Rant: sharing affection besides lo

[Shandelion]

I figure plenty of us can relate here.

I'm so tired of having to give so much of myself. Every breath I take, 24/7, goes to my son. I carry him everywhere. Getting to go to the bathroom is a luxury, as is showering. In the five seconds when I'm not consumed by my son, I've got two cats begging for attention who desperately miss me. We live with my grandma, and she wants to talk. And my husband wants physical intimacy. I draw one damn breath freely with my son sleeping, and then my husband is moaning for attention because he feels left out. He wants me to jump in bed with him. The house is dirty, the cats need food and water, I haven't showered in days, I have to pee, I really want to grab a bite without my son gabbing for it, I want to go clean X item that I can't with my son around. I want to brush my hair, all snarled from nursing and playing with my son, and my husband is groping while I'm brushing my hair.

Guess what. In five months since he was born, my husband hasn't once asked to take him. I have to ask him to do so, and then he can't give him back fast enough. Give me a break sometimes, give me a breather and I might be more affectionate!

I don't know how you mothers of multiple babies survive!

 

[Literati_Love]

That sounds really exhausting and I understand how you feel although I do get a bit of help sometimes. I hope you get some time for YOU soon!

 

[tubs]

Time to give your DH a kick up the ass! Seriously!!! He needs to do more for you. I know if I start resenting my DH, there's no way I'm in the mood for getting it on!!!!

 

[Pielette]

There is no way in hell I would stand for that crap.

In my house we're a partnership. My husband is as much a parent to our children as I am and helps me out with housework as well whenever he can.

I am not a glorified sex object with a ring on my finger and neither are you. Marriage vows are about love and respect and I don't see any respect here.

If I were you I'd have a very stern talk. Tell him how you feel and that if he wants sex and a affection he'll get it if you're well rested and feel loved. That means pulling his weight so it's not all on you.

If that didn't work I'd then stop doing the things that I do for him. You won't behave the way a husband should? Then I'll stop behaving the way a wife should. I won't make you dinner, I won't clean your clothes, I won't have sex with you. I will look after LO and myself and you can fend for yourself.

 

[Teri7489]

Snap! I wish I could give advice on how to fix it, but I need some myself. I bathe with my daughter so never get to relax, I go to bed at 8pm to snuggle with her then dream feed her at 11 before putting her in her cot. My husband then expects me to then come through at 11 to have sex with him. He's been a great dad as I've been really poorly since she was born - but when it cones to sex I've to suck it up (excuse the v.rude pun haha!)

I'm just trying to enjoy her as a baby, even if I look shitty. There will be a time in life when she chooses to be away from me and I'll regret wishing to have peace to relax. You're a good mummy. Keep going! If all else fails, give him a good kick ip the bum and see if it works. Huge hugs xxxxxx

 

[superfrizbee]

Aww hun. Big hugs! I agree with the others that your OH needs a kick up the arse and a good, frank but calm sit down talk.

This was something I found helped me when I was feeling over whelmed with the needs of my DD (I hope I'm allowed to post the link - apologies if not):

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4900686

 

[Shandelion]

Aww hun. Big hugs! I agree with the others that your OH needs a kick up the arse and a good, frank but calm sit down talk.

This was something I found helped me when I was feeling over whelmed with the needs of my DD (I hope I'm allowed to post the link - apologies if not):

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4900686

That's beautiful I never feel overwhelmed by my son...I know how precious every moment is right now. I don't mind extended nursing, feeding to sleep, getting shoved off the bed because he's a bed hog...I cherish every second. And I cherish that it's me he needs My husband is missing all those moments and I do feel overwhelmed by my husband needing me. But never by my baby

 

[superfrizbee]

Aww hun. Big hugs! I agree with the others that your OH needs a kick up the arse and a good, frank but calm sit down talk.

This was something I found helped me when I was feeling over whelmed with the needs of my DD (I hope I'm allowed to post the link - apologies if not):

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4900686

That's beautiful I never feel overwhelmed by my son...I know how precious every moment is right now. I don't mind extended nursing, feeding to sleep, getting shoved off the bed because he's a bed hog...I cherish every second. And I cherish that it's me he needs My husband is missing all those moments and I do feel overwhelmed by my husband needing me. But never by my baby

I'm sorry I hope I didn't offend you - it wasn't what I intended I hope things improve with your DH soon x

 

[twobecome3]

I figure plenty of us can relate here.

I'm so tired of having to give so much of myself. Every breath I take, 24/7, goes to my son. I carry him everywhere. Getting to go to the bathroom is a luxury, as is showering. In the five seconds when I'm not consumed by my son, I've got two cats begging for attention who desperately miss me. We live with my grandma, and she wants to talk. And my husband wants physical intimacy. I draw one damn breath freely with my son sleeping, and then my husband is moaning for attention because he feels left out. He wants me to jump in bed with him. The house is dirty, the cats need food and water, I haven't showered in days, I have to pee, I really want to grab a bite without my son gabbing for it, I want to go clean X item that I can't with my son around. I want to brush my hair, all snarled from nursing and playing with my son, and my husband is groping while I'm brushing my hair.

Guess what. In five months since he was born, my husband hasn't once asked to take him. I have to ask him to do so, and then he can't give him back fast enough. Give me a break sometimes, give me a breather and I might be more affectionate!

I don't know how you mothers of multiple babies survive!

put baby in bouncer/swing/highchair, bring into bathroom with you, open the shower a bit so he can see you. now that mines a toddler I just plop her on the tub floor at my feet with some toys. its such a small thing but I feel 10x better like I can cope !


its hard being a mum! I often feel like too little butter spread out on toast. some days even making small talk or smiling at ppl is too much effort I just want to literally bark/growl ppl away, lol


my oh didn't take lo out for very long either at that age, it does get better as they get older, feeds spread out, now they can go out for an afternoon and its great ! it also takes longer for men to get into a groove with lo I think, espec if you are ebf, just takes them longer to find their place/gain the confidence with lo. I remember feeling similar when my lo was that age

 

[Desi's_lost]

I've got two and I constantly feel bad that my oldest is pushed away at times. I know what you mean about the shower bit. When it comes down to it, if I really need to, I just hand DS off to OH. "I need to do x, take him for me" and walk off. We have a "nose goes" type game for changing dirty diapers as well.

 

[Shandelion]

Aww hun. Big hugs! I agree with the others that your OH needs a kick up the arse and a good, frank but calm sit down talk.

This was something I found helped me when I was feeling over whelmed with the needs of my DD (I hope I'm allowed to post the link - apologies if not):

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4900686

That's beautiful I never feel overwhelmed by my son...I know how precious every moment is right now. I don't mind extended nursing, feeding to sleep, getting shoved off the bed because he's a bed hog...I cherish every second. And I cherish that it's me he needs My husband is missing all those moments and I do feel overwhelmed by my husband needing me. But never by my baby

I'm sorry I hope I didn't offend you - it wasn't what I intended I hope things improve with your DH soon x

No offense, I was just musing. I'm lucky with my boy.