question for moms with boys, dying for a girl.

[jenniferttc1]

I have a question I have been wondering, I hope I don't offend, as it's far from my intentions, I just want some answers to please my curiosity.
Growing up I always wanted girls, a house full of girls, I wanted to dress them up, bows, lots of pink etc etc. I was so depressed finding out the gender of my son, I was CRUSHED. I didn't even go out and buy anything for awhile. Secretly hoping they had it wrong even though I had the proof. He's here now and I love him to pieces, I just couldn't imagine him not being "him". He's so fun, sweet, caring, wild and a total mama''s boy! Anyways I guess the question is, even though we were disappointed the first time, why is it women get disappointed the other times, when we know we would love them more than our hearts can take? I don't understand my husband either really. He REALLY wants a girl next, but honestly I would LOVE another son, I think I have came to terms that all boys would be so awesome (but I would be thrilled about a girl too, that's why I don't see the point on knowing the gender next time) I honestly believe my husband would have gender disappointment the next time around when its a boy (let's face it, we are destined for all boys, nobody in his family that is a male has had a girl in over 50 years.) I just always say, how can you say that? Haiden is so wonderful, don't you think you would love the next boy just as much? It makes me sad, cause I feel that if we did have a girl, he would favorite her more, so it makes me want another boy a tad more. I personally love all the boy things, nothing is complicated, dressing is easy, and they have so many cute clothes and amazing toys. I feel weird asking this, cause I felt gender disappointment, but I get curious asking and wanting to know, cause all of us know that in the end we wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

I wasn't disappointed with my first. I knew pretty much from conception that he was a boy. And I was right, even though I still wanted a girl. The second time I still wanted a girl, and thought he was (I should have known otherwise if I had paid more attention to signs rather than desires). And I was far more surprised than disappointed. Then I went shopping right away and knew we would try one more time to give them a little sister.

So with my last the gender situation was a HUGE deal for me. It was pretty much like "holy crap this is my last chance for a daughter!!". Not that I wouldn't love another son, I just wanted the other experience. But we're having her, and I couldn't be any more pleased!!

It's hard to explain. But in my case it's not a matter of loving another boy any less.. But that I'm not going to just keep popping out children until I get a desired gender. Our limit was 3, and if she didn't come as one of those three she would never be. And I just deeply felt my son's would have or should have a baby sister. It's soo hard to explain.

 

[jenniferttc1]

Thanks for you answer, I guess im trying to look for an explanation for how my husband feels. It's so weird cause I did a total 180 with wanting all girls, to loving little boys. I almost kinda feel over protective over him, especially when others comment about a girl next time around....I HATE when other people do that! Congrats on your baby girl!!!!

 

[Ava Grace]

I think the worst thing for me is other peoples reactions. I'm a real girly girl and first time around I didn't care what the sex was and like you I totally adore my little boy!! But this time everyone has said they hope it's a girl for my sake. I'm having a boy and have kept it a secret because I don't want to hear other peoples dissaointment. I think that for some reason society seems to think that the perfect family is boy then girl - if you look at adverts with children on it's always boy, girl. I find this quite annoying!
I do understand your husband wanting one of each and I have to say I struggled to imagine life without pink in it but once baby is here I know I will adore him like I do Spencer and I just need to deal with everyone elses silky comments!!! X

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

I don't really know how to word my answer, (bloody internet lol) but I feel like i am missing out, (how awful does that sound) I know i wouldn't love them any less, no way. I just want to do the other stuff, Have tea parties, buy pink !! have a princess room (or w.e) I have done the cars and the ninja turtles lol, I would love for someone to want to sit down and watch a Disney movie with me (my son hates them- except cars) If i had of had a girl first i would want a boy next, i suppose i am just greedy :/ lol x

 

[Guppy051708]

For me its less about being disappointed that its another boy than it is that im missing out on a mother-daughter relationship. ALL of us love our boys, just as you do. We cant imagine them being someone else. They have our hearts. But its not wanting another boy. Its about missing out on that very special bond w a daughter. Two was going to be our max so when i found out DS2 was a boy i was grieving "the loss" of a daughter. It wasnt that i didnt love him or didnt want him but at that point i thought thats all we were having which means i was upset about not every experiencing that special relationship with a girl. DH and i agreed to try for a third. Which tbh is pushing it for us bc we have zero support. No friends and no family nearby, etc. but he knew my hearts desire. AND he wanted a daughter the second time around as well, so he was on board w trying one last final time for a girl. If our final baby is another boy, i know once he is in my arms ill love him just like you love your boy. I would never change my children. I love them the way that they are. My DH feels exactly the same way. Again, its not about changing our current babies and who they are, but its coping with the loss of a relationship we never had. We cannot have more than three kids. So this IS it. It would be nice to experience another gender and the ties that come w that....i think its natural to want that anyways.

Also, DH REALLY wanted a girl last time, much like your dh does now. But when we found out ds2 was a boy and once he arrived, dh was MORE than happy to have two sons. He got over it quickly and he even said he would be set for life w just these two, but for my sake he would try for a girl one final time. So he actually had a change of heart. I know he will be absolutly trilled if this one is a girl, dont get me wrong, but i also know he wont be as crushed as me shoukd we have anoter boy.

 

[Guppy051708]

I too find it bothersome when ppl talk about having a girl. "oh you have two boys." "dont u wish you had a girl?" etc that is upsetting. Even though i eanted a daughter, im still protective over my boys bc they are my life and my blood and i love them w everythi in me. I guess i get upset by those comments bc its like my boys arnt good enough or something. I hate that.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

Well said Guppy you said it better than me ! x

 

[jenniferttc1]

Thanks so much for all of your answers! Don't get me wrong I would be THRILED for a little girl, but not sure I would know what to do with her after a total boys, boy The first time around my husband got so offended by me preferring a daughter, I look back and want to smack myself, cause he was my first baby, it shouldn't of mattered as much, as to say if I already had all boys and had one last shot for a daughter, I still had many chances. I feel as though my husband has put me off on having a daughter honestly. We just started ttc baby number 2, and he is constantly like I hope its a girl, or only if it's a girl, if it's a girl she's going to be totally spoiled blah blah blah, I fear he will just forget about our son, and that's not what I want at all. But as a mom to just one, and loving him so much, im finding it hard to even think about being able to love someone as much as I love him, but I know when the time comes I will! My mom is great. She did have a boy first and REALLY wanted girl, she got double blessed with me and my twin sister. But my whole pregnancy she knew I wanted a girl and she kept saying that a boy would be nice, so I knew someone was not disappointed. She don't care what sex baby I have. My friend was really unsupported, she loves him to pieces but in my pregnancy she was always like too bad he's not a girl.....if he was a girl I would be spoiling her to pieces with all this stuff. My husbands grandma was bugging me for a great grand daughter 2 weeks after having haiden! I just keep saying to myself, my son is NOT second best! I guess next time around I will feel okay with either.If I have another boy, theres someone for haiden to be rough and tough and be boys together. If it's a girl, I get a whole new experience. I do have most boy clothes, but I was smart and got all crib beddings, swings, bouncer, walkers, strollers, carseat, EVERYTHING gender neutral.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I know what you mean, even though I would love a little girl next (and my OH would like a girl next, so I'm sort of hoping for his sake as well) after having a boy and realising how amazing they are I wouldn't be that dissapointed.

But I can see how people really get their hearts set on a girl after one or two boys. I think people just want the change.. being able to choose a girls name for a change, being able to shop in BOTH sections of the clothes shop, being able to decorate a nursery pink instead of blue maybe.. plus I think a lot of women have ideas in their head about how a relationship with a daughter may be different to a son. I think a lot of women envision a whole 'friendship' mother-daughter bond, shopping together, phone conversations, being mother of the bride etc. which they feel you wouldn't get with a son. While I think having a daughter definitely doesn't guarantee any of that I can see how people view there being different relationship dynamics between sons and daughters. xx

 

[jenniferttc1]

I have to admit, while I think me and my son can have a great bond, and friendship and be close, some womens views I've read on here with MIL's frighten me If I don't have a girl! I just want a sweet DIL that will allow me to be there, and see me as part of the family, as I would see her as part of our family.I also hope not to be a bitchy MIL

 

[Nathyrra]

I actually think today's society favours girls. You only have to go into any toy shop or clothes store and see the mass of favouritism towards girls items. I find it annoying. But think in a way it's subliminal, programming us to prefer girls.

I have wondered for along time why I wanted girls. I guess in the end, I just wanted to go against the grain in our family. Our family has a very high population of boys. My sons generation actually has no girls. I think for me, I just wanted to be different. I'm like that in other aspects of my life to, I never follow crowds or fads. I guess I just wanted something different and special. When I found out I was having my first boy I think I thought I was conforming to all the other members of my family and felt a bit disheartened. Odd I know. I think if my family had multiple girls, I would prolly favour boys.

As for having boys.. I adore them! They adore me, I'm like the queen bee and it's awesome. In a way there's something very special about being the only female in a unit of boys.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

^^^ yeah being the only one that puts the seat down... hahahahah

 

[Guppy051708]

^

 

[jenniferttc1]

I actually think today's society favours girls. You only have to go into any toy shop or clothes store and see the mass of favouritism towards girls items. I find it annoying. But think in a way it's subliminal, programming us to prefer girls.

I have wondered for along time why I wanted girls. I guess in the end, I just wanted to go against the grain in our family. Our family has a very high population of boys. My sons generation actually has no girls. I think for me, I just wanted to be different. I'm like that in other aspects of my life to, I never follow crowds or fads. I guess I just wanted something different and special. When I found out I was having my first boy I think I thought I was conforming to all the other members of my family and felt a bit disheartened. Odd I know. I think if my family had multiple girls, I would prolly favour boys.

As for having boys.. I adore them! They adore me, I'm like the queen bee and it's awesome. In a way there's something very special about being the only female in a unit of boys.

I get that, more than most women do. My husbands family is all boys from a male blooded family member. There was 1 girl 50 years ago from my husbands, grandpa's twin brother. She married a guy (Not from a male blood of course) and had a daughter and son, her son has had 4 girls now, no boys, but all those girls came from a guy not from the same male family. There are about 24 male men, and little boys in the family and not a single girl, not one! The only reason I would be super thrilled for a daughter was to say I broke that! Lol and honestly I think that's why my husband want's a daughter. I'm not fused. I came from a family of all girls, were prissy,drama, and hormonal. We have 1 boy every generation so far, but im sure I will break that with a house full of boys. I can't help it, but I think nothing is sweeter than a mother a house full of her boys! We are still the princess of our husbands eyes I might be weird, but I love the little boys clothes, toys, and tough personalitly. I'm a girly girl, and he balances me out well My family adores boys, maybe cause we don't have many. my grandma was 1 of 4 girls, my grandpa had 3 sisters, my grandma had 3 girls, 1 boy. My uncle had 3 girls, my aunt 2 girls, mymom 2 girls and 1 boy. My cousin has a girl and I have the only boy. He seems to get a lot of the attention, so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me and I feel special having a boy.