Rant - 3 months PP and OH still never helps

[pradabooties]

This is more of a rant than a question... Other than is anyone else's OH's like this? I had a traumatic labour that ended in an emergency c-section and still came home after my week in hospital to a completely messy house from him doing nothing that whole time. He had 4 weeks off after bub arrived "to help" and did nothing... Didn't get up to her crying even once, never offered to take her during the day so I could shower, never even made dinner or cleaned anything. So I was recovering from my c-section, basically caring for a newborn alone while also cooking all our meals and getting stressed about the housework. To be fair he was genuinely traumatised and a bit depressed after our horrible birth experience so I thought he'll probably improve once he's in the routine back at work... Nope. I've had at least 4 breakdowns now over having to do literally everything and he always says sorry and he'll try more but he never ever does, no matter how exhausted and shattered I am. I have violently sobbed (in the early days, I'm much better now lol) and it still never changes anything. To be fair he does work 10am-11pm but on his days off all he does is sleep until 1pm and then watch sport / do basically whatever he pleases. And on weekdays he sleeps until the moment he has to go to work, I used to try to wake him up earlier to help me and he just goes back to sleep (like literally no matter what). We're now 3 months PP and I'm so happy and in love with my baby and very lucky she sleeps through the night so I do have some time at night but I have to use it to clean and cook and never have time to relax even a second. I am so so so sick of asking OH to help, bins are clearly overflowing and our grass is knee high and still he does nothing or says he'll do it soon and never does. He even criticises my cleaning which REALLY boils my blood! He is so lazy and bratty and I honestly resent him... We've been together 8 years and I've never felt this way and it's awful! I don't know what else to do to get him to actually do anything!

 

[Teri7489]

Exactly the same here! 7 months pp here and also have a 2 year old for which my husband hasn't helped one bit. I had a section with my son, came home the next day and had to bath my 2 yo as he wouldn't. He doesn't cook, clean, change bums or dress the kids. I can be up and down all night but have to get up with the kids, he sleeps all night and rarely gets IP before 11am (works 4-9) I haven't been in bed past 8am in 2.5 years!!

 

[pradabooties]

Ugh that's awful Teri, you poor thing! Ah maybe men are just hopeless, I was thinking mine was particularly lazy but maybe that's just how some are

 

[george83]

Exactly the same here except my 'baby' is 4 1/2 years old now and we've had two more children since. My oh never does anything to help and as you say still complains that what I do isn't good enough. I've learnt to just ignore him now but the fact they he doesn't do anything continually pisses me off

 

[zorak]

This is not normal and I point blank wouldn't put up with it. If your Oh can't be bothered to help after you've just given birth I see that as being incredibly disrespectful. If my husband every dared treat me like that he'd be out.

Kids are a mutual responsibility. I had a really rough birth both times abd my husband took charge of everything. All I did was sleep and he'd bring baby to me to feed. Meanwhile he did everything else for baby and kept the house in order/cooked.

Even after I recovered he still takes at least half the responsibility despite working crazy long hours. He gets up with the kids on the morning even when he has to work. He sees it as valuable time to spend with them.

 

[hlynne]

Same thing here. I was in the military for 14 years and got out to start a family. I thought that he would at least hold our son but our son is almost 10 months old and has only held him 5 times. He has recently left our house (a month ago) though because he has decided that he does not want to be a Dad. His life is all about him. Actually he says that he wants to be a Dad but he doesn't understand how to fit his child into his life. Since we had our son I still do everything I have always done before we had him like cook, clean, laundry, fix everything in the house, mow the lawn, pick up after the dog, bathe the dog, bills, garbage.....everything. My husband never did anything. I have basically been a single Mom with someone taking care of me and my son financially. Now I will have to find a job and take care of our financial needs I just can't understand a lot of men. Then I see so many women that have husbands that do so much for them. Oh well.

 

[hanni]

This is not normal and I point blank wouldn't put up with it. If your Oh can't be bothered to help after you've just given birth I see that as being incredibly disrespectful. If my husband every dared treat me like that he'd be out.

Kids are a mutual responsibility. I had a really rough birth both times abd my husband took charge of everything. All I did was sleep and he'd bring baby to me to feed. Meanwhile he did everything else for baby and kept the house in order/cooked.

Even after I recovered he still takes at least half the responsibility despite working crazy long hours. He gets up with the kids on the morning even when he has to work. He sees it as valuable time to spend with them.

Exactly this. Kick him out! If my OH dared go on like this he'd be back at his mother's house so she can mother him and not me.

Don't get me wrong it took a few months for my OH to get used to having a new baby and start doing things without needing asked. He knows it's either pull your weight or if you want to act like a child go back to your mother's and be treated like one.

 

[_Meep_]

Same here at 21 months! His excuse is that he works - but he is self employed and has very flexible days, often finishing around 1 ... he adores LO, does play with her a bit etc. but it would be nice just ONCE to have some proper time to myself, even if just an hour. Just once.

He doesn't seem to get why I am asking. He won't even take her downstairs in the morning when I want to sleep just 15 minutes more.

His job is nowhere near as difficult as dealing with a toddler all day and night. He says he would happily swap with me, but if that actually happened, he wouldn't last 5 minutes!!

 

[BunNtheOven]

Mine has been the same sort of. To be fair, he has taken our 1st one out of my hair, tends to the lawn and feeds our animals but that's it lol. He hasnt took the baby hardly since ive been home. Actually, he sleeps in our daughters room every night since weve been home so he doesnt hear our baby cry. And I've had to cook dinner everynight since November until last night! And i come home after a c section and still cooked the 1st night out! last night, I tested him to see if he would make dinner, and he did. Lol. I really don't mind cleaning, but what boils me is when he has the nerve to ask me to straighten up the house. After I cleaned the entire day before, "because it's easy". And I won't do it when he asks, like a little kid lol.

My 4 year old has been more help actually lol.