Question for ex-LTTTCers who are now mothers

[ickle pand]

Do the negative feelings you can have when you hear someone else has gotten pregnant easily go once you have your baby or is there still an element of "Why wasn't it that easy for us?"

This is possibly the wrong section to put this in but I didn't want to risk the wrath of non-LTTTCers for having negative feelings about others pregnancies.

 

[wristwatch24]

I'm not a mother yet but I am about 6 wks pregnant now and I am still very sensitive to people who easily get pregnant, complain about pregnancies, and are generally insensitive to others who struggle. I don't think it's something I'll ever get over even when I'm a mother.

 

[mjemma]

I am 27 weeks pregnant, so not a mother yet, but I think LTTTC continues to colour your experiences. One of my good friends said she never wanted children and this summer decided she did and got pregnant on her first try, 2 months after we finally conceived after 2 years. I found this very difficult to deal with and got really annoyed with her moaning about morning sickness and not enjoying her pregnancy.

In good news, I think I am much more appreciative of my pregnancy than I would have been if I conceived quickly. Yes, the morning sickness sucked but I am thankful for every single day and amazed at each time my baby kicks.

 

[Plex]

The negative thoughts never go away hun, you learn to live with them and put them to the back of your mind but those thoughts are always there. I took 4.5years to concieve my son who I love so dearly and am thankful for him every day. It still annoys me how some people speak to their children/get pregnant just by looking at their partner etc.. Also when trying for antoher child for a long time and others that had babies around the same time as you get pregnant in a couple of months trying and youre stuck ttc for whats seems like ages! I think in some twisted way we are blessed to struggle as we appreciate a child all the more for the wait. Although it doesnt feel that way when your getting month after month after month.

I will say though that I never got annoyed at other pregnant women moaning about morning sickness etc as I loved and loathed pregnancy symptoms all at the same time - being pregnant is hard work no matter how long it took you to concieve. lol

Sorry for the rant there

 

[Toptack]

For me, the negative feelings have totally gone (I'm the mother of a two year old boy who took two years to conceive). I just feel happy for people who conceive easily, as I don't like to hear of anyone battling fertility issues. The only time I get a bit vexed is when people brag about how "amazingly fertile" they are, without thinking that there might be other folks present who are struggling.

 

[ickle pand]

Thanks for all the points of view. I hope I can let go of at least some of these feelings. I never feel negatively about my friends getting pregnant I'm just jealous of their naivety regarding how they got pregnant

 

[susan_1981]

It totally has for me. My friend just has to be in the same room as her husband to fall pregnant. She didn't even know her husband when I first started trying. She fell pregnant with her second when I was just under 20 weeks and I have to say, I was a little "oh my god" about it just in case something went wrong for me and then I'd have to be around her pregnant. But then sadly she miscarried, although it was very early and she took it absolutely fine. Then she fell pregnant again a few months later (they had a break as they were getting married) and I was so happy for her.

When she told me she was pregnant with her first, I was still in the LTTTC hell so she told me over the phone as she knew I'd be happy for her but it may upset me. I have to say I didn't feel any happiness for her, only pure envy. But once her little boy arrived, I was completely over it. I think it's just the pregnancy that I had issues with.

I hope your turn is coming soon xxx

 

[ickle pand]

Thank you. I think seeing pregnant women is harder for me than seeing babies. I can't help but stare enviously at their bumps. Hopefully 2013 is going to be the year for me

 

[mjemma]

Thank you. I think seeing pregnant women is harder for me than seeing babies. I can't help but stare enviously at their bumps. Hopefully 2013 is going to be the year for me

This was definitely true for me when I was LTTTC. I hope 2013 is your year x

 

[susan_1981]

Definitely was the hardest bit for me. I just used to think of the sleepless nights they were having once they arrived 2013 will be your year! x

 

[ickle pand]

Thank you

 

[KJM2]

It took us 2.5 years to get pregnant my son is now 10months. The negative feelings have gone except I hate it when friends/people I know who already have a baby talk about when they will have another and how many children they will have. I really hope it happens for them as they expect but I no all too well things dont always go to plan.

 

[ickle pand]

Yeah it annoys me too when people say things like we're going to try in April so we have a 20 month gap. Even without problems, it might not happen like that.

 

[Blue12]

I found it still very hard when my dd was first born as I still associated with being infertile. Finally after a few months I felt much better and had hope about my future. But now that I've been trying or no 2 and had a chemical it hurts more again but not as severe but still.

 

[GreyGirl]

I fluctuate between both emotions. It took us 16 months to conceive our daughter after our ectopic pregnancy. It's easier to be happier for people now, but I'm jealous of those who get pregnant easily.

 

[Tarkwa]

Now I've got my little man I try not to dwell on negativity like that. It took 20 months for us to make him so I'm hoping that it won't take too long to make number two! It bothered me slightly when I discovered a couple of girls in my NCT group barely even tried (one fell pregnant first time on Valentine's Day of all days and the other who decided to try then discovered she was already pregnant!) but I found once my little man was born I just don't care so much now. I am thinking though that it would be nice to time the gap but who knows how long it will take second time around, although I do feel my body is different now that I've had a baby!
Good luck ickle pand
xxx

 

[Lady E]

I would say most of my negativity has gone since having my little boy, it had gone completely but we will be ttc number 2 soon and its starting to creep back in a bit as a few of my friends are early pregnant with number 2 and were going on about how they wernt even properly trying yet. I used to only be jealous of pregnant people too, I think it was because once they had had their baby, I realised it wasn't their baby that I wanted if you see what I mean! Good luck, hope you get your bfp really soon xx

 

[Kimiw]

I am not a mother, but I have been pregnant. Me and my DH have been trying now for almost 7 years, yes, 7 years! I finally fell pregnant for the first time this past August 2012 with the help of Clomid (I have PCOS). During my short pregnancy, I felt so happy because I thought my day finally came. I had a friend who was about 7 weeks ahead of me and when she annouced her pregnancy I was so upset and full of jealousy. When I found out I was expecting I couldn't wait to tell her and she was super happy for me and the fact that her and I were going to be bump buddies.

For the first time, I didn't mind seeing other pregnant women, I didn't avoid the baby section at Walmart (in fact we started looking at cribs, strollers etc.). I never did forget the struggle, and never did loose respect for my dear LTTTCer friends here on BNB, but the joy I had was unbreakable. That is, until I went in for my first ultrasound and they could not find the baby's heartbeat. I was sent in for blood work and that is when they saw my hcg levels were dropping, and I would be miscarrying any day. I cannot begin to tell you the crushing feeling that came over me. To want something that bad for that long just to have it ripped away from me was completely devistating. That is when my jealousy returned because at that moment I flet like I was the victim of a really cruel joke.

so, I guess in short, yes my feelings did change for that short joyful moment when I finally concieved my first baby. I was so blinded by the fact it happend that I guess I didn't really think anything bad could happen because I had already been through enough. Anyway, that was my story.

 

[MariaF]

I really hope it won't sound selfish but it seems like I don't care anymore - about others falling pregnant quickly. I even forgot most of the heartache LTTTC caused me and believe me over the 24 months it took us to conceive Sophia Ive hit some horrible lows many times....I was always bitter, jealous, angry, hopeless, desperate - you name it! In the run up to our own BFP I must have found out about 10 pregnancies all in one month. And finally I decided that enough was enough and I could no longer go on in life feeling so bitter about other people's happiness. I made myself change and I DID genuinely start feeling happy for them.
It's hard to describe but its as if I let go of the negativity and wanted to know every little detail about their pregnancies and preparation for the baby and I was happy that a new life, a miracle was growing inside them! I was very proud of myself then....And a month later a natural BFP for me, a week before we were due to start IVF. Coincidence...? perhaps.

Now what I find really comforting is being able to share the experiences with people who are struggling LTTTCing. If for example ive heard on the grapevine they are struggling or they tell me themselves not knowing we struggled too I tell them about our experience and its actually incredible to see that people listen and they appreciate my openness about our struggles.

Also now I have this really odd feeling - but its as if I now know that we HAD to go through this LTTTC struggle to get our little girl. THIS particular little girl and not any other - not a month older or younger, just her! It was my destnity to cry myself to sleep for over 700 days and now I still cry when I look at her sleeping from that amazing sense of achievement and happiness that she brought!!!
I really, really hope your BFP is just around the corner!!!!!

 

[Bebecake]

We are part of a very select group who know how difficult it is to go through long term trying to conceive.

My son is almost 2, but it took 3 years, several failed IUIs and two rounds of IVF. It was a long, hard struggle.

I feel better now because I have my miracle child, but I know that he might be my only one. It still hurts but not nearly as much as it did. I feel a little sense of relief starting our second journey.

We will always be empathetic to those in our situation, and a bit sensitive to those who don't understand all of what we have been through. We can't fault them for being fertile. They are ignorant to our feelings, but how would we be if we had never gone through this journey? We could be "those" people.

Good luck with your journey! I pray you have success in 2013! Think about how strong you are to go through this. The Lord only gives struggles like this to those of us who can handle them... The others are nowhere near as strong as you will be after this journey