Possibly serious condition - do I tell him?

[whoops]

Brought LO to the hospital for a check up yesterday and while they're delighted with her development, they're very concerned about her head circumference. It's far too small in proportion to her body and in about 80-90% of babies, there'd be serious consequences along the lines of learning difficulties etc. Now so far, my LO's development is right on track - she's meeting all her milestones on or before the time that she should and if this continues, she'll be one of the lucky ones. But they are doing further tests - she had an Xray yesterday which I'll get the results of later this week and she's been referred to a team of consultants.

So, here's my dilemma - do I get in touch with FOB and tell him?

He pays maintenance but has never met her. The last time we spoke (about 6 weeks ago, for the first time in nearly a year) he said he couldn't be involved in her life.

There is a possible genetic element to this condition so if it's a case that he needs to be tested, I will insist he does. However, that's only a possibility and for the most part, there's nothing he can do. It's just a wait'n'see.

So what do I do? What would you do?

 

[laurajo24]

oh hun. You must be so worried about LO.

If it were me, I wouldn't tell him until I had all the results back from tests etc and knew what we were dealing with. If he hasn't bothered seeing her up to this point, I don't see why he needs to know at the moment. Obviously if it is something serious then he needs to know eventually but he has no right at the moment.

Do you tell him when she does something new? Does he ask? I doubt he does so why should he have a right to know about this.

So sorry that you're going through this hun. Hope you've got family and friends to support you. Hope the tests turn out ok

 

[AbbynChloe]

Thats a tough one. I think if I were in your shoes i'd let him know. Just a short straight to the point email/text saying just what you said, and leave it with him.

Hope you get some answers soon.

 

[whoops]

Thank you - I scared myself stupid on Google yesterday but have spent today trying to reassure myself that her development points to everything being fine.

I think I'll take both your advice - maybe after the xray results, I'll send him a quick email just to let him know what's going on.

 

[littlekitten8]

I would wait until you know whats going on. If he has chosen to not be involved then thats his lookout. I look after disabled children, and the fact that Lily is hitting all her milestones means the outlook is promising. Please please don't look on google! It's evil for scaring the crap out of people. If the results come back and it is something serious then I would say give him a call and let him know. And yes, insist on him being tested if it is genetic, cos one day he may have more kids and pass it on to them. Fingers crossed for you hunni

 

[whoops]

I would wait until you know whats going on. If he has chosen to not be involved then thats his lookout. I look after disabled children, and the fact that Lily is hitting all her milestones means the outlook is promising. Please please don't look on google! It's evil for scaring the crap out of people. If the results come back and it is something serious then I would say give him a call and let him know. And yes, insist on him being tested if it is genetic, cos one day he may have more kids and pass it on to them. Fingers crossed for you hunni

Thank you - that's really reassuring!

That was my thinking on the genetic side as well, besides the fact that it might clear up what exactly has happened to Lily.

 

[AbbynChloe]

Hiya Whoops,

How is LO doing??

been thinking about you today xxxxxxxxxx

 

[whoops]

Aw, thanks, Abby!

No word from the hospital yet about her xray results so I'm going to ring them on Monday to see what the story is.

I'll let you guys know when I hear something.

 

[whoops]

So, I finally got the xray results - they're not 100% clear, possibly because she moved a little during it. There may be a problem with one of the joins in her skullcap but they need to do further tests to be sure. No conclusive answer though.

They're also referring her to a neurologist and are booking her in for an MRI.

I haven't contacted FOB yet - not sure what to do really.

It's so hard because there may be nothing actually wrong with her - it could just be a cosmetic thing, but they have to be cautious and do every test under the sun anyway. So, while I'm trying not to worry, the more tests she has, the more I do actually worry.

And I'm dreading the MRI because afaik, she'll have to be sedated during it.

 

[Desi's_lost]

That must be so frustrating, to have to keep waiting past when you think you'll have the answers. I really hope, like you said its just a cosmetic think and that all will be well with your LO!

 

[littlekitten8]

Thinking of you hun xx

 

[mskellydenise]

If he told you that he cant be involved in her life then I wouldnt tell him unless it became necessary