Realised I don't have a clue!!

[_Lexi_]

So my gorgeous nephew was born last week and I went and met him on Monday. It's made me realise I don't have a clue how to look after a child. I'm 25, and I always said I never wanted children. Never had any interest in them, didn't even like dolls when I was little. Then I met my oh, my views changed, and I fell pregnant with Joshua who sadly didn't make it home from nicu.

My sil gave me a bottle to feed Jacob the other day, fine, can manage that. They then said I needed to wind him. Umm, I need to what? Not a clue. At all!! Then it got me thinking, I don't know anything about raising a child! They were saying about how long to leave the water to cool before making a bottle, how long a bottle can be made up for before using, temperatures, how many layers they need, all of it, I honestly haven't idea what I'm doing. I've never even changed a nappy!! My oh has 3 children from 2 previous relationships. Ousted to hate this fact, and think it wouldn't be as exciting for him as it is for me, he's done it all before after all, but I guess it's a good thing one if us knows. Just worried I'm going to look stupid and be a terrible mother because everyone else just seems to know these things. I find it embarrassing not knowing how to do things, and worry oh will laugh at me for not having a clue, which will then make me feel worse. Just kind of scared that I'm going to cause harm to my baby by not knowing all the things most people naturally know x

 

[CupcakeBaby]

You'll pick it up as you go along, but if you're really worried why not spend the next few weeks reading some books or stuff online?

There's loads out there.

I've read a few bits, but to be honest I know that once she's here I'll just do what comes naturally.

Will say that bottle temperature, sterilising and making formula seems all a bit of a faff, so we won't be doing any of that - yay for boobs.

And the clothing/bedding temperature thing is a bit of a worry, but hopefully the weather will have picked up a bit by May, and we have room thermometers so worst case there I'll look up online what she should be wearing in what temperature.

 

[_jellybean_]

The Happiest Baby on the Block is a great book. There are so many parenting books out there. I would go on Amazon and start looking to see if there's one that you would like to read. Also, Baby Club is really a great place to get help when you need it.

 

[Bun87]

I'm 25 too and also don't have a clue! And I'm due in 4 days haha - you have a bit of time on your side! I also agree about bottles and will be using the boobies, hopefully they known what temp they're supposed to be!!

I don't know how to wind/burp a baby, how many nappy changes do they need?! Should I use nappy cream as a preventative or just use it as the rash appears?! How to bath a baby?

Don't worry you're not alone! But, I'm not going to let it worry me and I known that hubby and I will do our best and figure things out along the way.

Re. Layers, I think babies are supposed to have the same number of layers as you feel comfortable in plus an extra one? I don't mind if the weather doesn't warm up just yet, I have a really cute snow suit that our friend bought us. I thought they were stupid at the time, haha! X

 

[w8ing4bean]

I cannot recommend this book highly enough!!!

https://www.mothercare.com/Babycare...-Know/136144,default,pd.html#q=parenting book

it covers absolutely everything - picking up your newborn, dressing them, feeding, sleeping, bathing, what to do when ill etc etc!

I've never had any contact with newborns other than a cuddle and giving a bottle. Never changed a nappy or anything.

But I'm feeling confident I will just do what comes naturally My friend had a baby on Monday, (her second) and has said I can practice all I like with her

 

[LoraLoo]

I will say this- no amount of reading any book or looking after someone else child will prepare you on how to look after your child. Because those books do not know your baby, each baby is so individual, they all prefer different ways to be fed, winded, cudded and so on. YOU will soon become the expert on your baby, because you will know your baby better than any book or any person. You really do just learn as you go along hun. xx

 

[kbwebb]

my care worker person gave me this book..
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Baby-Week-ultimate-caring/dp/0091910552

its a good book tells you a guide for feeds etc, but honestly you'll find that you do what is right at the time. I have looked after my sisters kids when they were babies, and I didnt have a clue, but my sister knew how to stop crying straight away.. she used to be the one who never wanted children and didnt have any idea, but even she said when its your own child you'll just 'know'.

 

[MomPepperdine]

You'll learn as you go its not bad. And the bottle temp thing I use the inside of my wrist to tell it its to hot or not. Just put some in contact with the skin if its to hot ill know lol. Like loraloo said also no book will no your baby they might help you get started but baby might like things diff

 

[laurajade__x]

I'm 18 and worried too! But everybody tells you it all comes natural, it's different with your own they say.. Also the details on temperatures, how to make bottles, how long you can use them for after being made ect.. My midwife told me all about this at my last appointment so I feel better now! Maybe ask your midwife on a few things your not sure on? No question is ever too stupid and nobody thinks less of you for not knowing, how you supposed to know if nobody's told you?! Don't worry about it I can guarantee you will be perfectly fine aslong as baby is here

 

[mnonie]

It's ok Hun your not alone I'm 23 and I've only ever held a baby about 3 or 4 times. I've no idea and it's terrifying but figure if you've got someone who knows then you will be ok .

 

[Mummy Bean]

i got the 'what to expect' book of amazon. was good for just going through the basics from birth to 1 yr old.

Like how to wake them up, different types of milk, different ways of preparing it, what sort of clothes, a whole list of things i never thought off...like when they get a rash, how to tell if there eating enough by checking the nappies, how much sleep at what age. it only a rough guide, but deff helped in that first month when you have no clue, then you start to work out your baby and there cues for stuff.

i remember when we bought him home the only piece of info we got was make sure he feeds every 4 hrs...so we just sat there staring at him...thinking 'well now what?' I mean how to do you wake a sleeping baby? and the above book was good just for those little things.

deff scary and daunting at first, but amazing how your instnicts kick in.

 

[xsadiex]

I was the same before my son arrived, you pick it up pretty quick! Don't worry! It becomes second nature. There is lots of useful info online x

 

[rowleypolie]

i totally felt this way when my first was coming- in the hospital i kinda freaked out after the docs and nurses left me alone with her. DH came back from grabbing dinner and i actually yelled at him "what the crap were you thinking leaving me alone, i have no clue what i am doing" it took me a few weeks to get comfortable enough to feel like everything I did wasnt going to injure her in some way.

I think its completely normal though. I was so wrapped up into getting pregnant and then being pregnant and reading up on labor and delivery that i totally forgot to focus on the actual mommy part. The good news is there isnt much you can do that will be "wrong" follow your instincts, hold your baby alot and you will pick up on baby's cues for hunger or sleep. it isnt as hard as it seems, newborns really dont have alot of needs- and as they become more difficult to understand you will have more experience under your belt

 

[Feronia]

I'm 25 as well and neither DH nor I had ever held a baby before DD was born. Hell, we had never even seen a baby up close! Holding her was very weird at first, and changing diapers was certainly hilarious for the first couple days. We used cloth since birth, and I remember just wrapping the prefolds around her for the first day. Once we forgot to put a diaper on her altogether and just put her in an outfit, and sat there laughing hysterically when it backfired. Don't worry, babies need surprisingly little, so don't break the bank buying a bunch of crap you don't need up front. If you're planning on breastfeeding, it means you don't have to learn a thing about milk temperatures, measuring, etc.! But it's true -- you learn as you go, and you'll be an expert in no time.

No harm done by not knowing these things right away either. If you don't know how to pick up a baby, you'll just be extra careful, and you're not going to break your baby by sucking at diaper changes for the first little bit -- just messy!

 

[_Lexi_]

Thank you everyone!! Made me feel a little better that I'm not the only one! I was just hit by this feeling of 'oh crap, what on earth am I doing' lol. I'm really hoping a lot of it will come naturally! x

 

[mammy2oaklen]

I will come to u completely naturally when baby is born it did to me and dh when ds was born.
Bottle temp check on inside of wrist u'll know if its too hot or not.
Layers yes same as us plus one so if u have pyjamas lus blanket baby will need vest, pyjamas and blanket. U can get thermometers for bedroom that come with gro bags and they say on them what baby should have on at different temps.
You will be fine dont panic thats what midwives, health visitors and family r all there for to give u advice. I would never have survived without ringing my mum about 5times a day to ask her advice.

 

[disneydarling]

I feel exactly the same! I'm 24, and I've only held a baby once in my entire life, and that was only for a few minutes!

My husband on the other hand is a lot better with babies than me, he has had experience feeding and looking after his sisters babies.

Honestly, I've never really loved babies, so have never really wanted to be involved with them, which is why I feel so anxious. I am so sure that its going to come naturally to me when my own little baby is born, will be completely different than other people's babies!

 

[Kiwi4545]

You will be fine. Our momma instinct will kick in over time, and until then? We aim to be happy not perfect!