Rant about sister!!!

[miraclemomma]

So I'm 40+4 and surprised to be here as every midwife, consultant and dr has told me I wouldn't make my due date!

I have been in slow labour for 6 weeks and that has been pretty hard going with my 2yo DS1 at home.

The plan has always been that when labour starts to call my sister, and she has arranged with work that she will have DS1 while I'm in labour!!!! My dad works full time and is often away but helps out whenever he can (lost my mum when I was 15) and my MIL is useless...

So just had a message off my sister that says "Me and James are going to Wales this weekend. sat to Monday so if you haven't had a the baby by then you'll have to sort out a new plan!"

My dad is defo away this weekend (planned months ago) no idea when she's arranged this but annoyed that she's just told me and that she's worded it like me being overdue is already a massive inconvenience for her! Believe me, I'm not ecstatic about it either! Really not sure what to do and don't want the stress! Xxx

 

[TTC First]

Ohhh wow....maybe you should have arranged with the lo in your belly that they come at a more convenient time for your sister.

That is just so rude. If she agreed to be there for you she should not be changing those plans last minute. You have more than enough on your plate right now to worry about finding child care last minute when your sister backs out on you.

I would be so angry.

 

[Jessicahide]

Ow that's out of order! Do you have a best mate or close neighbour that could help you out!!!

 

[pachamama92]

How cheeky of her!! I'd be mad too. Have you got any friends who could step in?!

 

[mum140381]

hugs hun i agree a friend neighbor even mil if you have no choice xx

 

[jlw617]

Ok I'm going to play bad guy for a minute here just because I could have easily seen this post from your sisters perspective and have seen posts from this perspective on this board, I hope you understand I totally feel for you (I was an army wife for 8 years and haven't lived even remotely close to family for the past 9 years) i also don't know all the details so please forgive me if I'm speaking out of ignorance...here's how I'd imaging it might go...

"So I agreed to watch my niece for my sister when she gos into labor, I even worked something out with my boss so that I could do that for her...the problem is that she told me that the doctors said she would not make it to her due date and even though I know it's not her fault and I love my sister and want to be there for her, I kind of feel like I'm having to put my life on hold, my so and I have been wanting to do something and get away for a while now and I don't know what to do..."

I'm sure many women would say things like "you're not obligated to put your life on hold, why can't she find alternative care?" Or "it's nice you want to help your sister but I would just tell her that you've made plans and she will have to figure something else out, it's not your responsibility"

 

[miraclemomma]

Thanks ladies. I'm gonna ask my auntie if there is anything she can do, and then try and split between her and a couple of friends if it comes to it. Will call around tonight to sort something. I nc probably manage so,etching but it's going to be a juggling act of passing him backwards and forwards instead of the original nice comfortable set plan!!!

Jlw...I can see it from that perspective, could've just done with a bit more notice, or plans being made on a weekend that my dad isn't away (like last weekend or the weekend after).... I think it's more the wording of the message...it makes it sound like my being overdue is an inconvenience for her. I appreciate she can't put her life on hold (however on the flip she said she hoped I didn't have the baby over the last weekend as it would mean she would be off anyway and not having an extra day off work!!!)

 

[Jessicahide]

Ok I'm going to play bad guy for a minute here just because I could have easily seen this post from your sisters perspective and have seen posts from this perspective on this board, I hope you understand I totally feel for you (I was an army wife for 8 years and haven't lived even remotely close to family for the past 9 years) i also don't know all the details so please forgive me if I'm speaking out of ignorance...here's how I'd imaging it might go...

"So I agreed to watch my niece for my sister when she gos into labor, I even worked something out with my boss so that I could do that for her...the problem is that she told me that the doctors said she would not make it to her due date and even though I know it's not her fault and I love my sister and want to be there for her, I kind of feel like I'm having to put my life on hold, my so and I have been wanting to do something and get away for a while now and I don't know what to do..."

I'm sure many women would say things like "you're not obligated to put your life on hold, why can't she find alternative care?" Or "it's nice you want to help your sister but I would just tell her that you've made plans and she will have to figure something else out, it's not your responsibility"

Sorry I just don't agree, if I told my brother I would be there for him when he needed me nothing would be in my way!!!

 

[oneill614]

Yeah it's not like the baby could come any time in the next 3 months and you're asking her to put off a holiday forever. It will definitely arrive soon or you'll be induced, so can't she wait 2 weeks for a weekend away? I understand not wanting to miss out on a vacation or needed time with her husband, but she committed to doing something, and when you're an adult, you do what you committed to, even if it becomes inconvenient.

I think you have every right to be very mad at her. I hope you can find someone to watch your son. I would reach out to some friend who maybe you never considered to be a close friend but would be willing to help. You can owe them a favor down the line.

 

[amelia26]

If it was a work thing it might be different but a weekend away when she knows you don't have alternative plans, at such short notice, really isn't fair. I would be majorly pissed off with her. If she had said at the beginning that she would be away that weekend that would be totally different.

 

[bathbabe]

Id be pissed off. She could have waited. Its just extra stress for you! X

 

[maya85]

that's unbelievable!

 

[miraclemomma]

Thank goodness you all agree! I worried that I was being irrational because of being stressed about baby not being here yet and the hormones and everything! I just know ds1 is really comfortable with her and I don't want to worry about how he is doing while I'm in labour! I have a couple of mommy friends that I've made who I will ask (I feel cheeky but I shouldn't cos i'd have no issues with them asking me). Maybe having one of his friends to play with will help him settle xxx

 

[pachamama92]

It sounds too like she just doesn't get the whole pregnancy / birth thing. I have a friend who was completely put out I didn't visit her for a month after my first child. Like I had done it just to annoy her. I think pregnancy and childbirth make you less selfish in some ways. If she already has kids then she's just being horrible!! Remember her going away for when its her turn!!

 

[jlw617]

Ok I'm going to play bad guy for a minute here just because I could have easily seen this post from your sisters perspective and have seen posts from this perspective on this board, I hope you understand I totally feel for you (I was an army wife for 8 years and haven't lived even remotely close to family for the past 9 years) i also don't know all the details so please forgive me if I'm speaking out of ignorance...here's how I'd imaging it might go...

"So I agreed to watch my niece for my sister when she gos into labor, I even worked something out with my boss so that I could do that for her...the problem is that she told me that the doctors said she would not make it to her due date and even though I know it's not her fault and I love my sister and want to be there for her, I kind of feel like I'm having to put my life on hold, my so and I have been wanting to do something and get away for a while now and I don't know what to do..."

I'm sure many women would say things like "you're not obligated to put your life on hold, why can't she find alternative care?" Or "it's nice you want to help your sister but I would just tell her that you've made plans and she will have to figure something else out, it's not your responsibility"

Sorry I just don't agree, if I told my brother I would be there for him when he needed me nothing would be in my way!!!

that's ok I wasn't saying I agreed with her sister, I just like to look at things from a different perspective because it sometimes allows us to have more compassion towards others (especially loved ones)...it easy for us to harbor resentment but if we can see things from someone else's stance, it might be better for us and allow us to forgive easier.

 

[Jessicahide]

Ok I'm going to play bad guy for a minute here just because I could have easily seen this post from your sisters perspective and have seen posts from this perspective on this board, I hope you understand I totally feel for you (I was an army wife for 8 years and haven't lived even remotely close to family for the past 9 years) i also don't know all the details so please forgive me if I'm speaking out of ignorance...here's how I'd imaging it might go...

"So I agreed to watch my niece for my sister when she gos into labor, I even worked something out with my boss so that I could do that for her...the problem is that she told me that the doctors said she would not make it to her due date and even though I know it's not her fault and I love my sister and want to be there for her, I kind of feel like I'm having to put my life on hold, my so and I have been wanting to do something and get away for a while now and I don't know what to do..."

I'm sure many women would say things like "you're not obligated to put your life on hold, why can't she find alternative care?" Or "it's nice you want to help your sister but I would just tell her that you've made plans and she will have to figure something else out, it's not your responsibility"

Sorry I just don't agree, if I told my brother I would be there for him when he needed me nothing would be in my way!!!

that's ok I wasn't saying I agreed with her sister, I just like to look at things from a different perspective because it sometimes allows us to have more compassion towards others (especially loved ones)...it easy for us to harbor resentment but if we can see things from someone else's stance, it might be better for us and allow us to forgive easier.

It might well be, but I would never ever let someone down like that! So I can not see it from another perspective apart from one based in selfishness!

 

[MamaBunny2]

Although I can agree that it isn't your sister's (or anyone else for that matter) responsibility, she did come forward and tell you (and her employer) she would make herself available to you when the time came. If indeed her and her partner have been wanting to take a trip and spend time together then she should not have offered to begin with. You are thisclose to having your baby, for her to have made the offer she did only to back out at such a time is beyond inconsiderate on her behalf.

 

[Smile181c]

I'd be pretty annoyed too to be honest. It's not as though doctors let you go months overdue and you never know when baby is going to turn up. There is literally a 2 week window past 40 weeks that baby can show up before the doctor steps in. If your sister had offered to look after your son, she should honour that and postpone her plans and by the sound of her message to you, it sounds as though this trip was planned as a last minute thing? So it's not as though it's been planned for ages and you knew there was a possibility of having to make other arrangements. Very unfair

 

[tallybee]

I think she's completely out of order doing that but no idea how I'd approach it

 

[Mrs_Bump]

I'm sure mum friends will happily help you Hun. As you said you would help them and if your child knows their kids I'm sure they'll be fine. I know what's happened isn't good but it won't do you any good to stress. So yeah, I'd call your mum friends and check with them and once you've got a plan you can relax again.