Promotion application, can anyone read over this for me?

[stephx]

As I don't have anyone else to ask!

I'm applying for a promotion, this is my cover letter.

Spoiler

Dear ...,

I would like to apply for the University Co-ordinator position in the HR Department. I believe this role is a good fit for me as I have a background working in an administrative role, which has enabled me to develop a great attention to detail and accuracy in my work. I work most effectively in a fast paced environment and am able to manage my time and prioritise tasks with ease. I am also highly adaptable to change and able to grasp new knowledge quickly.

During the 4 months I have spent working at ... in the customer service department; I have witnessed the growth of the company and am truly enthusiastic at the opportunity to become part of the talent development team. I think I could be an asset to the department and would be highly motivated and passionate towards advancing knowledge in ... employees.

Although I have no previous experience working in HR, I have spent the last 5 years studying towards a degree in Psychology with the goal of working within a HR department. I am graduating in October so this position would be the perfect opportunity for me to move into the field and gain experience.

Please find a copy of my CV attached, which details my past employment, education and skills.

Thank you for your consideration and I am looking forward to hearing any feedback on my application.

Kind Regards,

Does that sound ok? The line in red i'm not sure how to word but I don't think it sounds right?

 

[Kayley]

Your letter sounds really good, however talking from experience can I recommend you put into your application letter some examples of your work.

For example (no pun intended) you have put "which has enabled me to develop a great attention to detail and accuracy in my work." - How and what has helped you gain that skill!? No matter how silly it might sound to you, put a 'live' example!

When I fill in an application form, I put LOADS of examples of things that I have done in (from how I handled a telephone call, to how I dealt with a stressful situation to examples of how I priortise my work) because it also helps you remember how to answer a question when you get to interview stage!

Also don't put in negatives! Don't put "although I have no previous experience working within HR" Say something like 'I would value the opportunity to work within HR, as I have spent the last 5 years studying towards a degree in Psychology with the goal of working within a HR department.

This is just my advice to you and I hope it helps.

Good luck =D

 

[stephx]

Thank you that helps alot

 

[emyandpotato]

I would like to apply for the University Co-ordinator position to I am writing to you to apply for the position of University Co-ordinator. Because you are applying already, if you see what I mean?

I would put a tiny bit about yourself next. Like that you're about to graduate and what you've been studying. Then start why it's a good fit on the next paragraph.

I'd also put that you hope to hear from them soon as opposed to awaiting feedback, but that's just me.

It's a great letter though, really well written! Good luck on getting the job!

 

[jd83]

Completely agree with both pp. Don't put any negatives in a cover letter. You don't want anything negative that may stick with the people reading/interviewing. A cover letter should be all positives; things you can bring the company, examples of how you will do that or how you have done that in the past. Reasons why you specifically want to work for said company specifically. If they see that you have done some research on their specific company, show actual interest in them rather than just a vague application that would apply to any company, it makes you stand out more. I also agree with the closing line from pp. I would put "I look forward to hearing from you soon" rather than hearing any feedback they may have. Waiting to hear any feedback they may have also sounds like it could be open to negative feedback, and again, you want to keep it completely positive.