difference?

She made an appt for me to see the dr the next day because she was concerned that I had thought about ending things I was nearly in tears at the drs talking about it which I don't understand because I've been telling myself I'm fine, it's just how I am, I can't remember being different just not as bad as this for a while. I don't have any friends anymore because I'm too scared to talk to anyone, I get nervous in social situations so avoid them and I feel like everyone dislikes me, thinks I say stupid things, thinks I'm fat and ugly etc etc Just after Katie was born I felt quite good about myself for a few weeks, started going to a BF support group and was planning on other sorts of groups to go to. Then when OH went back to work after pat leave, things have gone downhill, I guess I'm just not good enough to look after 2 kids on my own He was back to work for 2 weeks, then had 3 weeks of hols left but I've felt worse and worse, avoided my BF group this week and sat in the house instead. He's back to work next week

The doc was really good, talked to me and listened to my fears about going on meds while BF but that I also thought I couldn't get better without them (this was so hard to admit, but towards the end of my pregnancy I had 12 sessions of councilling and though they helped somewhat, I didn't feel all that different - so I know just talking isn't going to help). He did some research for me after I left and left me a perscription to pick up for Sertraline which he says is the most recommended. I started taking them last night but I feel awful for possibly posioning my baby because I'm unable to cope with everything I feel selfish for not just stopping BF if I need to take pills. She seems fine so far but I'm scared she's going to suddenly stop breathing because of them

I'm just scared that I'm going to take these meds and not feel any better, I'm going to get help from the perinatal health team (more councilling or CBT) and still be a terrible mum, socially backwards, have no friends no confidence etc. If it works out like that I'm not sure how much more I can take. I'm already dreading going back to work, and secretly I was only planning on sticking around until it was time to go back by which point I had planned to end it already iykwim Since Katie was born I'm not sure if I even like my older girl anymore (god it feels horrible admitting that), I love her to bits but she's grinding on me at the same time. I love Katie to bits as well but can't cope when she cries for a long period of time, yesterday I was actually thinking if she didn't stop soon I could throw her out the window (I never ever would, I couldn't, but I'm trying to be honest here), I even said it to her What am I going to be like when OH goes back to work? I feel like I'm totally incapable, like I shouldn't be allowed to be a mum and my girls would be better with someone else who can look after them properly.

Going to stop now I could go on for hours apparently I'm sorry... I'm worried I'm a faker and actually all these things are just true, I'm just a backwards person who isn't worth staying around and that no ammount of meds/treatment is going to help so I should give up now.

 

[moomin_troll]

bumble bumb dont feel like a faker being here.

as everyone says the first step is to admit u have a "problem" and then with help from ur hv i hope u start to feel better soon.

i think its very hard to tell the difference between "normal" depression and pnd.

u cant give up ur babies need you and u will get better, meds arent for everyone u might feel better by just counciling or even a alternitive method

 

[jenny_wren]

well ladies ive given up trying on my own
i rung the hv and had a nice cry
and ive got to have a proper chat in an hour
i've been putting it off for months
thinking i can get through it alone
so hopefully she'll help me

x​

 

[moomin_troll]

well ladies ive given up trying on my own
i rung the hv and had a nice cry
and ive got to have a proper chat in an hour
i've been putting it off for months
thinking i can get through it alone
so hopefully she'll help me

x​

good on u for finaly calling ur hv and im sure ule start feeling better soon x

 

[kmh2009]

well done for ringing jenny_wren

ive been to docs today and had antipressant dosage increased. i feel as though m gettin worse this week.

 

[moomin_troll]

well done for ringing jenny_wren

ive been to docs today and had antipressant dosage increased. i feel as though m gettin worse this week.

gota get worse before u get better.

hope u find a better doctor soon x

 

[jenny_wren]

thankyou girls
ive got a docs app at 5.40
to get some meds and what not
i'm just fed up of pretending and
trying to beat it

xx​

 

[carolyn_s]

Hi everyone - havent been on here for a while.
I was put on meds and started feeling so much better but ive started going downhill again and the bad days are getting slowly closer together again. I find myself crying for no reason and getting angry and frustrated if my lo cries for more than a couple of mins.

I have the dr's 2moro but im already taking 20mg citalopram a day so im not sure what else they can do feel like im a lost cause.

Ive got a new bf and he is amazing - he knows about my PND but i dont think he fully understands it even though he wants to. I would give anything to be normal

needed that little rant - always helps

hope everyone is ok xx

 

[ALY]

carolyn how long have you been on your meds x

 

[Angel2Fire]

Hi everyone - havent been on here for a while.
I was put on meds and started feeling so much better but ive started going downhill again and the bad days are getting slowly closer together again. I find myself crying for no reason and getting angry and frustrated if my lo cries for more than a couple of mins.

I have the dr's 2moro but im already taking 20mg citalopram a day so im not sure what else they can do feel like im a lost cause.

Ive got a new bf and he is amazing - he knows about my PND but i dont think he fully understands it even though he wants to. I would give anything to be normal

needed that little rant - always helps

hope everyone is ok xx

Just wanted to say, I'm on 60mg of citalopram, so it can be increased and hopefully it might help you.

Good luck hun x

 

[jenny_wren]

has anyone had any really bad side affects
using citalopram i started taking them yesterday
and reading the leaflet thing all the possibilities
are really scarey x​

 

[ALY]

I used them hun and the only side affects i had was when i took the first couple x they included feeling dizzy,sick and sleepy xx

 

[jenny_wren]

thankyou x

i literally couldn't sleep last night
i was soooo tried and my body just
wouldn't shut down so im hoping its not
a side affect and if it is it wont last long
i need some sleep!



x​