Preparing my toddler for big sisterhood

[darkriver]

Hi ladies
I am just looking for some ideas or tips as i am getting worried my daughter is about to get a huge shock. She is 3 in September. I have talked to her repeatedly about the pregnancy and she still doesnt seem to get that there is a baby in there and she is going to be a big sister. I have read her books and showed her videos on you tube but at a loss. Am I expecting to much?

 

[rose.]

My son is very aware of the baby but I know plenty of others his age who aren't - and he is older than your DD, he will be almost 4 when baby arrives. I would just keep talking about it, maybe see if she'd like to choose some toys or clothes for baby etc, if she's still not bothered I wouldn't worry. I am sure they are both in for a strange few weeks of adjustment when their sibling arrives, but they will get used to it eventually

 

[maryanne1987]

My son was 10 when we were expecting dd and to be honest it still didn't sink in with him till baby was actually here. It's a hard thing for children to get their head around. Your daughter is very young to fully understand but it's great that you have tried to prepare her. Good thing about young children is they adapt very quickly. I'm sure she will be absolutely fine!

 

[Sapphire86]

My dd also turns 3 in Sept and I'm having the exact same issue with her. When we ask her where the babies are half the time she pats my belly and the other half she gets her baby dolls!

I pulled out her old baby gear (bouncy seat, rock n play, teethers, etc) and have let her use them with her baby dolls. It's helping her understand its for babies not for her. I also have been looking at her baby albums with her and now she calls herself "baby ____" when she her baby pics.

I like the book idea. Lately I've been feeling like all our prep work will only help a little and it's going to rock her world to bring home two new babies this fall regardless of how much we try and prepare her.

I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end!

 

[jellybeanxx]

My DS will be 3 in October. He knows there's a baby in Mammy's tummy but doesn't seem overly bothered by it all. I think it's such a long way off for them though, it can be hard for them to think about a week from now rather than a few weeks/months. I like the idea of using books though and will do that closer to the time.
We're also hoping to go for a 4D ultrasound and will take DS with us.

 

[greats]

Dd#1 was just about to turn 3 when dd#2 was born last year, and it was really rough. She seemed to understand that she had a baby sister coming, but even though I had thought I prepared her enough, it was still a total shock to her and we had some major behavior issues for 6 months.

I will say that even though you will be preoccupied with a newborn, make sure to give your oldest as much attention as possible.

 

[tommyg]

My 5yo just isn't bothered by it. I think it is a hard thing for them to get their heads round. They can't see anything. Tiny babies are boring (don't play) and bigger babies eat toys. Bad choice of words a couple years ago trying to tidy his marble run away!
I'm sure it will be fine when baby arrives.

 

[Fruitmash]

DD is 4 and a half and doesn't really understand. We're doing everything we can to involve her but since baby isn't coming until December it's too far away to really interest her. She comes home and asked, "is the baby here yet?" "Oh...can she come now?" And then forgets! We don't know what we're having yet btw, she's just desperate for a sister lol

 

[smileyfaces]

Ds1 is 5 in a couple of weeks but has autism so isn't fully aware of what is going to happen. Ds2 is 3 Yeats old and again, not fully aware.

They know mummy has a baby in her tummy but that's about it.

When I had jack, Oscar was just 18 months old. He had NO idea what was going on but adapted well. I honestly wouldn't worry about it, she will be fine.

 

[Nikko88]

My first is 21 months right now. I think she kind of understands what babies are and that babies come from mommies. We have a few books about how babies are made and that she is the first but there will be another. I keep telling her there will be a new baby in the house soon. But it's hard to tell what she comprehends. She's not going to be too happy once my attention is split and she needs to rely on my husband more. But it will be good for them.

 

[PrincessJJ]

My DD is 3 in august, she pats my tummy and tells me her baby sister is in there and that shes coming after santa has been, but I don't think she quite understands that it will be anything more than a baby doll.
we have bought her a cot, bouncer, highchair etc for her birthday for her dolls to try and help her understand what they are for, ready for when the real baby arrives.
DS is almost 9 and has obviously been through it already with his little sister, so he will be able to help her to understand a bit more once baby arrives xxx

 

[Blessedbaby]

my DD is 2 and she says that she has a baby in her tummy too like mommy ...

she knows she is going to be a big sister and she knows there is a baby on the way but I somehow still feel she will be jealous when the baby is here ... right now she wants all my attention and gets jealous of my DH and wants to touch and rub my tummy alone ... we'll see when October comes what happens

 

[LDC]

My dd was 3 years 7 months on was born - she was aware that I had a baby in my tummy but this was more from me having to say I couldn't pick her up and for her to be careful of my stomach when she was bouncing around all over the place.

It wasn't until later in my pregnancy that she was more aware of there being a baby in there as I was huge and she became a lot more aware of a baby coming and she was very loving towards my bump, always hugging it and kissing it.

I would say don't over do the "baby in the tummy" thing as it could make her feel pushed out as already th focus is massively on the baby which is will be automatically when the baby arrives as the baby's needs will come above your daughters, if that makes sense.

I read dd a book when I was a few weeks from being due so that she could understand a little more - remember 9 months to a child is a LONG time too as they have no concept of time - just before baby was due to be here.

We also did presents from dd to my son and from her to him at the hospital to help them bond.

They have a great relationship, I'm sure it will be the same for yours x

 

[bestmomideas]

My sons are 22 months apart. We would always take the oldest to the ultrasounds so he could see the baby move. We also shared with him his little brother's name so that he could start calling him that. But I don't think it really sinks in until they see the baby outside the womb.

 

[darkriver]

She seems to understand now that there is a baby in my belly. However I think it will hit her only when her sister is here. I am having a 4d scan this week amd will of course take her along. So maybe she will see the baby and understand.

 

[_dreamer_]

Do you know anyone with a small baby or who is due before you that you can start spending time with? My dd is a bit older, she's 4.5 but we have used our friends little girl as an example to refer to and my dd seems to get it really well that it takes a long time in the tummy, (we use the marker of winter and just before christmas as a timeline) what a small baby is like and often refers to our friends little one in conversations about our new baby. I guess the fact she's that bit older helps her comprehension but even for a younger lo it could help in the same way to understand more about what a baby is like?

And to the lady who said their lo wants a sister mine was exactly the same and when we found it is a boy she just said but I wanted a sister and wasn't particularly pleased. That was a week and a half ago and she's already coming around talking about her little brother etc when she kept saying she before when we talked about the baby. Again we used examples she loves some of her friends little brothers and have tried to point out all the good parts.

 

[ExpatMomKorea]

My co-worker actually found a "How to be a big sister/big brother" day camp for his 5 year old daughter. She would spend a couple hours with a group of children getting ready to be big brothers and big sisters. I don't know if it would work as well for your child since they're 3, but his daughter went from worried and scared to really excited. She learned about a lot of important tips such as playing with their sibling and helping their mommy and daddy. It was really cute.

She came to work one day and showed off her certificate of completion. She was really excited about being an honorary big sister.

I'm not sure if these are common camps/classes in most parts of the U.S. But the camp did seem to help children learn about what's happening. My coworker was telling me that the children that didn't understand their parents figured it out after talking with the other children.