Rant

[Conundrum]

I am sorry ladies, but today has been an emotional roller-coaster and I needed a safe place to vent. This will most likely be a very long post, so my apologies now.

The first major issue we are having is one concerning our currently family members living with us. We ended up letting DH's sister and her boyfriend move in with us at the start of the year, due to them having to relocate from a friend's residence. We ended up talking about the issue and and everyone's wants and came to the agreement that they would move April 1st, if they cannot find their own place to her mother's home. He, meaning the boyfriend, just had to find a better paying job.

They would take care of themselves and their costs. Since staying here, they blow through our food budget (the difference to feed everyone coming from LO's savings), have borrowed money several times and never paid it back, their pets that we did not want here have destroyed parts of our house and furniture, they have no care as to the fact I am pregnant and wake me up at all hours of the night coming and going, do not help clean, do not contribute to bills, they constantly fight and drink and have thoroughly taken over our home.

During this entire ordeal, he has put in two applications, both of which he was 'forced' to do by SIL. As many can see the April agreement went straight out the window, and now when we try to broach the subject of what they are going to do I am yelled at, or they bring in DH's family to 'talk' with me and hubby is ignored. I just want straight answers, but to make matters in this situation worse SIL has just found out that she was pregnant. I was happy about the situation until I was told today that they are planning on staying here as long as they want or until he finds a new job, the job he knew since January he needed, which she says will take at least two more months to obtain ( she does not want to pressure him, since he needs time to come to terms with the fact that he is going to be a father. ) I want to be happy for them I really do, but when I am nothing more than a maid and a caretaker to them now- I cannot find it in me to be happy over the situation.

We now have been left with two options in this, either let them stay and deal with the above problems and a newborn or seek legal action that is going to cost us the rest of our savings and they would still be staying here until June due to the amount of days given by our state for relocation. This would also terminate our relationship with SIL, which up until now was amazing and to make matters worse be kicking a pregnant family member out on the streets.

Another bit of news today my mother who was supposed to be coming for all of three-five days later this month has now told me she will be staying the month, and I need to pick her up my induction day. This would be fine if it were not for the fact my mother is a recovering addict that likes to take advantage of people, I HAVE NO ROOM, and the rest of my family will not be around her due to their history. Which means the only person I wanted in the birthing room with me now will not even be coming down because she does not want to start problems for me (whenever my aunt and mother are around each other, they constantly fight so I do understand.)

Ladies I am sorry about the extremely long post, but it is days before I go in to have my daughter and I am so depressed. I do apologize again, and thank anyone who was able to make it through that.

 

[iwantabub]

i dont know what to say but it looks like u need all of those^^^^

xoxox i really hope your situation gets better soon

what doesnt kill u makes us stronger right

 

[MrsWhite]

I have no idea how you are coping with all of this! I wish there was a way, an easy answer, to get all these toxic situations away from you, but it sounds so complicated. So sorry!!! Why can't SIL and her boyfriend move in with her mom like planned? Seems not fair to make you have to deal with all that with a newborn. So so sorry!!!! I hope things get better for you soon. Can you talk to DH and have him step in when it comes to at least his side of the family? And is there a way you can explain to your mom that you can't house her for a month? I know it's touchy but you will have enough to deal with, and better to handle it now than after LO is born.

 

[bassdesire]

Hugs

 

[Conundrum]

Thank you both very much for your replies. I do very much appreciate the support.

@MrsWhite: Hubby will be talking to my mother tomorrow as this was completely unexpected and there really is no way to house anymore people in our home. As for SIL moving, I have no clue since any form of conversation regarding the matter starts a fight and at the moment neither hubby or myself have the patience to deal with the emotional backlash that always ensues afterwards by her calling DH's family. Thank you though for trying to help, right now I am unsure as to what to do so I do appreciate taking the time out of your day to talk.

 

[Bubsta]

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you have all of this going on. it is so disrespectful that you have allowed these people into your home and they have taken full advantage of you. You don't deserve it. It's so hard when it's family too! They should know better. I really hope they develop some independence, decency and consideration and move out. I know, easier said than done. Good luck Hun. Xxxxx

 

[MTBofFour]

That must be hard. You are so kind as well! I wouldn't be. My BIL's baby momma and my niece (his daughter) currently live with us but she pulls her weight around the house and is getting a job even though they just got here on Easter. She's also a recovering addict, meth, so we're really just trying to give our niece a better life by helping her to get clean. But I've told her more than once she slips up I'll throw her out the door myself. I am all about helping the extended fam until it interferes with my immediate fam. If my mom showed up and was like hey pick me up on the day your supposed to give birth and I'll be staying a month I would have probably laughed so hard that I would have probably peed my pants a little! You are a strong woman to be able to deal with what you do, I wouldn't put up with it I use up all my patience on my kiddos lol! Keep your head up your a good person. All the wonderful things you deserve will come your way

 

[elle86]

is it your home? or rental?
If it was a rental I would leave them to it! start looking for a new place immediately and handover the lease to them and make it clear you need space for yourself and the new baby.

its not your problem to look after them.. The second thing I would do is stop buying food altogether... buy healthy takeouts where ever possible and just bring home enough for you and DH.. or I would buy my shopping for a meal each night and cook and eat it and give them nothing.... sounds cruel but they obviously don't care about the strain they are putting on you!

The harder you make it for them the more likely they will be to leave.

 

[Bethi22]

 

[mnonie]

God how on earth have you been managed? Is there anyway of asking your MIL to stand in if she said they could life with her. I really hope things start to look better Hun, I'm sending hugs from scotland!!! Xx

 

[Conundrum]

Thank you all so much for your support. I honestly cannot express how much it means to me at the moment just to be able to talk about the situation. I hate feeling like this, but I really want to say thank you for all of your comments- it has made this horrid day a lot better.

 

[ellieb31]

Wow, that's so selfish of them! Pack up their stuff, put it on the doorstep and change your locks! Having a new born is all consuming and you don't need this crap if you're so close to having baby. It's time to be really firm with them - they might react badly at first but once they've got their own baby they'll understand. They should be your mil's problem - not yours! And most people with a newborn don't want any visitors for the first week or two, nevermind a month long lodger - tell your mum you love her but no, nip it in the bud before she turns up.

I know it's all easier said than done though! Sorry you're going through this and good luck!

 

[JenX]

I agree with the above poster- change the locks and put their things outside. They have completely taken advantage of your kindness. You poor thing!

 

[Ripley]

The reason they are still there is because you and your hubby are letting them stay. It's time. Put on your emotional armor and get them out! Both of you! Your place, your rules. Call the cops if they get abusive. This is not ok. I too would pack their stuff and change the locks. Who cares who they call. If DHs family contacts him to complain his 1 reply is "I'm so glad you want to help, I'll tell them they can live with you." And that's it.

You need that money for baby! Use baby as your strength. A weekend blowout is better than 6 months of torture.

I would kick them out. Today!!

 

[Lauki]

Surely you have all the right to just kick them out? It is your house? If they won't go, then pack their things, put it outside and change the locks. You can always phone the police, as they shouldn't be allowed in your home if you don't want them there!

I really hope you can get something sorted, you need your home back!