Pregnant after 3 losses, and terrified!

[TTCabundle]

Well I'm newly pregnant after 3 losses and it's safe to say I'm terrified! It's all I've wanted since I started TTC but now I'm not so sure, the thought of going through it again makes me sick to the back teeth. Only a few people know, my best friend, OH and work (I had to tell them for safety reasons). But untelling them, for the fourth time, would break me allover again.
It doesn't help that I hardly have any symptoms and that the line on the pregnancy test isn't getting any darker, I know I'm still early but I can't help but worry.
As sick as it sounds, I keep running through my head how I'm going to tell everyone that I've miscarried again, and its not even happened!!! What is wrong with me!
Everyone keeps telling me how I need to get an early scan for re-assurance, but it doesn't work like that, I've asked and the NHS doesn't just hand out scans this early, and tbh I'm not even sure It would reassure me, I'd still be pertrified of the 12 week scan.
I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense, I've been at the other side of this, telling people to calm down and not worry, but I can't take my own advice! If I had a pound for every worry I swear I'd be filthy rich!
x

 

[Kasey84]

Congrats ttcabundle! I think I remember you from other forums. Sorry for your previous losses. I can't imagine having to go through that loss so many times. You must be very strong! That same strength will get you through the worries of PAL

I won't tell you not to worry because I think that's impossible. I'm 12 weeks now and worry everyday, despite an early scan and hearing the baby's hb with a Doppler. I cant help but think the worst will happen, which I hate.

My only advice is take things one day at a time. Some days I can find myself imagining a future with this baby and I hold on to those thoughts and cherish them for as long as I can. When the worries and fears creep in, I just ride it out and accept that it comes along with PAL. I've found it very helpful to talk with family or the wonderful ladies in here about my fears. I hope you find the same comfort here as well.

I know you said they won't do an early scan. Can they at least check your hcg?

Wishing you all the best and sending positive thoughts and big hugs

 

[TTCabundle]

Congrats ttcabundle! I think I remember you from other forums. Sorry for your previous losses. I can't imagine having to go through that loss so many times. You must be very strong! That same strength will get you through the worries of PAL

I won't tell you not to worry because I think that's impossible. I'm 12 weeks now and worry everyday, despite an early scan and hearing the baby's hb with a Doppler. I cant help but think the worst will happen, which I hate.

My only advice is take things one day at a time. Some days I can find myself imagining a future with this baby and I hold on to those thoughts and cherish them for as long as I can. When the worries and fears creep in, I just ride it out and accept that it comes along with PAL. I've found it very helpful to talk with family or the wonderful ladies in here about my fears. I hope you find the same comfort here as well.

I know you said they won't do an early scan. Can they at least check your hcg?

Wishing you all the best and sending positive thoughts and big hugs

Thankyou and sorry for your loss and congrats with this pregnancy!
I have to go under consultant lead care so I'm waiting for my appt for that to work out my next step! Some days I think id ratherjust stay like this and not find out, id rather not know iykwim? I don't know why though! I guess its easier than facing reality! x

 

[Kasey84]

Glad to hear your under consultant care. Hope they keep a close eye on you!

I think I know just what you mean. My dr has been great about closely monitoring me so far. Lots of bloodwork, scans, etc. In some ways it what I wanted, but at the same time I dread every apt and test. The day of my scan I was sick with worry and remember saying to oh "I just don't wanna go"!

Take care and keep us posted. Fingers crossed for you for Tuesday. x

 

[TTCabundle]

Thank you Casey

I'm feeling slightly more relaxed today, but I can't stop testing still! Something about seeing the lines is sooo reassuring! I'm also feeling exhausted and sick, so I'm taking that as a good sign!

And yeah, that's exactly how I feel about the appts, just an overwhelming sense of dread that makes me want to run in the opposite direction!

Hope you and baby are doing well! x

 

[Kasey84]

Glad to hear your feeling more relaxed If testing helps, then I say go for it! Have you gotten an apt with your consultant yet?

All is still well with me and the baby. I'm anxiously awaiting my next apt on the 18th and hoping we hear the hb again!

 

[TTCabundle]

Not got my appointment yet, they said my first one will be around 6 weeks and then I see the midwife around 9 weeks.

Just realised I spelt your name wrong! Sorry! I think i've left my brain somewhere over these last few days lol

Glad everything is well with you and baby, and hope your next appointment goes well !
xx

 

[Kasey84]

Haha! No worries, my brain seems to have escaped me too lately

 

[cb1]

Hi, firstly congratulation on your BFP!

I know exactly how you feel as I had 3 losses before this pregnancy. Have you had any testing to see what was causing the loses, and are you doing anything differently thus time?

As far as reassurance goes, I saw my doctor and asked for hgc testing. It isn't routinely done in the uk, but if you explain the situation to your doc they may do it for you. If not then you can do it privately, but the clinic I researched (before my doctor agreed) was 80 pounds per blood test!!

Good luck, I really hope this is your rainbow xx

 

[hopes-up-sd]

Hi TTCaBundle,
Congratulations on your BFP! I think I know how you feel. I've also lost three, and am on the first day of week 5. It's a really scary process, when you've been let down before. I keep trying to distance myself from the pregnancy, so I won't be as hurt and disappointed, but the maternal feelings just bubble up, no matter what I do.
Are you on supplemental progesterone or any other supplements to help you along? They gave me Crinone, which can cause spotting, and it is. It's totally freaking me, out even though my numbers are doubling okay, right now.
I am sending you bushels and baskets and buckets of the stickiest sort of baby dust to stick this one firmly and get you to the moment when you hold him or her in your arms. Hang in there and be good to yourself.