pregnant after misscariage, likely misscarying again, feeling confused, guilty.

[bee.bee]

I carry a chromosome abnormality that makes it extremely difficult for me to carry a healthy pregnancy. I miscarried this summer at around six weeks, but didn't find out until around twelve weeks when I went for genetic testing and the texhnician was unable to find a heart beat on the ultrasound, and i was still measuring around six weeks. This was awful and heartbreaking for both my and my boyfriend who wanted the pregnancy as much as I did.

A few weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant again. I've been very nervous, but excited at the same time. The pregnancy started out like any pregnancy, morning sickness, heart burn, head aches, any other symptoms you could imagine. Until one day the symptoms just stopped, and the cramping began.

I went to the emergency room and had an ultrasound, and they checked my hormone levels. I had only gone from 1, 119 to 7, 000 in about eight days, and there was no heart beat on the ultrasound. They sent me home and told me to go to the doctor the next day.

The next day at the doctor the technician found a heart beat. She told me everything looked normal and was measuring to about six weeks, although I am pretty certain I should definitely be about 7, if not eight. My doctor sent me home and basically said not to worry and scheduled me for another ultrasound in a few weeks. I just don't feel right about this.

I did some of my own research, and as far as I can see I should be worried. The heart rate was low (about 103) and my numbers are still not doubling. I have basically prepared myself to miscarry within the next week, or to not see a heartbeat on my next ultrasound.

I feel as if I'm trying to distance myself from my baby and my pregnancy to protect myself, and I feel completely guilty about it. I hate when anyone brings up my pregnancy, or my future with my baby because in my mind I will not be having a baby. This is absolutely killing me. I got my hopes up very high with my last pregnancy, only to be crushed and I'm so afraid of that this time.

Am I wrong to try to distance myself? How do I overcome this guilt? I feel like it is eating me alive.

 

[bee.bee]

I'm not sure if this was the right thread to put this on, I wasn't sure so I chose this one. I am pregnant after all, just confused :/

 

[geordiemammy]

Firstly don't always believe what you read miricales can happen but you just have to wait and see I know how you feel though and waiting and not knowing is the worst thing ever could they not of scanned you a week later to put your mind at rest a bit?? I know you say you think you should be 7 or 8 weeks but it can be 2 weeks either way you could of ovulated later than you thought!! But if they found a heartbeat that's a better sign than not ill keep my fingers crossed for you and please keep updating on progress the doubling rule is not exact apparently mine didn't double it fell short but baby was ok last week if you are close to doubling every 72 hours that can be ok too apparently x

 

[bee.bee]

I have no idea why he isn't watching me closely. Especially considering my history. I would feel much better if I had a scan next week, or if he would continue to check my levels. I'm going to call the doctor's office tomorrow and beg them to do something. I am absolutely miserable right now. I want this baby to be healthy more than anything, but I'm afraid to be hopeful. I'm really hoping that I just have slow rising numbers and that I was off on my conception date. That would make me so happy.

 

[bee.bee]

And thankyou for your hope and well wishes! I will update!

 

[geordiemammy]

They have to do something it's not fair I'm going through a similar thing after 4 mcs They aren't watching me closely like they said they would so I'm worried sick waiting had my scan on Tuesday and they didn't even show me the screen but said all was ok at 7+ weeks they said they couldn't get exact measurements so I don't even know how far exactly I am then they discharged me til booking scan at 12 weeks so I'm in limbo still really so if you need to talk I'm here xx

 

[MommyNikki]

I'm sorry you have to go thru all that and to have the extra scare from the ER not seeing a heartbeat is probably extremely stressful. All I can say is try to relax..what's going to happen will happy but stress is only going to affect you and your pregnancy negatively. Stay positive and good luck!!

 

[bee.bee]

I just don't understand why doctors would make you go through all this I'm trying to calm down but it's hard. I just wish they would keep a better eye on me to make me feel better. This is so stressful. I feel awful for the potential damage I am doing to my baby for all this stress. I called today and they are still not cooperating. I personally believe with my history and my family's history I should be treated as high risk. They shouldn't make you wait five weeks between visits! Ugh. It's all so frustrating.

 

[geordiemammy]

I know how you feel the care is disgraceful when I had my 4th mc they rang me the next day and said " your hcg is only 14 take a test in 2 weeks if its positive come back if its not go about your business" I thought well that's nice and they had told me the night before that the bleeding wasnt that bad and cervix was shut :/ there is no care in the profession these days its all numbers and unfortunately that's all we are a number and its so wrong!! Has your cramping/bleeding stopped since they found a heartbeat?? X

 

[bee.bee]

Omgosh that is awful! I would be infuriated! That is not even fair. Have a little compassion for goodness sake! Oh man.

I have no bleeding, but I'm still cramping pretty badly every day. The technician tried explaining to me why cramping was normal and this and that, but with everything else going on is it so wrong to treat it with caution? Today has been real bad, the worst cramps I've had. I've thought I might find blood everytime I went to the bathroom they are so bad.

I am thinking of switching to a new doctor that would be more thorough. All I wish is for my numbers to be retested. I know they say after you see a heartbeat not to worry about numbers, but the heart beat was not strong, and considering my numbers had slowed considerably why would he not look into it? I have talked to a lot of friends about this and they all agree that it is just ridiculous that he is not.

 

[bee.bee]

I also didn't mention I did get them checked with my doctor last week on Tuesday and they were 7, 000, the next day at the ER is when they were 7, 400. Now should they not raise more than just 400 in one day? That is what I am mainly concerned about.I would just like to know are they still raising? Why were they raising so slowly? Just one more test. I don't know why it's so complicated I feel like I am being such a big baby.

 

[geordiemammy]

They have only ever done 2 hcg test on my blood in each pregnancy but as rule of thumb they should double every 72 hours so I think if they only do 2 tests it doesn't give enough info mine was 7400 and 48 hours later were 13500 so didn't quite double but they say all is ok I have been getting pain but I'm not sure if its worse cause I'm thinking about it alot they say not to worry unless you have pain and bleeding together so you never know you maybe fine they should of scanned you a week after the first one though its unfair to wait that's what I'm not happy about the waiting after everything I have been through with the mcs the first one nearly killed me I lost so much blood collapsed at home and had to have emergency surgery that was a mmc and the second mmc we had seen a heart beat at 6 weeks but then they were happy to leave me til 12 and I got so stressed I paired for a private one and found it had died 2 days after the first scan so the fact that they are leaving me this time has me worried sick just go to your doc and say your in agony and there must be a reason for it they should scan you again x

 

[geordiemammy]

And your not being a big baby honestly I know exactly how ya feel just keep on at them they will get sick and give in it shouldn't be like that though they should give them for peace of mind x

 

[bee.bee]

Exactly! I just talked to a lady on the phone that made me cry she was so rude and made me feel so stupid. She said they don't even typically check your numbers, and I tried to explain to her that I was only concerned becauase of the baby's low heart rate and the fact that I was fairly certain on my conception date, and the baby was a week behind what I thought and she just made me feel so stupid and said to come back for a check in six weeks. I also saw a heart beat last pregnancy at six weeks and found out around twelve weeks I had miscarried just days later. I don't want that to happen again it was so traumatic that way. I can't believe they are being so rude and inconsiderate to me.

 

[geordiemammy]

I have dealt with the rude horrid people too who also made me feel crap when I rang for my second lot of numbers with this pregnancy she was very horrible on the phone and was like well why you even have scans this early and why they checking numbers that was even after I told her about the mcs you know I hope these horrible people on the ends of phone never have to go through what we have as its horrendous to have it actually happen to you and these people have not got a clue how we feel x

 

[bee.bee]

They obviously have not and I hope they never do. I would never wish it on anyone. I am just beside myself with stress and worry right now and I just can't stop. I wish I could calm down but I just can't. That lady definitely did not help the situation I didn't need to be put down right now for having completely valid concerns about my pregnancy.

 

[geordiemammy]

Have you looked into private scans costly but if it puts your mind at rest so worth the money x

 

[bee.bee]

I haven't, I'm not sure where to look!

 

[geordiemammy]

Just google private scans in your area and it should come up with a list where abouts you from? X

 

[lama31]

Hi, im new here and just found out im pregnant again. I just need to tell you be strong and change doctors. It will be the best decision if your current doctor is giving you the attention you need. Ive had two miscarriages but am blessed with two girls and miracle twin boys. My twin pregnancy was very high risk from the beginning. My doctor was on top of things and made me go on bed rest at 7 weeks to retain the pregnancy and even had a prescription ready for progesterone if for any reason my progesterone levels would drop. Even with two prior full term pregnancies he was not taking chances and thankfully, although 33 weekers my boys made it. So if you can I really suggest changing doctors.