Rant: So upset/annoyed with my mum

[Nicola83]

Hi ladies

I just have to get this off my chest! It'll probably be a long one, I'm sorry.

My mum is a difficult character at times but we generally get on fine. She has a lot of health issues (nothing serious) and in my honest opinion plays on them a bit, I think she likes the attention she gets when she's not well.

Since new year she's has a host of issues with her eyes, infection, dermatitis and finally the optician found the start of a cataract on one eye. Talking to her it's like no one has ever suffered with these things before, it's 'woe is me' constantly. She rarely asks how anyone else is before she has ranted about how bad she is.

2 weeks ago I asked her to pop up to the house and see me and DD as my DH was going to the hospital to see his dying Nanna (and had the car). She didn't want to because of her eyes. In the end we went to hospital with DH.

4 days later I text her asking how her eyes were and told her that day was the due date of my angel baby, I was really emotional. Well I got abuse back as I'd not bothered asking about her for days. I also got a text saying 'sorry about baby but don't make this about you, I'm ill blah blah blah'. I was disgusted, hurt, angry, the lot. This sort of thing has happened before when I've been 'told off' (I'm 31!) for not calling often enough but this was something else.

My dad rang and I told him I wouldn't spk to her until I got an apology and 2 weeks later I've still heard nothing. My own mother doesn't care how I felt on the day my angel baby was due, or how I am at 30 weeks pregnant, and I can't get past that

I'm upset and it's getting me down thinking about it all the time. I want to ring her and sort it all out but at the same time I know I've done nothing wrong and don't want to give in and have her think this is acceptable behaviour.

My DH says just leave it and she'll crawl back eventually but it's constantly on my mind and I don't want it affecting my health in any way.

I really don't know what to do! Families, who'd have them!!

 

[calm81]

I have a few people in my life with the 'woe is me' syndrome you speak of. The best way to deal with these types is to do the exact opposite of what they want. Unless the illness is life threatening, I wouldn't give them attention on the matter. I have one family member that purposely goes to the doctors hoping for some illness (of course she hopes it's a minor illness, but that it's enough to get some "awwww poor thing" cards and hugs), I don't give her the attention she craves with it, so as a result, she never mentions her "short comings" with me and sticks to normal conversation.

I don't deal well with self-centered people, if you're too wrapped up in your own bubble to care about someone's misfortunes, then I don't care about yours.

You made the nice effort to reach out and ask her how her eyes were doing and happened to bring forth the reminder of your angel baby and she acted like a whiny baby. This angel baby was going to be her grandchild, a little more tact on the subject would have been in her best interest. You have every right to be upset.

Don't let her think this behavior is acceptable. It's tough when you want your mom around during your pregnancy and experience the welcome of the new baby, but she needs to grow up and be a positive support system for you, being her daughter and all.

Good luck.

 

[Little G]

My mum never kept well either and I kinda felt along the same road as you, there always seemed to be something wrong, in the end she did end up seriously ill though. It seemed to be when you were talking she was only half listening, maybe its because your mum has alot on her mind and perhaps she doesn't tell you the whole truth about her health as doesn't want you to worry. I know thats what my mum was like anyway. Tbh I spoke to my mum everyday so cant comment on her reacting about not hearing from you, on the other hand I dont think It was nice of her to try and turn the table and make out as if its all about you especially as you were upset.
If it were me id have to phone and clear the air, I hate agruing with people, life is too short and as said before, maybe your mum has more on her mind than you know of and thats why she snapped at you, plus you would feel better for phoning and tryin to sort things out.
If it goes pear shaped at least you tried.

xx