Reality has hit!

[pinkbump1]

Hi all,

I am in a tricky one I split up with FOB about 5 months ago and about a month or two later found out i was pregnant we already have a 14 month old lg.

Thing is I am struggling, I am having a tough pregnancy baby girl has a dilated left kidney so having more scans in just under two weeks, FOB knows but we are hardly on speaking terms. He has lg 3 times a week and now he wants proof of pregnancy for his work to have time off to see newborn when i have her. I dont want him as my birthing partner and i have banned him from my flat due to his difficult behaviour and the atmosphere so where do i go from here?!

What do I do when little one is born?
How do we sort anything out?
He is killing him mentally and emotionally and I dont know what to do

Its hard enough with out lg in this how do i make any of it easier for now and in time to come with another little one.

I have got a health visitor coming out to me at home (waiting for a phone call with an app) and i dont know if explaining the situation will help or hinder?

I am really lost very hurt and angry and i cant keep crying all through this pregnancy. I feel like i have hit rock bottom and to top it off only my sis knows i am pregnant again ive got to tell my mum yet!

I just dont know what to do. He hasnt got much common sense with our 14 month old what do I do about visits with the newborn and dealing with hospital when I have her.

Really need some friendly help as I am running out of time and feel like all I am doing every time little one moves is have a constant reminder i am bringing another little girl in to this and it kills me.

I am enjoying being pregnant but i am trying to keep stress free to get baby girl in to the world as healthy as possible but i dont know how much more i can handle. Lg is really good and she is a breeze she keeps me going but i feel like i have no courage and it is tearing me apart x

ta all x

 

[lemontree12]

hey lovely
your doing so well. i think you are going to have to try and call it truce in time for the baby coming, beause its not going to be easy him seeing the baby without you for possibly the first year of the babies life. cant you both try and sit down and chat?
do you see your mum much? i think your going to have o tell her soon, you could mayb do with that extra family support x

 

[Strawberrymum]

Hey Hun
Your're doing a really great job!
I think it will definitely help talking to the HV She will have lots of ideas and legal advice on where you stand during the birth and after. Be good to get her ideas on how to go about contact and things like that.

 

[deja vu]

Hi, I'm new to all this and not in exactly the same situation but finding everything really hard also. I'm am 24 soon to be 25 and have already have a beautiful daughter also. My now ex claimed his undying love for me daily, talked non stop about getting married and starting a family together. I found out I was expecting baby no2 at three months pregnant. Told my then partner of four years and he told me over and over that he would be there for me and our baby no matter what for just over 1 month although refused to tell anyone be it family or friends. which yh set alarm bells ringing but had enough trust in him and thought he was just taking his time to get used to the idea of becoming a father first. I got to four months and he suddenly started staying out all night and not coming home, which caused many many rows and eventually he packed his stuff and moved back to his parents house. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and on my own. I have called, sent numerous txts, emails. you name it I've done it and did not receive a single reply or even a txt to ask how our baby is doing. Over a week ago i sent him the details for my next scan and asked if he would be coming. My scan is in two days. I still have not heard a single word. I am terrified of having another baby on my own and I also wonder how i will cope and manage on my own but i guess its a case of having no choice. I love this man with all my heart and never ever for one second thought he was the type to bail out on us. Its ok to be scared but I genuinely think us women are stronger than any man could ever hope to be and that no matter what life throws at us. we WILL find a way to get through and be the best mummy's we can be. Sorry i'm not much help to you but if anyone has any advice on my situation it would be very much welcomed. What i would really like to know is if any one has been in a similar situation and the man has actually stepped up and been a good dad when there baby was born? or am I clutching at straws and kidding myself in even hoping? He txt me just this second as im typing. (how weird ) and says he has not ended the relationship but does not want me to txt or call him but will be coming on to the scan. I am so confused and hurt. I just don't understand. How can he disappear for over a weak, ignore any contact to do with me or our baby then out of the blue txt to say he hasn't ended the relationship but don't txt or call?? His excuse is he needs to remain sane to be a good dad. Yet from what I have heard he has been out every night this week until 4-5 am in the morning. My opinion is being a good dad should start now by caring about how your child is developing. helping me stay stress free etc. Please someone help me to see this all clearly. I feel like I am being dragged along for the fun of it and blind because I still love him so much. I'm lonely and that does't help either. Do i give him space and stop calling and let him continue to give excuses when really just feels like he wants to be out and not here with us or do I cut my losses now, suffer the scares and hope in time the pain will ease? (sorry if im not suppose to ramble and put it on this page but don't have anyone to talk to and just getting used to using the sight. You sound like an amazing, strong women. I wish I was doing as well as you seem to be. x

 

[deja vu]

Sorry, rushed through trying to get everything off my chest, reason for the many spelling mistakes.

 

[whatwillbe]

Srry your going through this alone Hun, for now I'd try not to worry too much, maybe you could tell him how your feeling and tell him you need him to be supportive as when baby arrives if he wants to see her it's probably gonna be best for him to come to yours to see her, otherwise he doesn't get to at all ? Right now you don't need any stress, I went through my last pregnancy alone and the stress , upset ruined it, just try and think of your beautiful baby and worry about fob once she arrives, good luck x

 

[Steffyclaire1]

First of all, I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be very difficult for you. There are no cookie cutter answers for what you are experiencing, but know that you need to stay strong and healthy for yourself and the baby. Some of your concerns cannot be answered until after the baby is born. I would suggest that you find someone that you can talk to. A person that you value their opinions and judgement. You need someone that can provide you with options. If the FOB does not do well with children, maybe during visit they can be monitored. The main thing is for the baby to be safe. If your ex wants a paternity test, that may be something that you may want to consider, as it would resolve some long-term issues. At this point, I really believe you should find someone you can talk to who can give you sound advice and help you with the resources that you need. You need to take care of your health...physically and emotionally. Please know that you are not alone. There are people who can help you and lend an ear, when you simply need to talk.

 

[JennyBLove]

Hi hun. Im sorrry u are feeling so low! I can relate 100%. I feel naive for believing in my fob as well. Im 31 wkks and he has not been here for me. He has put me through hoops in everyway. We tryd for baby but he left me when I found out a lil after. Im still crushed as he left me for another girl. Doesnt want mee texting alot and blocked me from calling. I have no suppirt really but making it through. Whos to tell what they will do when baby is here but try not to get hopes up. He is on bs just like mine it seems and I too believe if u can hurt or not help the woman carrying your baby how good of a man are u literally. Tellss alot. I too thought hed nvr do. Im sry u going thru it too. My fob nvr came to any apntmnts tho but will text me back occationally. Hate them. Msg me anytime

 

[pinkbump1]

hi ya all I am shocked about the amount of ladies that r in the same situation. I am still battling but ive told my mum now I do feel like a weight has been lifted but buying baby stuff has been so hard because its a reminder and while i love my girls more than i hate their dad I am just so sorry they are in the middle. I to am getting to the point where I feel a lot stronger and postive and I think if a guy is going to leave you like this then it dont say alot about them. Ladies children are a saving grace and while i have my good days and down days I will have a fresh start and one day things will be better. Right now I am trying to be a good mum and to also be a good strong role model for my daughter and for my unborn daughter x I dont know how things will turn out with FOB all I can say is I am over him and I wouldnt want him back even if he begged and pleaded. I just hope that one day he wont be able to hurt me at all not for a second because it still hurts really bad but its my girls I cry for. All I can say is my mum is a single mum to 4 of us and we love her so much for her strength we dont hold it against her in fact we love her more so for being everything to us x Keep strong I know its hard i am still trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I feel now that one day in the future I will xx

 

[Dezireey]

Best advice I can give ( and I know its tough and easier said than done) is that you need to relax and be stress free as much as you possibly can whilst pregnant. Its just too tempting to let the floodgates open and cry, get angry and brood, dwell and feel hurt. But this, especially if it just carries on for the whole 9 months of pregnancy is not good for Mother and baby. Try to keep telling yourself ' I will deal with these emotions and the hurt and anger AFTER baby is born'. The last thing a pregnant body needs is to be put under a lot of stress. God forbid, if anything did happen to you or baby, then he has taken that away from you aswell. Take care of yourself, maybe write all the worries down in a book to read later and just focus on bringing your baby into the world. I spent the first half of my pregnancy in tears and looking back, that was just a bad bad thing to do.

Hugs xx

 

[Linz88]

Maybe visits at a playcentre or his mothers house?