Preemie Moms - distinctions

[AP]

Just had a nosey at the new redesigned forum, I still cant get used to the messageboard, i find it so user unfriendly, either design :/ Thats why I barely log in.

 

[25weeker]

Just had a nosey at the new redesigned forum, I still cant get used to the messageboard, i find it so user unfriendly, either design :/ Thats why I barely log in.

I know it's not very good which is a shame. They also took away the PM function which is just stupid!

 

[Cazzyg]

Just because you haven't been through the exact same experience as another doesn't mean you can't empathise or offer support. Categorising in such a way is a shame as it also potentially reduces the amount of suuport and help available across the board, regardless of whether your baby was born at 24 weeks or 36 weeks or full term with other complications.

Having a baby in intensive care is pretty awful regardless of their size or gestation. The one thing all parents of babies in neonatal units everywhere have in common is that the birth of their child didn't go to plan.

I found there's a bit of a no mans land in the middle. Not quite a preemie not quite full term so you don't really fit anywhere and people don't quite know how to deal with your baby. I include health care professionals in that comment. Some don't make allowances then get you worried because they are 'small' or 'underweight' or a bit slow to develop.

But on the other hand your baby is so big compared to all the other wee ones in the NNICU so you feel like a fraud being there.

So to me categories don't help, everyone's experience is valid and all new Parent's need help and support regardless of when their baby was born.

 

[jules1977]

Hi,
I have a late premmie born at 36 weeks via emcs who was in nicu for a week with many problems. So many people forget she was prem and don't realise what we went through in nicu.
I had already been in hospital for 2 weeks before she was born, we had steroid injections at 34 weeks, she was breech with the cord in front of her, so risk of prolapse and I had placenta preavia.
Now I had a stillborn son at 41 weeks who died during labour so due to this and the above my section had been moved to 37 weeks so because lo only came unexpectedly a week earlier, my family find it hard to see her as a premmie, originally a planned section was booked at 38 weeks so safely in full term territory.
It was a very traumatic experience especially after my first labour and it's still hard to deal with now and she is nearly 8 months !

Soz for rambling, got carried away !

 

[Foogirl]

Hey CazzyG! I've been meaning to pop round for a catch up.

 

[BleedingBlack]

I've seen it on other forums. I'd be one of those outcasts... my 7 year old was born at 35 weeks and my 4 month old was born at 33 weeks. My 33 weeker had a NICU stay and a freeway with a 40 minute drive each way, divided us. We have dealt with and still are dealing with medical problems with her.

I know some preemies have it worse then others, but I dont divide it up. I'm a Preemie Mom just like anyone else in the preemie forums.

 

[toothfairyx]

Oh it is such a shame to read about some of the experiences on here. It is like competitive parenting in a really sick way! My preemie was smaller, or mine was sicker or mine was blah blah blah. We have all been through something extremely traumatic and terrifying regardless so it is so sad when people can't be supportive to each other.
Avoid any horrible forums and stick on here I say!

 

[AP]

Yea me n Buttonnose will happily keep the bad stuff away

 

[Dona]

I'm happy to help anyone that needs support - doesn't matter what gestation your little one was born at. Saddens me that people want to make a hierarchy of how much support they think you should need depending on gestation.

Lottie - was that at my support group you were told that? As I had a mum with a 23 weeker come to it. If so, I'll make sure I speak to that person about it. You should never feel like you did.

 

[lozzy21]

Iv noticed that but I dident fit it anywhere. I had a 35 weeker who was massive so once she left hospital she was treated like a term baby but felt I couldent voice my concerns about her because what we went through was nothing compared to other premie mums.

I had a traumatic delivery, got lulled into by a false sence of security because she was on the ward with me, at two days old she got really bad jaundice and ended up in special care. There was no room in the "normal" room so she ended up shoved in a cot in the middle of the intensive care room surrounded by four 24-27 week baby's. I hated the fact her feeding times clashed with visiting and felt guilty that the other parents had to sit and watch me feed her while all they could do was hold their baby's hand.

The whole experience was not nice but I feel I have no right to complain.

 

[Foogirl]

You have every right Lozzy. As I said before, I think a situation where you think everything is fine and you're looking forward to going home then BAM you're in neonatal is a huge shock to the system and in some cases more so than those situations where you're even a little prepared for the possibility.

I'm against anyone who thinks a persons problems are not valid because there are others worse off than yourselves. It's like saying to the parent of a micro preemie "There are women in the third world who have no access to Neonatal and their babies don't make it". No-one would dream of making such a comparison so why make the same comparison over 25 weeks v 35?

 

[dizz]

I'm happy to help anyone that needs support - doesn't matter what gestation your little one was born at. Saddens me that people want to make a hierarchy of how much support they think you should need depending on gestation.

Lottie - was that at my support group you were told that? As I had a mum with a 23 weeker come to it. If so, I'll make sure I speak to that person about it. You should never feel like you did.

Yeah - see the thing with us is - I didn't quite need the support in terms of her gestation... it was the associated treatment by the hospital that I struggle with to this day - I actually DO feel like their behaviour ruined my life to be honest. In my case though - I'm in a stuck situation - because the neo-natals called social services as I was trying to stop them causing long-term SPD damage during the delivery and they resented that - I don't dare go to the medical professionals and say, "look I'm not coping" - because I don't dare do anything that might re-trigger SS involvement... they got what they wanted in a meekly consenting to everything woman - I HAD to become an unquestioning zombie to get through the hospital stay because they'd intentionally removed my power to query decisions and give informed consent to things.

She might have been a whopping 33 weeker - but I still have nightmares every night, fear them coming back to take her away again and quite often think about topping myself before they do so.

I don't quite fit in anywhere - I don't fit in with the birth trauma community who have much greater physical damage than me, I don't fit in with the "standard" preemie mums who have nothing but gratitude for their NICUs... I've found a couple of other women who've had the same hospital do similar things to them - but no one really dares mention it... so I'm just lost and floundering through things.

 

[Kage76]

its weird- but as sophie was born exactly at 36 weeks- i still struggle with the "right" to call her a preemie- she had issues when she was first born requiring time in the special care- but when i see how rough other mums with tiny preemies have had it - i feel like I have nothing at all to complain about and that calling her premature is fraudulent. I too feel like i don't fit in or even have the right to have issues. Maybe its just all in my head

 

[Lottie86]

Lottie - was that at my support group you were told that? As I had a mum with a 23 weeker come to it. If so, I'll make sure I speak to that person about it. You should never feel like you did.

Yes it was that person

 

[Dinah93]

Do you mind me asking Lozzy, was your LO at James Cook or North Tees? They're both so packed all the time, I can't believe they're talking about closing one of them. My baby girl is a North Tees graduate and I have to say they've been amazing with her - there is one consultant there who I'd follow to any hospital in the country for the brilliant things he's done with DD.