Pregnancy jealousy/bitterness etc HELP

[LouOscar01]

One of the hardest emotions that I am having to deal with at the moment is the most intense, all consuming pregnancy jealousy/anger/bitterness/unjustness/hatred of my partner's younger sister.

It's taking me over and consuming my every minute. I really don't know how to deal with it.

I just feel like it's so unfair!!

I did everything right I waited 2 years for my partner to be ready, I waited till I'd finished my degree and got a teaching job, I waited till I had a house and a comfortable income, I ate well, maintained a healthy wait etc etc.

She's been with her partner for a year, she still lives at home with her parents, she's in the middle of her degree, she has no savings, no job, no way of supporting her baby.

And she got pregnant on purpose without discussing it with her partner! She used to be anorexic and since she's recovered she has missed the constant attention that she had then. She tells everyone 'I was taking my pill but my periods are so irregular I didn't notice'. The pill regulates your period, that's what it does! You can't have irregular periods and be on the pill! She always does exactly what she wants, when she wants, regardless of the consequences on other people. She wanted a baby so she made it happen. She was on a huge number of horrible drugs for mental health issues, has the most atrocious sugar filled diet. I'm really struggling to deal with everyone's joy for her and her happiness. I'm so so bitter. She didn't tell anyone until she was 17 weeks pregnant.

I did everything right, we've been trying for 14 months on fertility meds and I lose MY baby.

I just don't know how to deal with these emotions. I know that they are awful and nasty and that's not how I want to be but they are just so intense that I just can't help it. I can't rid myself of these jealous angry thoughts.

I don't know how I'm going to interact with my partner's family with her baby around. I was due 2 months after her so it's going to be a constant pain.

I've given myself the deadline of her due date to get pregnant so that I can deal with the new baby. So that gives me till February.

I don't know how to get past this emotion. Please help. And please don't judge me too much. I know these feelings are wrong and I know they are unacceptable. I don't need people to tell me that but I do need people to give me advice on how to get past this...or to tell me that they have felt similar emotions.

I can feel that I'm losing ME to these awful emotions.

I've felt jealousy towards all pregnant women and mothers of young children throughout WTT and TTC and fertility woes but I could always deal with that by just going home and not having it in my face. Even though I've avoided my SIL since my miscarriage I can't shut it out. My brain is not cooperating.

I can't believe how much I've written...think I needed to vent.

 

[busytulip]

No judgement here. I am so sorry, it is very unfair. Unfortunately I am not sure I have any sound advice, you obviously cannot avoid her as you would others-and talking to her about how you are hurting doesn't sound like it would do much good based on the selfishness you've described her displaying.

I have found though, that I feel better when I am doing a kindness for others. Here in the states there are a lot of programs where you can adopt children or whole families to give a Christmas gift or dinner to. Perhaps giving back to your community would help offset the way you're feeling regarding your OH's sister?

Huge hugs from me

 

[LoraLoo]

I don't have advice as such, I just wanted you to know you're feelings are normal, and understandable. You're ebtitled to have those feelings. I feel pretty much the same. I think you just need to look after yourself and protect your heart, I'm not sure how that would be for you. Ive had to hide certain people from facebook etc because I can't deal with status updates about their pregnancies. Lots of love hun, it's rubbish isn't it? 😞 xx

 

[Bekah78]

It took 10 years of trying and 4 IVF treatments for me to finally conceive the baby I'm currently carrying. I too did everything I could to give us the best chance... I felt such jealousy, especially towards my twin sis who had no problems conceiving with her two. Also we had a neighbour move in, they'd only been dating a few months. It was the same month we had our third IVF attempt. We learnt soon after they'd fallen pregnant. And were due when we would have been had our treatment worked. I felt this was so unfair.
I did get over it but had to keep trying to tell myself that there aren't a set number of pregnancies each year and they haven't taken away my chance... Nor was it their fault I was struggling with fertility issues.
I'm sorry you've suffered a miscarriage and no doubt grieving for your loss too which I can only imagine makes your emotions run high. I really do hope you get your BFP soon and have a healthy pregnancy.
Big hugs

 

[LouOscar01]

Bekah, I think that's an important point to remember...there aren't a set number of pregnancies to go round. Just because she's having a baby doesn't mean I won't!

I've come off facebook to protect myself from being hurt by announcements and updates of various people.

I just need to get greater control of my mind...but how do I do that? This whole thing is just so horrible. I just want a baby. I'd be the most devoted mother. Why can't I have one?

 

[LoraLoo]

I think keeping busy helps. Maybe find a project to do at home or something to keep your mind occupied. I just keep telling myself every passing day is a day closer to having a baby x

 

[Bekah78]

Facebook can be such a nightmare. People forget theirs others out there struggling. Used to drive me nuts seeing constant updates about pregnancies. Just felt I was having my nose rubbed in it.

I agree that filling your time helps. I trained for a half marathon... Running cleared my mind and got me fit too. I did it for a charity close to my heart so I was motivated to get out and train as people were sponsoring me. Maybe don't commit to something as physically challenging as good chance you could fall pregnant soon but perhaps you could get involved in something else that involves using spare time for planning etc. X

 

[LouOscar01]

I do need to find something. I'm paranoid about taking up a sport in case it upsets anything so I'm just doing speed walking which is helping to clear my head...I think a punchbag would help too!!

 

[ReadynWaiting]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have had 4 losses this year and am surrounded by pregnant friends and family. Granted I have 2 children already but it doesn't mean I don't desperately want my 3rd baby. I am someone that needs a plan so I have decided to eat clean (reduce Inflammation in my body), hired a trainer to get my body in prime shape (I'm 37), have a joined a 3 month research group for holistic healing to balance my body and mind (reflexology and reiki) and am taking prenatal yoga (yes with all pg women-very hard to be around). My 1st yoga session was last night and there I am with 8 very pg ladies and they are all talking about. During our breathing meditation I had a good cry and released my anger and upset. Honestly today I feel much better and less sad.
I hope your time comes soon.

 

[Sweety21]

Totally normal feeling. I had samthibgse happen to me when my sil announced her pregnancy and just after few months of marriage. We didn't have any problems conceiving but, it waahubby who was not ready. When she announced I was so angry I was about to ruin my marriage. I still feel jealous sometimes but, keeping myself busy with my dd and running online business helps keep my mind away from those feelings.

 

[tinyfootsteps]

I completely understand your feelings and I know they can actually end up making you feel worse. I'm afraid I don't have any answers either. I'm currently going through my second miscarriage and it's devastating.

I've also removed myself from Facebook (I had THREE pregnancy announcements in the space of a few hours on my timeline yesterday) and various other social media platforms. I'm going to take as long as I need away from them and focus on my family (I have a little girl who was my rainbow baby after my fist MC).

Today I've decided that I just don't want to waste anymore time being sad. I'm trying to concentrate on other things, planning an awesome Christmas etc. It's not easy, I had my scan dates come through this weekend and it was like a punch in the gut.

Anyway, here if you need to talk. xx

 

[InTheVerse]

LouOscar01 I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt/feel the same as you with a friend's baby. Her due date was the same as mine and it just really really hurt.

If you need to shut yourself off then it's best to do it, to go with how you feel and not force anything. If anyone moans at you and tries to go mad at you for doing what's best for you then they don't deserve a moment of your thoughts.