Preparing for life as a single mum

[spanner89]

Hi guys, i've taken a few pregnancy tests-- all positive, with one thats questionable!

Problem is..it'll be my ex's who..is a complete JERK! He knows i have some pregnancy worries..but instead of texting me, asking how I am..he's out with some girl he's met. On top of it, when i told him he just went 'just go the doctors and whatever'...

I know Im going to end up doing this alone, im 19...wanting to go university but naturally this will have to go on hold. Just how do you do it? Im worried..as this is a part of him, and im scared im going to bring the child up and see him everytime i see that child. He's hurt me so so much, apologises...then goes back to what he does. It's just an awful emotional cycle that i can't handle...

I've had a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy before, and the ex even considered suicide as he said he couldn't handle bringing up a child as it was 'the wrong time for him'. I felt like i was being guilt tripped into an abortion...

Just a rant..how do you women do it?!

 

[2nd time mum]

Hi don't listen to him and his nonsense! It is always a worry at this stage if you are to be on your own. I was on my own with my son for alot of years and it is hard but very rewarding. Now me and my son (almost 13) have an amazing relationship and even some of my friends who are married, both parents always been there etc. don't have that. It is amazing how you get on, because you have too. After I had my son I returned to work when he was 16 months and then while working also done nightclasses for 2 years at local University. If anything this baby will make you more determined to achieve the best for yourself and the baby. Don't put Uni off too long, although it will be hard with studying etc. Good luck

 

[xCorkettex]

Also i was worried that looking at Jack would remind me of my ex but it just doesn't happen like that-you see the wonderful little person you brought into the world and they develop personalities of their own and its hard to describe, BUT i know exactly what you mean when you worry about it-i was the same!

 

[spanner89]

Thanks guys

I told him, but he says he can't cope- that he can't deal with it, so ive decided to have an abortion, was so painful to see him so hurt like that, he was in tears.

 

[fifi83]

He is ur ex and he should of thought about that, its ur choice you do what you want to do not what anybody else wants u to do, i was a single parent for 4 years it was hard at times but the joys of my son made it all worth while and you do manage.

 

[ChloesMummy]

I had the same worries as you but as soon as i saw her they disapeared. I was a single parent for about 1yr and i managed to have my career still, study OU and have some social time too.

Im now with a great guy who treats Chloe as his own and sometimes being in a relationship can be just as hard as being on your own!!! Things will fall into place eventually just takes time and perseverance to get where you want to be in life x

 

[ga_girl]

PLEASE, PLEASE, take time to consider every option before you abort. I was nineteen when I had my son. I found out I was pregnant after my boyfriend had left me, and it was an emotional roller coaster, but in the end I was so glad I kept my son. This guy doesn't sound like he's very nice to you and I wouldn't value anything he says. He's just wants this little problem to go away. I did it on my own, and you can too. I worked part time and went to college part time, and had my beautiful little baby too. And you know what?.. There are some difficulties, but it's not as hard as you might imagine. I raised my son by myself for 7 years. I had lots of boyfriends, but never let them participate in my son's upbringing. Now my husband treats my son like his own, and I thank God every day that I continued my pregnancy and have gotten to experience him growing up and will hopefully get to watch him grown into adult!

the decision is yours, but I hope you don't do it because your EX boyfriend cried a little and acted like his world was over... He should go away and stay away anyhow.

And I'm sorry if I've upset you with some of the things I've said. It was not intended, I just get so carried away sometimes....you will get loads of support and acceptance here no matter what you decide to do.

 

[Landingmach3]

i agree with ga_girl. i am 19 and 9 months pregnant right now hun....my boyfriend sent me back to america..i was living in germany when we were together. your bf sounds a bit selfish, you know? he got all upset and acted hurt because HIS life was ending? Hun you are the one who would carry this baby, not him. That is extremely sickening to me (his behavior I mean). The girls are right....whatever you do you'll find support here. but please, please think it over. i know so many people who did it...and we can do it too dear. i am taking night classes and online classes next semester at the university. if there's a will, there's a way. i can't tell you it's been easy throughout the pregnancy, but i know when i hold my little baby in my arms, it'll all be worth it. god bless and good luck with the future. *hugs*

 

[Always&4ever]

Hun,
I actually admire single mothers and a young single mother admires me even more, you can do it hun, you don't need anybody like him in your life, and hey were all here to help

 

[xarlenex]

Your going to have an abortion because he broke down and cried? But you said he was out with another girl, and you said yourself he's a Jerk. I just hope you've made that decision for yourself, or you will forever hold it against him,

 

[spanner89]

He cried, said he would kill himself- its having to make a decision between someone I love and my baby- SO hard, if not an impossible decision. In the end, he's not mentally fit to have a child alive, let alone raise it- so its the best for both of us. Thanks though

 

[jillypoop]

Jesus, he's a piece of work. If youre not together then he wont be raising him/her will he? Not trying to sound like a complete b***h but you can't give in so easily to this jerk. You will regret this so much if you do this. My friend had an abortion when she was 18 because she was with a guy like that and it completely messed her up, she was on antidepressants for years afterwards and everytime she sees him she remembers what happened.

You need to talk to a professional. Go to the doctors and they will be able to refer you to a counsellor because this needs sorted out. If you don't sort it, he will affect the rest of your life because he is controlling you.

hope this doesnt come across too mean, just want you to be okay.He wouldnt kill himself, he's saying that to get you to do what he wants. The people that kill themselves dont go round saying to everyone that they are going to kill themselves.

let us know how things go


xxxxxxxx

 

[bumpin'_jack]

I agree with xarlenex. Make the decision that is right for YOU no one else. I nearly went down this road when I found out I was pregnant and had an awful ex. I booked the appointment and had a week to decide. I was so scared of doing it alone and having to give up my life. But I chose to keep the baby and am now 20 weeks pregnant and have not one single regret about keeping it.
I'm not telling you either way, but think long and hard and do what is right for YOU.
Good luck
xxx

 

[Landingmach3]

choosing between someone you love and your baby? that's two someones that you would love, hun. i would step back and look at your relationship with this guy. he sounds like a real controlling person, if he loves you why would he threaten to kill himself because the two of you have created a life together? that's just so mean on his part. and the other girls are right....people who kill themselves don't threaten other people with it. it just doesn't make sense. he sounds a selfish boy who needs to grow up and be a man. hope that wasn't all too mean. good luck.

 

[xarlenex]

I personally would have chose my child, just my opinion though. You already lost a child, now because he said he will kill himself, your going to abort another. But not for your own reasons. Babys are for life, boyfriends can leave when they want.

 

[Leanne&Bump..x]

He is soo controlling. You will do what he wants, then what? He has his own way.

If he was gona kill himself he wouldnt broadcast it!

I'm young but i could never pick to kill by baby because the dad guilt tripped me, feeling my son inside me is the most wonderful feeling in the world, and i wouldnt change that for no one.

So make sure you make the right decision for YOU and YOUR BABY, or you will regret this for the rest of YOUR life. He wont regret it for the rest of his.

 

[Leanne&Bump..x]

.Babys are for life, boyfriends can leave when they want.

I agree 100%.
Hope she does the right thing for this baby, not for HIM