Rant, Am I overreacting? (sorry if it's long)

[shannonleigh]

I'm 18 and pregnant, I fell pregnant first time around in September but lost the baby due to a MMC, it wasn't a planned pregnancy but I couldn't deal with going through with an abortion. I've suffered from severe depression/anxiety and personality disorder for years but when I found out I was pregnant it's like it completely went, I wanted to try to change myself for the best, then when I found out I lost the baby I went downhill again but even worse. I was put on contraception pills after the D&C and me and my boyfriend of 3 years did want to try again but not straight away, well here I am pregnant again, I'm 8 weeks, 2 days now. I don't want to be judged because I know I'm young but I've never been like my friends, I don't want to go out clubbing or drinking I went through them stages when I was 14 (I was stupid back then) but I really am a settle down person who likes being surrounded by family, even though mine aren't that interested. I don't have much confidence due to the depression and anxiety but I believed 100% this baby would change me for the best, I'd want to provide for him/her the best I could and give them what I never had, I didn't have the greatest of childhoods myself and was close to being put in care several times so I just want whats best for my baby, anyway I'll get to the point now, My mums always had everything revolve around her even when someone else deserves some spotlight, I went round her house for Christmas but felt ill due to morning sickness I could hardly eat the Christmas dinner, I was supposed to go round boxing day but let her down due to being ill all day, I didn't want to be around drunk people all day.. My mum called me this morning having a go and being damn right nasty in my opinion, because of my hormones I just burst out crying, she was saying how I can't spend new years with her or my brothers and sister because I didn't turn up boxing day, & I need to get out and get a job (which I am trying, Applying for more than 20 a day) but she doesn't stop going on about how when she was young and pregnant she managed to get a Job and go College, and I really am trying but she doesn't stop putting me down, she doesn't realize it was hard enough as it is trying to get a job with depression and that all started because of her and how I was brought up. I'm constantly trying to be her standards and if i'm not she knocks me back down all the time, she was also saying on the phone how on Boxing Day everyone (my whole family) were 'slagging me off', so I phoned my auntie to ask if it was true just to put my mind at rest and she didn't say a thing, which I do believe because she's my closest aunt and isn't one to judge but I just wanted to make sure, anyway I was told my mum and her boyfriend were saying how I look like crap and I've put on weight...I'm sitting here thinking no wonder why, I'm pregnant of course i'm going to look like crap because I feel like it, and I've only put on a few pounds due to comfort eating after the loss but still. :/ me and my boyfriend left everything we brought round her house, (some baby stuff, and stuff for our flat/house when we get it) and she won't let me have it back. I don't know if i'm overreacting but i'm so upset hearing this from her of all people. She's always put me down and I've had enough. I do everything for her, babysit when she asks and never let her down, never ask for money or anything at all but I let her down one day and she does this. :/

 

[cflower04]

I know she is your mother but it appears (from your words) that you'd be better off without her. Perhaps consider putting some space between ye for a little while. You can't live according to her expectations... Make choices for yourself and be proud of them. Do the best that you can to provide for this baby (I'm sure you'll do a great job) and hopefully in the future, she will be able to provide you with the support that you need.

 

[shannonleigh]

Thank you, I never know if my hormones are making me overreact and throw things out of proportion or if I'm actually getting upset for a good enough reason. I know I can make this work with our without support of my parents, just need to go for it and stop worrying about the negativity that comes from everyone else.

 

[jenb]

focus on yourself right now, worrying and stress is not good for you and the baby i think the best thing to do is for you and your partner to sit down and make a plan on what you are going to do over the next coming months regarding your living situation and work etc the sooner you get yourself settled the better and a job will help with building your confidence
try not to let your mum get to you and hopefully she will come around eventually maybe one of your siblings or your aunt can help you get your stuff back
good luck