Pregnant MD embarrassed and shaken

[aurorae]

I feel horrible, embarrassed and shaken! I'm 41, a family physician in a small Canadian town, 15 weeks pregnant and expecting my 3rd child. One of my patients came into the hospital and after 20 hours of, in labor, and ended up with a shoulder dystocia.
I couldn't deliver the baby, and ended up panicking. It was terrible. My poor patient was screaming and crying in agony and at one point the husband was yelling at me to "do something or get out!"
I ended up getting a resident at my clinic, a young ob/gyn who just graduated from medical school and was doing her northern practicum, to come help. She saw that I was panicking and took over and ended up delivering but not before breaking the baby's clavicle/collarbone to free the shoulder.
I am so shaken by this experience- my hands were literally shaking half an hour after the birth. I've done shoulder dystocia before but this time I panicked. I went to the ladies washroom in the doctor's lounge at the hospital (lucky it was empty) and balled my eyes out.
I apologized the parents and apologized; mom was so understanding but I feel so terrible now.
The resident ob was amazing; she was so confident and took charge. She talked to me about it and told me not to worry. She jokingly said I got a bit of pregnancy brain but that it is natural to be "freaked out" because "I'm pregnant"
I feel like I said, so shaken and embraced and really incompetent right now.

-C

 

[Missy08]

I'm so sorry that happened. I do think the resident was right. Being pregnant yourself, I don't know how you could not freak out in a situation like that. I've always wondered how L&D doctor's, nurses, etc. do it when they're pregnant themselves. They know everything that could go wrong, risks, etc. The main thing, is everyone is ok.

Again, I'm so sorry this happened, but try not to let it get you down.

 

[Rhiannon137]

What a terrible experience! I can only imagine what that must have felt like in a profession where you have to stay cool and take charge regardless of circumstances. You did the right thing by finding a colleague to take care of your patient. You may have needed to break the clavicle yourself to get the baby out.

Pregnancy can override a lot of our common sense, but I am sure you want to try and avoid having something like this happen again. Does your hospital offer any professional counseling services? If not, it's probably worth pursuing a few sessions on your own to develop a plan for what you will do if a situation like this comes up again. You had no way of predicting that you would have an episode of anxiety like this. Fortunately, the outcome was okay even though it wasn't ideal. Forgive yourself and make a plan to move forward.

 

[IchigoMewMew]

I found being pregnant made me a lot more sensitive about patients with things going wrong. I scanned a lady with post partum cardiomyopathy when I was a week or two from going on maternity leave. Never really got to me too much in the past but this time being pregnant and seeing the tiny baby there that I knew would be separated from Mum on the cardiac ward upset me. I managed to keep my cool at the time in front of the patient but I felt absolutely awful for them. A few days later a repeat request came from the cardiac ward and I just couldn't face seeing her again so one of my colleagues went. I think I felt really guilty as well and that she'd hate me for finding the problem and wish it on me! Pregnancy hormones are so bizarre I'd never think like that now! At least not so badly that I couldn't face a patient without getting upset! Definitely see if there are any staff counselling services like Rhiannon suggested or have a chat with your superiors, everyone makes a huge deal about what pregnant women can and can't physically do at work maybe they can extend that to mental wellbeing too

 

[happycupcake]

That sounds really frightening. I think it’s fair to say we all have moments of panic in situations we are familiar with, it doesn’t matter if it’s your profession or not, you’re a human being.
Most medical staff here would rather give a c-section than have someone give birth breech, so goodness knows how they would handle a situation like the one you found yourself in.
Give yourself a break

 

[aurorae]

Thanks for all the understanding. I am getting through it, with help and being able to talk to colleagues, and other women like those in the group.

Looking back, and having a few days to compose myself, I am glad it happened. I realized I don't have to know everything and that its normal to feel "out of place" sometimes. Luckily, as a family physician, I don't deliver that many babies a year and this experience showed me I need to refresh my knowledge of obstetrics. I am not an ob.

Best part for me though is I found a practitioner (the ob resident who handled the scary birth) to deliver my baby when the time comes; someone who I have profound professional respect for and most importantly someone who has the skills to deal with emergencies should they arise.