Preschool teacher says my child is too soft.

[staralfur]

That's terrible. I wouldn't want my LO around an adult who said they're going to "toughen her up" to be perfectly honest, if taking her out and putting her in somewhere else was an option I'd be doing that. I can't even imagine what toughening up a toddler entails but it doesn't sound healthy. I'd ask her specifically what she meant by that comment if you're hesitant to or can't take her out.

The only child thing is a ridiculous thing to bring up as well, I'm an only child and I was definitely not "soft" at that age (my mom tells me about how I used to boss all the boys around at daycare). Even if it was a common trait of only children I'm not sure how helpful or productive it is to bring that up as no one should have another child just to try to change the other one's personality. That's insane. It's also of course highly insensitive as you are not the only person in the world who has an only child not by choice and dealing with kids and parents regularly she should be aware of that.

And lastly, I think it's very unfortunate that she thinks being "soft" is a bad thing. Your daughter is 3! She's not a 16-year-old trying out for the wrestling team. My LO is also very sweet and timid and I do encourage her to stick up for herself if other kids take advantage of that but I'd never want her to stop being herself. I'm thrilled that my LO is sweet and kind and in tune with her and other kids' emotions, I'd be livid if anyone tried to tell me I needed to change that.

 

[MindUtopia]

Honestly, to me that sounds like a threat and I would be reporting her not only the the manager, but probably to Ofsted as well. I know she probably didn't mean, 'I'm going to take her out back and 'toughen her up',' but that's completely inappropriate and offensive, never mind commenting on the composition of someone else's family in a deragatory way. I'm an only child and unless you live in the sort of family that tends to encourage bare-knuckle fighting between siblings, being an only child has nothing to do with being 'shy' or 'soft.' After illness or a long holiday, every child is a little hesitant going back to a school environment, and that's normal and healthy. We've been at our nursery for 3 years now and my daughter still goes through brief phases like that. Never has anyone ever insinuated it's a problem. It's their job to comfort and nurture children and make them feel safe while they're there. If this person continues to keep their job there, I would be looking to go somewhere else. When we were first looking at nurseries, we visited one where the manager said to us, 'Before you start here, we'll work with you to break her attachment to you so she's easier for us to deal with.' I walked out the door and never looked back on a place like that. There are so many wonderful preschools out there that I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour.

 

[justmeinlove]

Honestly, to me that sounds like a threat and I would be reporting her not only the the manager, but probably to Ofsted as well. I know she probably didn't mean, 'I'm going to take her out back and 'toughen her up',' but that's completely inappropriate and offensive, never mind commenting on the composition of someone else's family in a deragatory way. I'm an only child and unless you live in the sort of family that tends to encourage bare-knuckle fighting between siblings, being an only child has nothing to do with being 'shy' or 'soft.' After illness or a long holiday, every child is a little hesitant going back to a school environment, and that's normal and healthy. We've been at our nursery for 3 years now and my daughter still goes through brief phases like that. Never has anyone ever insinuated it's a problem. It's their job to comfort and nurture children and make them feel safe while they're there. If this person continues to keep their job there, I would be looking to go somewhere else. When we were first looking at nurseries, we visited one where the manager said to us, 'Before you start here, we'll work with you to break her attachment to you so she's easier for us to deal with.' I walked out the door and never looked back on a place like that. There are so many wonderful preschools out there that I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour.

:0 holy cow, that is horrific!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Honestly, to me that sounds like a threat and I would be reporting her not only the the manager, but probably to Ofsted as well. I know she probably didn't mean, 'I'm going to take her out back and 'toughen her up',' but that's completely inappropriate and offensive, never mind commenting on the composition of someone else's family in a deragatory way. I'm an only child and unless you live in the sort of family that tends to encourage bare-knuckle fighting between siblings, being an only child has nothing to do with being 'shy' or 'soft.' After illness or a long holiday, every child is a little hesitant going back to a school environment, and that's normal and healthy. We've been at our nursery for 3 years now and my daughter still goes through brief phases like that. Never has anyone ever insinuated it's a problem. It's their job to comfort and nurture children and make them feel safe while they're there. If this person continues to keep their job there, I would be looking to go somewhere else. When we were first looking at nurseries, we visited one where the manager said to us, 'Before you start here, we'll work with you to break her attachment to you so she's easier for us to deal with.' I walked out the door and never looked back on a place like that. There are so many wonderful preschools out there that I wouldn't put up with that sort of behaviour.

 

[AnneD]

I'd pull her out!

 

[Wish85]

The comment saddens me because I know how it feels from your child's point of view. I am super sensitive and 'soft' for lack of a better word and if I had a dollar for every time someone has told me I need to toughen up, well I'd be one rich lady.

But, I can't. This is my personality and it would be like me telling someone they should change some aspect of their personality that is ingrained in them. This does not mean that soft people aren't strong people. I have been through many tough challenges in my life (probably too many) and people have always commented on how I have a warrior type ability to bounce back in times of adversity so I wouldn't be so sure that your child will be 'eaten alive' at school! Us softies can be strong when we need to be!

My son is equally as sensitive and I don't make any excuses for him because that is who he is and I accept it completely and treat him accordingly. One of my favourite quotes is 'its not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless'