:( Quitting Breastfeeding, feeling really upset and emotional

[LoraLoo]

Well, title says it all really. Feel very disappointed in myself I really wanted to reach the 2 year mark but at almost 20 months, I fel it's time to stop.
Amy is constantly wanting to feed, all day, pulling at me and crying 'boobie', feeding all through the night, nipping me when she's feeding to te point where i am just so sore now.
I also feel its time for her to go in her own room. I'm not sure how this is going to work with the stopping breastfeeding so ny advice would be greatly recieved. Not sure if its best to do both at once because if she's in bed with me she's going to be able to smell my milk and try and feed.
So tonight, I'm going to take my baby girl up to the bedroom and snuggle up and let her have one last feed. Can't believe I'm crying writing that ffs
I feel like I'm letting her down, we have such a close bond, I'm cared she won't want me any more. She's going to be so upset. I was hoping she would self wean but instead is feeding more than ever, I've tried cutting her down, distracting her, to no avail.
I told my frien earlier and she said 'Well she's far too old anyway, it's not like its doing her any good' which really hurt, the whole point I've carried on so long is because I want the best for her, so for someone to say it was all for nothing is like a slap in the face.
Anyway, not sure if I've achieved anything by writing this down. Maybe I just want someone to say they understand??
Can't believe that we've come to the end of another chapter...

Lora xxxxxx

 

[Zarababy1]

firstly dont listen to comments of its not doing her any good of course it is! but i will say you've done amazing to get so far so many people (including me) wish they could have gotten only half as far as you have! try not too feel down and dont see it as the end of your bond it wont spoil anything and it will be hard at first but if you feel that its right then go ahead, i have no advice on how to stop because both my boys self weaned! sorry x

 

[Shwhattam+1]

I'm not there yet, but I can understand why this is so emotional for you! I was getting teary just reading it! As for your friend, just completely disregard what she said. People say hurtful ignorant things, usually because something is lacking in their lives.

You have done an amazing thing for your daughter. BF (especially those early days) is hard work. You are still attached to your LO in a way that is almost like a continuation of pregnancy. I think the fact that you went 20 months is amazing and you should be proud of yourself not down on yourself.

Your daughter is going to love you regardless of whether she gets the 'boobie' or not! Of course there will be a transition, like any change that people experience, but don't take her possible unhappiness with the change as not loving you.

Wish I had some advice re: transitioning into bed and weaning but my LO is only 4 months old so it will be some time before I have practical knowledge of these things.

Good luck and sending a hug! You've done a wonderful job!!!!!!!

 

[brunettebimbo]

Don't feel bad Hun, you have done brilliant getting to 20 months and have given your girl the best start in life!

 

[LoraLoo]

Ah thank you all, just what I wanted to hear Its nice to have a bit of a 'pat on the back' if that makes sense, never really had much support with Breastfeeding from the off, with comments from my own family and friends thinking I should have stopped months ago. I just love her so much. She really has saved me and I owe so much to her, she will never know what she's done for me, I just want the very best for her. Hopefully the 'positive' thing from stopping may be that she will hopefully eat a bit more rather than filling herselfup with milk and also I might get to spend a bit more time with the older 2. Thank you all for your support, I'll definately miss being part of this board xxxxxxxx

 

[kelly29]

awww hunny, i could cry just reading your thread, i'm having an emotional day i'm so sad you seem to be beating yourself up about it, just you saying your gonna go cuddle up and feed you lo. oh poor you i really feel for you, but really honestly and truly you have done the BEST BEST ever job in feeding you lo for this long, i'm struggling at 8 wks so i really cant praise you enough for how far youv'e come i want to give up bf? well i don't? i really don't know what i want i guess there's always something in my mind telling me to stop, ive never bf my other children, and finding the bond between me and lo is amazing but i'm also scared as she don't wanna seem to know anyone else or wont be comforted by anyone but me

i'm sorry i have no advice and sorry if i have rambled on but you have done a brilliant job xxxxxxxxx and most of us can only imagine getting that far well done x

 

[mystika802]

I think getting to 20 months is a great accomplishment. I would love to get to a year even! Sometimes doing everything at once is easier and sometimes harder depending on the child I think. I would maybe play it by ear and talk to her about becoming a big girl and make it exciting. When I put my oldest in his own bed, he was around the same age, almost 2 years old and I just made it a really fun exciting event....OMG YOUR GETTING YOUR OWN BED!!! He thought it was the best thing ever and adjusted a lot easier because of it. Sorry Im not much help, at that time he wasnt breast fed so I didnt have that to deal with as well

 

[eeyore007]

I have no experience as mine has just self weaned at 13.5 months. Anyway, could you make the transition to her own room really something big, like letting her choose some bedding, new pj's, stuff like that? Perhaps even including a nice new night time cup to go on her bedside with her very special big girl juice?? Or something like that. Perhaps reverse psychology, i.e., get all this done then tell her she has to wait to stay in the new bed, until she begs you to let her stay in it over night? I'm just thinking what I would do in this situation.
Aside from that though you have done a wonderful job. You've kept up her antibodies, probably saved her from bugs, built up her immunity and given her the love and closeness that will result in her feeling secure and safe. Sounds like you've created a willful, free thinking little girl, which is only possible if she has strength of character. Well done you!!

 

[LovingMummy]

OH MY DAYS.
COMPLETE and utter respect for anyone that can make it to 20 months, I've been feeling fed up this evening and wanting to give up BF, so to hear you've made it to 20 months!! We all know it's hard!! Well done you, seriously, I don't mean to sound patronising, but well bloody done to anyone that can go that long!!!!

You've done a fantastic job, ignore your friend, she's possibly a touch jealous! Sounds bad but I know I'm not going to make it that far (I'd like to) so I'm already jealous of you!! xxx

 

[Lu28]

I don't have any advice for you but just wanted to give you a massive hug 20 months is such an amazing achievement, you should be so proud. This is just the next stage although it's so sad to let go. You're her mummy and she will love you no matter what, your bond will not be affected in any way.

Aisling decided she was done 10 months ago now and I'm still hanging around in here, lets join a group for those of us who can't let go!

 

[vaileasmama]

inspirational, i hope i make it to even half of what you have... am very envious!!
congrats x

 

[kmac625]

You've done a fantastic job and don't let your silly friend tell you otherwise. I have no advice as Clara is my first (and I can't imagine stopping breastfeeding and am already dreading the day far off as it is). Just some big and wishing you all the best with the next stage of your relationship with your daughter.

 

[cleckner04]

You've done amazing!! I can't really give any advice but wanted to say you should be super proud!! I really hope it goes smoothly for you and she gets into her own room easily.

 

[MNORBURY]

- so sorry you're having to make this decision, I can see myself in your position a few months down the line so will be coming to you for advice! I can't see Evie ever not wanting boobie and it breaks my heart to think of putting her in her own room, although it would be nice to have a cuddle without getting attacked for boob and to watch a bit of tele in bed! I keep thinking about putting her in her room and stopping the night feed but I always wimp out so I think you are very brave doing what's right for all of you.

Is there anybody who could go in to settle lo so she can't smell you? Evie gets really frustrated aqnd upset if I try to settle her in any other way but hubby and my dad can successfully rock her to sleep with little fuss if I'm not in the room. It might make it a little easier on both of you.

I hope it passes quickly and the transition is much easier than you imagined x

 

[Kota]

no advice but a huge congratulations!! well done on getting to 20 months, thats amazing.

 

[Bernie]

No advice as my other little girl stopped by her self at 10 months old. Congratulations on getting to 20 months such an inspiration on us that are BFing my LO is now 5 months so we are still going strong and my aim is a year and anything over that i would be so proud of. Dont let anyone else tell you any different your little girl has had the best start in life and you should be proud of your self

 

[catfromaus]

Crying reading your thread! I am trying to get Emma to continue past 7 months, and I am completely inspired by people who make it past a year. You should be so proud of 20 months- and don't listen to your ignorant friend!

 

[Nimyra]

First off, well done making it to 20 months!!!

I have some thoughts on how to stop breastfeeding. I think it would be best for both of you to try to do it one step at a time (and not all at once). It is emotional for you and that may scare your daughter a little. I think the first step is probably to move her into her own room. Then stop night nursing. Then after a few weeks of that, cut down daytime nursing until you are down to one nursing a day. And then decide if you really want to stop altogether, or maybe continue just one nursing a day until you are ready. I suggest this, just because I'm not sure you are wanting to stop altogether (if you are, that's fine too, just still try one step at a time until you are doing no feedings). This approach should be less traumatic for both of you.

I agree with the previous poster about making it a big deal to pick out her new bed. Once she's in her new bed, you could do one nursing in the evening then try telling her that the milk is gone and won't be back until the morning. Having someone else resettle her in the middle of the night is a good idea.

 

[LoraLoo]

Thanks all Just thought I'd do a little update.

Amy went into her new room and bed on Thursday night. We did bath, feed, cuddles and bed. We did controlled crying and she suprised me by falling to sleep after 15 mins (Ichecked on her and gave her a cuddle after every 5 mins) and slept for 12 hours straight! On We made a big fuss of her and bought her a new 'piggy' teddy for her to take to bed with.
Because it had gone so well I ave decided to keep with the routine of Breastfeeding her before bed for a while longer. Friday and Saturday night were also sucessful as she slept 13-14 hours both times . Can't believe it as she is usually awake every 30 mins if not more when co-sleeping and feeding all night too. Was obviously us that was disturbing her!
So thats the night feeds dropped which is a step in the right direction, even if I was in agony this morning with the boobs! Was glad to feed her this morning!
Thanks so much for everyones advice and support, means loads to me xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[oliviarose]

That is fantastic that you have got to 20 months, i have only been bfing for 14wks and i have come up against so many obsticals and have nearly given up.

You should be very proud of yourself. I know that when my time comes
to wean Harrison off the breast I am going to be thinking of excuses not to give up.

You should always be very proud of how far you have gotten and don't let anybody ever tell you you are doing anything wrong. You have done the best thing that you could do for your daughter.

My mother BF me for 18months, not out of choice I would not have anything but her lol and I am very healthy because of it. I am hardly ever ill and when I am it is never that bad and I always put this down to being BF xxx