Raped then had a miscarriage days later. Father of baby is blaming me :'(

[abd2012]

Last week (I was 14 weeks pregnant) I was raped by someone I knew and the first person I told was the babys father. He called 911 and I went to the hospital, had a rape kit done, etc. But I was so shocked and hurt I chose not to report it right away. I needed time to deal with it. This was someone I'd known for 2 years and they were a very close friend. The whole time the babys father was yelling at me saying I HAD to do it or he was walking away or just saying anything to pressure me into reporting this.

About 4 or 5 days later I miscarried our baby For the first day ( and the first day only) the father was supportive and sympathetic, but he's been saying the miscarriage is my fault now. It's my fault because I let the man who raped me be around me ( little backstory on the father. he left me ( without ever actually breaking up with me) then a few weeks later i found out i was pregnant. he stayed with his new gf still. I was put on bedrest and he went to ohio to be with his gf and her daughter instead og helping me so this man who raped me came to help. basically he wasnt really there for me.) He recently liked a page on facebook titled" don't have sex because you'll get pregnant and die". That hurt sooo bad. He was screaming at me for days causing fights saying idc about the baby. Then he just decided he wanted to forget about the baby entirely and that we shouldn't talk anymore.

I'm so so hurt. How could he want to forget? I agreed to not speak to him anymore, but I want to call him up so badly and just ask him how he could be so hateful towards me when I did nothing wrong? How could he EVER want to forget the baby?

Thanks for reading. I needed to vent this out. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do about the father or if I should contact him?

P.s. I have recently reported the rape

 

[Bumblebeee]

I am so sorry that you have suffered so horrifically, and I am sorry that the baby's father is adding to it. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I hope that you have reported this to the police and that the sick man goes to prison. It is possible that the miscarriage was a direct result of the trauma of what he put you through, so in my eyes he should be done for murder. I think you should stick your fingers up to the world at the moment and concentrate on getting your health & state of mind back to form, as it is not in any way your fault, so you shouldn't have to worry about the baby's father's reaction - he should be worried about your wellbeing. I understand that it may be hard to deal with, but no-one knows that more than you and obviously it will take a long time to feel better. Take aslong as you need and anyone who can't cope with that is better off not being a part of your life.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry This man should be supporting you at this time, not making you feel worse. It is NOT your fault in ANY way, so please know that. Please get away from this man, he doesn't love you. If he can't stand by you at this terrible time then he will never stand by you at all. Please try to talk to someone, you don't have to go through this alone. If you ever need to talk i am always around.. Andrea XOXOXOOX

 

[SabrinaKat]

I can't offer any advice, except

I am so sorry that you are living with the effects of rape and the aftermath of an mc -- I am glad that you reported it and hopefully, from that aspect, you get 'justice'.

As for the father of the lost little one, he probably isn't angry at you at all, but you are the 'convenient' one to focus his anger on, which is probably tinged with guilt (that he couldn't protect you and your LLO), heartbreak about the mc and other emotions, etc.

I hope that you are getting, or are considering, counselling both for the rape and for the mc, as either on their own are hard, but the combination of the two, maybe too overwhelming.

Please take care of yourself and the ladies here are fantastic, so come on, vent, scream and know that this forum is an incredibly supportive and safe place....

best wishes

Pamela

 

[anita665]

I have no advice because I haven't been there and I think it's one of those things where you really don't know what you should or would do unless you've experienced it. Stay strong though. You deserve far better that you've been getting.

Two men who really don't deserve to be called men.