Rant about childless friend & her idiotic comments

[Babushka]

I caught up with a friend the other day who was hell bent on trying to scare me and put a damper on the pregnancy even though she knows absolutely nothing about being pregnant and has no plans on ever having children (she is 41 by the way not a teenager).

According to her:
1) A C-Section is available to whoever wants one & is the easiest option to give birth. I had to tell her it's a major operation that requires a longer recovery and women's bodies prepare for childbirth by releasing hormones that open the pelvis up. Besides C-Sections are not available for whoever in our country.

2) She asked if my OH would be at the birth (This is the norm in our country) - My reply was 'no he's going to be at the pub whilst his baby is being born!" - But according to her no man wants to watch childbirth as it's like watching his favourite pub burn down & it will never be the same again (i.e vagina gets stretched OMFG).

3) Insisted on giving me horror stories that happened a long time ago that she had heard from someone else & realistically wouldn't be very factual anyway.

4) Kept saying that we better get used to having a kid around & she pretended to throw a tantrum about something to prove how annoying kids are ( I told her to shut up!).

5) Had to mention about the stretchmarks. I haven't got any and wasn't planning on becoming a bikini model anyway. I'm sure most mothers would rather have their bubs and a few stretchmarks?

6) Made a statement about how my OH should paint the house whilst I'm in hospital. Umm I want him with me and his new baby.

She was genuinely surprised that I had done research & had factual answers for all her stupid comments - well derrr I am having a baby!!

We've been friends for a long time (since we were 10 & 11) & I've always known she is immature but I suddenly feel a LOT more mature than her! It's made me realise how much I enjoy spending time with other mothers who have real advice. I will have to make more friends with people who have children.

Ok there's my rant, thanks for reading

 

[Ceejay123]

1 - SERIOUSLY?

2 - Oh come on! Disgusting. My OH was there, and he sure as hell got over it.

3 - I'd have told her to get lost.

4 - I'd have stated quite politely that if you can tolerate being around her, a child is a walk in the park.

5 - I got no stretch marks during pregnancy, you may not. And if you do, they're more than worth it.

She sounds either jealous, or just that insane. Ignore her. Childbirth and motherhood are amazing. x

 

[Babushka]

1 - SERIOUSLY?

2 - Oh come on! Disgusting. My OH was there, and he sure as hell got over it.

3 - I'd have told her to get lost.

4 - I'd have stated quite politely that if you can tolerate being around her, a child is a walk in the park.

5 - I got no stretch marks during pregnancy, you may not. And if you do, they're more than worth it.

She sounds either jealous, or just that insane. Ignore her. Childbirth and motherhood are amazing. x

Thanks I'm going to steal your reply for No. 4 the next time I have to see her She has always been jealous of everything, she doesn't want a baby (thank god for the child's sake) but she is envious that my life is together whilst hers is in the toilet.

 

[Ceejay123]

She may also be worried because you're settling down with a family, you'll have no time for her. Thats jealous of the baby Kids do that. Haha! x

 

[Babushka]

You're right, I hadn't thought of that.

 

[iwantabub]

Ha what a ridiculous conversation that must have been!!!!

C sections? Reli... I have to have one and I don't want one... Obviously she has no clue... Also the whole father being at the birth thing hahha well if I was having natural my dh would be there but it's not like I'd shove my bits in his face and tell him to look lol be would be up my end talking and helping me !!! Lol

I agree with pp.. Your friends probably jealous ...

It's still totally annoying when people with no kids tell u all about what your feeling and how things are gone be

 

[Fortune Cooki]

You are such a good friend to be tolerating her!

 

[TwoRdue]

My Oh said he would be devastated if he could not be there and hell no will I be having a c section unless I had to. My mum tried to say that I shoukd have one as it will save all the pain. I have had a op down there and its pretty painful afterwards.

 

[pinkwaters]

people who make c sections sound like the better and easier option really piss me offfff like REALLY!!!!! she is so immature and unsupportive esp sharing delivery horror stories!!!

I have to have a planned c sect due to my babies size and it made me really upset for a while as I really wanted the natural experience and was preparing myself for it but Ive learnt to accept it as whats best for me and baby and it STILL bothers me when some family members start telling me how its better anyway - IT IS NOT BETTER! urgh

DO hang out with similar minded people it makes all the difference in the world, I woudnt say cut her out but just less of her would be great esp during the third tri

 

[Dani_Ldn]

What an idiot.

I have had friends make stupid comments too & now I don't really see them that much. I have also gravitated more lately to friends with children.

 

[DLA]

ugh people are so freakin stupid! Seriously every statement you listed is dripping with ignorance. The one that annoys me the most is about your OH not wanting to see childbirth. How on earth can she speak for every male in the world?? Really? While my OH wasn't a fan of all the blood and that, he would NEVER entertain the idea of missing the moment that the person that HE created was birthed. Ugh that seriously makes me mad.

 

[Dragonfly]

I would be distancing myself from that. Nasty negative person. Clearly has no idea what she is talking about. I knew people like that when I was pregnant with my first, they didnt last long. They ad kids though and complained how awful it was. How wrong they where.

 

[TrixieLox]

Why does she not have children? Through choice or infertility?

I think her bitterness and comments are well out of order. But if it were me, I'd be looking at the motivation behind it. I reckon she's scared of losing a good friend. As you yourself said, you'd rather hang out with mummies and mummies-to-be to avoid these kinds of comments, which shows that any fears she might have at losing you are true. That fear's making her act like a twat!

When I was living with the real possibility that I'd never have children, I saw all my friends slipping away as they had kids: we just ran out of things to talk about. It scared me, but I was never bitter or made comments like she has. But I can understand the fear. Now I'm really really conscious of not isolating friends without kids. I really wanna make sure my circle isn't just filled with parents or parents-to-be. I have a couple of friends who don't want kids and I'm definitely keeping in touch with them. But then they don't come out with idiotic things!

If you value her friendship - I mean, she is your friend after all - might be worth chatting to her before dropping her? She probably doesn't realise what she's doing (or she does but it's kinda out of control in this fearful, bitter way and maybe a litle chat might redeem your friendship and get it back on track?)

Or maybe life's too short to waste time on people who make you feel like crap. I do tend to step away from people who drain me.

Just some alternative thoughts, devil's advocate and all that!

 

[summer rain]

I have experienced similarly idiotic comments from those without kids but they tend to be more along the lines of thinking its easy for me to get out on public transport with all five kids at once ('as soon as you've had the baby you should get out more'), or telling me I should be working from home (I'm a dressmaker) to help OH out either late in pregnancy or just when I have had a new baby. Even basic housework is hard at this stage so where do I have the time to sew clothes and furnishings that take many hours to complete? Grr. xx

 

[Nicola27]

omg what an idiot! I think some people like to get a reaction out of you and it's easier to do that by saying something ridiculous! Alternatively some people are just lacking empathy - one of my friends, who has 2 grown up children so is quite a bit older than me, is always recapping her birth horror story and I just don't know her motives for doing this. Especially as she seemed to remember more and more gory details as I got closer to my due date.

Don't let her bother you - I feel sorry for her personally...

xx

 

[MissPolley]

gotta love the friends that haven't had to take care of children EVER trying to tell you how children will behave...