Rant/Advice please!!

[LJaydow]

Just a brief outline of my situation:

Me and LOs dad split up about 3 months ago because he was constantly telling me I was not cleaning enough, should spend more time at home rather than going out, didnt like me seeing mum, called me thick and fat and moaned at me for not losing the baby weight quick enough, would be made a laughing stock in front of his friends blah blah. Since then he is going out of his way to make my life as difficult as possible. He seems to think he can just take Jack off of me, and has said that I am not allowed to move (my tenancy is only 6 months here and he lied a whole load about the house but i finally got it). The police were called once when he came over and shouted through my letterbox at 9.30pm that he was going to kick the door down.

Now, he went over to my mum and dad and said to them I needed parenting classes, that I didnt feed him 3 meals a day (Ive tried, hes just not that interested in lunch at the moment), and gets left all day in pj's (I leave him in pjs until he has had breakfast else its messy). He said to my folks that if things didnt improve he would take Jack off of me and get social services involved. They came over almost immediately and my Ex was here and when they started telling me what he had said he denied most of it and went back to work because he was being shown as a liar. He had said that my house was a tip and that I sat and left Jack crying, didnt feed or change him and really made me out to be a very bad mum which I am not at all. I am a very good mum to him.

I think he is jealous because I am seeing someone, and he doesnt like it at all and says I shouldnt be because Jack has a dad and he will start seeing my new bf as dad instead. Ex doesnt like the fact that new bf sees Jack more than him, and he shouldnt do (we go out for walks around the parks and into london etc).

So, Ex has now said that he wants to go to the court to get more rights over Jack. He is on the birth certificate. I dont understand what he wants? I have been left so shaken up by this threat of social services I really have, its not helped at all. I know he will stop at nothing to make my life miserable, or as he said before hes going to "fucking destroy me".

Any advice welcome!

x

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

imo, after being split up with someone for 3 months & moving onto a new relationship & having them round your LO, i can totally understand his fear of seeing your new partner taking over the daddy role. I'm not for a second having a go at you or saying you're doing something wrong, because your ex does sound a complete tool just personally, i would've stayed singlee for longer than 2-3 months & wouldn't of introduced theem to my child that early.

In regards to the ridiculous comments he's made about your parenting, let them go in onee ear & out the other! Easier said that done i know but i'm sure you know yourself that you're a good parent & i'm sure eeven if SS did pay you a visit, they wouldn't follow it up after they had been as they would see that none of the allaegations are true. He just sounds like he is playing silly beggars! X

 

[LJaydow]

imo, after being split up with someone for 3 months & moving onto a new relationship & having them round your LO, i can totally understand his fear of seeing your new partner taking over the daddy role. I'm not for a second having a go at you or saying you're doing something wrong, because your ex does sound a complete tool just personally, i would've stayed singlee for longer than 2-3 months & wouldn't of introduced theem to my child that early.

In regards to the ridiculous comments he's made about your parenting, let them go in onee ear & out the other! Easier said that done i know but i'm sure you know yourself that you're a good parent & i'm sure eeven if SS did pay you a visit, they wouldn't follow it up after they had been as they would see that none of the allaegations are true. He just sounds like he is playing silly beggars! X

Oh I can understand that too, and I have tried to explain to him that these troubles and multiple break ups have been happening since LO was 8 weeks old and I honestly dont feel anything for him and havent for a long time and dont feel a need to be on my own for any longer because LOs dad was never here anyway lol. I have tried to see if Ex wants to meet new partner to put his mind at rest and to make his own judgements, as his opinion does matter to me as i want him to feel that his son is in a safe environment, but he just threatens violence and screams abuse at me for it

Well hes made me feel so shit about how I parent, I want a health visitor to come over and tell me themselves. My Ex actually planted stuff in the house to see if i was cleaning thoroughly enough!

If he is on the birth certificate, can he apply for more rights? He is spiteful enough to go for custody I think, even thought he wouldnt give up work or anything, and honestly I dont know what legal rights etc there are :s

 

[xxsteffyxx]

Righty righty... let's see if I can put your mind at rest here.

First: Threats about Social Services
- Let him call them! At the moment Chris is making absolute nonsense gestures about me being a bad mother to Harvey by saying a very similar bunch of lies as your having thrown at you. I leave him in wet clothes and leave him to sweat, I put him in his cot and go downstairs and watch television, I leave him to cry... What a load of bull! Firstly, how does you or your EX know what happens in our homes? They don't, they are empty threats, he doesn't have a chance, it's total rubbish. So my advice to you, if you have nothing to hide then let him call social services... I have encouraged Chris to call them if he has a concern about Harvey's welfare, because I have nothing to hide (and they WILL NOT take a baby away from it's mother!!!)

Second: Fathers rights on Birth Certificate
Intrestingly enough, I had similar views to you. I was scared that because Chris was on BC he would have equal rights to Harvey... No, it's not the case. Recently having attended a mediation with Chris I have since discovered that a fathers name on the BC gives the father a right to be involved with the childs health, education and relegious upbrining... THAT IS IT! It does not give them a 'legal obligation' to have a certain amount of time with the child. Your son has a right to know his dad, as does your ex have the right to see his son... but a BC is by no means a legal binding contract to have time with a child.

Thirdly: Your new relashionship
- Good for you! If you feel happy and settled then move on, let this new partner treat you and your little one, there is no harm in that and I know you are smart enough to not bring up that child to think that man is his father, but if your child see's that man as being a fatherly figure, that is understandable at a young age - it's going to happen!. Your ex may meet someone and your son will see that women as possibly being a 'step-mummy' depending on how long the relashionship lasts as does yours. As long as you're prepared that your ex will meet someone one day and your son will spend time with her and him together, then there is no reason you should be concerned about how he feels about your relashionship with your new partner.

On a side note, if your ex decides to take you to court he would be lucky to get every other weekend, that is how courts work. They work in the mothers favour and mothers always have parental responsiblity over their children. Your Ex will never win a custody case, regardless... unless they feel your son is in danger, which he never will be.

So, my advice... let your ex take you to court, call social services and do whatever the bloody hell he wants because he will be made out to look like a total idiot.

It's what I have let my ex do... and he keeps digging himself a deeper grave.

The unfortunete thing is, many men see a birth certifcate as a 'legal contract' to a child. It's not, it's a historical document to state the parents of a person, that's it. it's not a contract. A child is a human being, not a parcel to be passed around. I wonder if your ex is actually aware of that?
I know with Chris it's what is best for him at the moment with regards to access, not what is best for Harvey, it's 'his rights' to see his son, he doesn't think what is best for him...

MEN!