Hello everyone!
Baby is here and all is well! We are both extremely healthy!
I'm so sorry that I haven't updated, I have not forgotten. There has been so much going on, but after a week, I feel that things are finally settling down and I can pick up my laptop for a second. Let me share my story with you.
I went into labor last Wednesday when my waters spontaneously ruptured at 5:35am while I was sleeping. Needless to say my mattress suffered.
My husband and I prepared the birthing pool and kind of spent the day hanging out while I was in inactive labor. By that evening at around 5pm, active labor started and my contractions started to build over time. We continuously monitored the baby's heartbeat to make sure she was doing well and wasn't stressed. Her heartbeat was consistently excellent all the way through. I reached a more intense point of my contractions around 9pm and I labored very hard. By 10am my contractions started to stall and become spaced out. They were excruciating, and some would last 10 minutes and another would start without break. I tried some of my essential oils that are supposed to help speed up labor and some positions to help get that urge to push since it had not come. Throughout labor I tried all sorts of positions and things I've learned and purchased for pain relief but there was none. The pain was debilitating and would not get to a point where things seemed like they were transitioning into pushing. I felt like I couldn't do it anymore for many hours already and I kept pressing on hoping that the urge to push would come, but it didn't. I tried pushing a bit anyway and it didn't help. I didn't feel the baby descend and it had already gotten to the point where it was 30 hours since my waters had broken. I had been in hard, active labor for over 22 hours. I was shaking and screaming through the contractions and I felt like they were breaking my body. I felt like things were not progressing and I needed help, so I told my husband we may want to consider getting our hospital bag and heading out.
This was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I had been working through the contractions and lack of progress in hopes that we can have our baby safely at home, knowing full well the implications of going to the hospital in the U.S. and that I would have to have a csection if we did go. I have never had surgery before and I didn't want to put my baby through that, however I wanted her to be safe and for us to be okay. I also could not go on anymore, I felt like I couldn't take another contraction at all and every single one that came on was like hell. Sobbing, we drove to the hospital and we were trying to stay positive, that we would be taken care of and get the help we needed and that we would finally get to meet baby soon.
It seems that for whatever reason my baby had not descended into my pelvis and so I never got the urge to push. That seemed to be the issue that caused the labor to stall and become irregular. The baby was never in any distress even once from the time I started labor to the time we got to the hospital and they checked her heart rate.
The surgeon who performed my csection agreed to a lot of the things we wanted: skin to skin right away, delaying clamping the cord, etc. The surgery itself was smooth and went great, however the nurses who were attending at the time had unfortunately traumatized and terrorized my familiy for life. They disregarded all of our wishes: they clamped the cord right away, they brought my husband in late and almost started without him there, they stuck a tube down my baby's throat to suck stuff out even though it was unnecessary, and they didn't show me or give me my baby for over 5 minutes even though I cried and begged them. They also ignored my husband's requests and pleas and snapped at him. The surgeon eventually stepped in and asked them to let me have my baby, however they swaddled her and took her away immediately to another room (they gave her to my husband to meet me in recovery). I cried and cried and was completely heartbroken. After a difficult labor at home, this was completely debilitating and awful and we were completely broken up yet too tired to fight anymore at that time.
However, my beautiful daughter was born!!!!! She was born on the 23rd at 3:13pm, weighing 7.5lbs and measuring 20.5in.
She got all 8's and 9's as her APGAR scores and she wanted to breastfeed immediately when they gave her to me. She latched to my breast perfectly from the first moment we tried and she's been a champ eater and sleeper since then. She amazed all the nurses (and later my midwives at postpartum visits) with the fact that she regained her birth weight back within 3 days, that she had milk poops within 3 days, that she healed her little bit of jaundice on her own in 2 days, and that she was gaining weight at 6x the rate babies normally do. My midwives and my craniosacral therapist said that her central nervous system was unlike what they've seen in babies born at the hospital this way and even for babies that are home birthed, and that my hard labor for over 22 hours before having the csection gave her that advantage. Even the mandatory home visit from the hospital nurse sent her packing because she was wide eyed at her state of health and status. She's been eating well and often and sleeping in good stretches of 3-4 hours and other than the day of the horrible cluster feeds, we've been getting good sleep and have been doing pretty well adjusting. I'm starting to feel better and walk around more, which feels nice.
She's been a healthy, happy baby girl and we couldn't be happier! We are so blessed and in love, and in complete bliss with her. Here she is!
Liv Espen
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I plan on eventually (once I mentally and physically recover a little) to write the nurses a letter explaining how their actions affected us. Hopefully it will have some effect on them and they will learn to be human instead of just following protocol.
We are so happy to be home and to have our incredible little girl here with us. We were actually just sitting here drinking tea and crying about how happy and in love with her we are.
I'll check in again pretty soon but thank you all for the moral support, even if it was silent. This has definitely been one of the more difficult experiences of my life but I wouldn't do anything differently. I believe we made all the right decisions and did our best to give our little one the best of beginnings, and as life goes, things don't always go the way you plan. We are happy to have had help when we needed it, and are just so happy to move forward with our lives with this little girl and love her to pieces, and to continue to nurture and do all our best for her.
A