PND Support Thread

[bumpsmum]

me too - dont know why but I cant bring myself to open letters lately bills n stuff that needs sorting n cant be arsed! But on the other hand Im on internet on open uni web site and various colleges etc looking for a change in career !!!!! Im all over the place basically. Have GP tomo, HV asked permission to fill her in on the tweezing etc beforehand as I have a bad habit of hiding things and saying im fine when im not! So hopefully no escape, think im going to be a nervous wreck tomo x

 

[asacia]

What time is your appointment today bumpsmum? I'll be thinking of you.

I should be seeing GP today, as I'm running low on medication, but don't feel up to it. I'm just fed up of things not working, these tablets don't help yet. They make me tired, I'm supposed to increae the dose soon but it makes me to tired.

 

[Abblebubba]

feeling pretty low myself to be honest girlies, hows everyone doing tonight? here for you whenever you need me
​

 

[asacia]

Sorry you are feeling low Abblebubba, has anything specific brought it on, or just a general bleugh feeling?

Bumpsmum, hope today went okay.

 

[bumpsmum]

hi girls,

Has everyone's day been as crap as mine? lets put it down to autumn blues eh

Abblebubba hope things start to pick up real soon anything we can help with?

Asacia, thanks sorry not been on all day only just catching up saw DR at 4.30 and 'fessed up for once! Was brutaly honest with her and was shaking so much I could hardly re-do the PND checklist (she didnt tell me my score but I knew it was WAY higher than 4 weeks ago) told her about irrational thoughts, severe anxiety old recurring issues from past (our mum left when I was 3 dont actually remember her and she keeps trying to contact me, I dont see point in a relationship with a woman I dont know or want to) bullied at school that for some reason really playing on me since Matthew was born?

Told her about tweezing and picking etc she asked if I pulled my hair out? Is this all linked as I dont - been trying distraction techniques to not tease and have noticed that if Im not doing that im scratching my legs til they are red raw and all marked but I seem to like the sensation of them getting very hot! all over the place I guess? x

 

[bumpsmum]

forgot to add she's referred me to psychiatry team for inital referral but thinks clinical psycholgy may take over with CBT or at least counselling she mentioned tricolillamania(sp?) and compulsiveness so well see, she also said sweating most likely side effect from meds but need to weigh up the benefits so to stay on higher dose and used driclor she gav me a steriod cream to put on top of it to stop the itching!

Was full of good intentions of talking to OH tonight about everything as he has no clue whats really going on but just cant bring myself too, I know i NEED to but cant bring myself to do it, think a letter is too cheesy? xx

 

[AP]

I am reading this and actually crying because i feel the same. ive never been on this thread before.

 

[jenny_wren]

bloody teething is doing my head in
i feel like shit again after weeks of feeling better
i just wanna cry and throw emily out the window


i know she cant help it but i just
feel like its all go back downhill to where i started
i feel like i did before the meds and i hate it soooo much!!

bah moan over

xx​

 

[bumpsmum]

how is everyone getting on?

Well my anxiety is at an all time high! I have been trembling since Sat I would say not sure why to be honest, been making cards to keep myself distracted and busy but im so shaky everything is a mess - had to write a note this morn and could hardly keep the pen still. Matthew is ill and have to take him to DR so Im climbing the walls as the health centre freaks me out! Why oh why do I torture myelf I always think (bordering on obsessive fantasy Id say) the worst is wrong like pneumonia/swine flu/RSV when I know its a simple cold! ARRGGGGHHHHH! Why cant I stop imagining the worse never slept at all last night for running scenarios through my head.

This might come out wrong but someone please tell me they sometimes do this too,and that its just the PND taking over I feel as if im going to have a breakdown! x

AHH rant over - sorry girls

 

[jenny_wren]

i do it ALL the time
i scare myself because ill lay in bed
and plan emily's funeral, what songs to play
what to put on her grave its horrible
im almost preparing for the worst

i think its a pnd thing

(didn't mean to offend any angel mummies
if i did )

xx​

 

[carolyn_s]

Hey gils, since I had my meds incresed ive been feeling loads better. I know its just a temporary measure but it has made things so much clearer to me! The councelling just isnt for me. No im not shouting at my OH for every tiny him i can confide much easier in him... Ive loved having a few days of normality and being able to enjoy myself. I really hope it continues...anyone who has read my previous posts will knowi have been extremely low at times so hopefully i am loving proof that things get better. Fingers crossed that it lasts longer this time!!

Chins up girls!!
p.s. I found a new hairstyle worked wonders
Hugs to all that need it xxxxx

 

[carolyn_s]

I posted that 2 days ago and i already completely take it back. Just had an argument with OH half about wrapping christmas presents...feel like shit.
just want to escape.
how is everyone else?? xx

 

[bumpsmum]

oh hun minor set back happens, sorry I was not around last night hope your feeling better today xx

 

[AP]

i am going to take a step in here because i know what im feeling isnt right and i need some help.

I am not coping. As soon as Alex takes a major tanturm(no doubt its something simple) i fall to pieces. I am currently hiding in the bedroom away from her(OH has her just now in the living room)

i love her more than life itself but i feel like, this shouldn't be right. i'm her mother.

I lay down earlier and tried to figure out why i felt so bad. Im sur the first 3 months of me and Alex being split apart didn't help matters. I'm sure OH's destruction of our relationship hasn't helped either. And he just gets on with parenthood like a dream-I'm so jealous. He is so patient and I cant be like that.

I cant go out much really. I spend hours at a time with no adult conversation at all.

alex was soooo wanted. We'd been trying for a year and I had two miscarriages in that time.

But life isnt how i expected it to be now. I thought we'd be a happy family. But I'm left with a relationship where I total resent this man for all he's done-we're just a couple now,I broke off the engagement. I push everyone away and refuse to go out and meet friends as its too stressful regarding feeds etc. I often find myself saying that I wish Alex wasnt here-i dont mean that- but for one moment I dream of being to run away with no ties and start again.

 

[asacia]

I can really identify with that sb22, I wish I could run away sometimes. I struggle when LO cries, I just can't deal with it.

Have you spoken to anyone?

 

[jenny_wren]

aw hun i know exactly how you feel
sometimes its a huge struggle x

you should really go and see a doctor
and maybe just have a chat with them

​

 

[asacia]

Everyone keeps saying "the most important thing for baby is a happy Mum" and every time I hear it, I feel like crying

 

[jenny_wren]

i know how you feel

jasons family are like 'you can tell
she's well loved and looked after' blah blah blah

makes me sad because they dont really
know what's going on i just put a smile on
and say everything great and they go on
and on about how clever and lovely she is and im
still not 'in love' with her yet so i dont understand
what they're on about but im not ready to tell
the world i need tablets to look after my child
my mum knows and my oh knows and the bnb girlies
know but even that seems like too many people

got a doctors appointment next friday
so i might have a little chat because i still dont
feel happy happy i feel better but im not quite
there yet

xx​

 

[asacia]

Nextdoor have got fireworks going off and every one is making me jump. Anxiety is really bad. I am not looking forward to the next few days

 

[AP]

Thanks girls. I would speak to a doctor but I'm worried it'll mean the health visitor will be hounding me. Last time I was down, a few years ago, I went to the doctor. I was crying and begging him to help me, and he just told me to come back in two weeks.

I was honestly lucky to manage it , but now I don't have much faith!

I dunno what to say either