Really depressed about c-section before it happens

[ameliare]

At my last appointment my OB told me to mentally prepare for a c-section because it looks like my placenta has stopped working properly and baby would be safer on the outside than inside.

My hospital SUCKS for deliveries, but especially c-sections. Basically what will happen is they will take me in, give me an "epidural anaesthetic" and DF can stay by me if they decide it's appropriate. They don't lower the screen. As soon as the baby is born they will take him away to the special care nursery. Then I will be stitched up and sent to recovery. I'll sit in recovery for 2-3 hours, then be transferred to the maternity ward. THEN be able to see and hold my baby. I'll be alone because no one is allowed in recovery.

I feel like breastfeeding is down the toilet. I won't even see him for 3+ hours. They will probably give him a bottle and formula since he'll be hungry. Everyone else (DF, parents, PIL) will get to see and hold him before I do.

He'll be born early so who knows what type of problems he'll have. If he has to stay in the NICU I won't be able to see him for even longer, until I'm able to get out of bed (hospital policy is stay in bed for 24 hours). I could miss his whole first day of life.

I honestly feel like what's the point in having him. I won't get any special bonding time with him, I'll miss his birth and first hours, everyone else will see and hold him before I do, he'll bond more with DF than me. I'm going back to work in January and DF will be staying home on pat leave for a year. I feel like the baby won't even like me because I missed the beginning and won't be around nearly as much starting January.

All I do is sit around and cry because the best experience in my life is going to be the worst. And no, the saying "all that matters is a healthy baby" is complete BS. Especially when they aren't even taking the babies best interests into consideration. I wanted a skin-to-skin/woman centred c-section but my hospital doesn't offer them, nor does any hospital within 2 hours. The only one that does has only done a few and does them very selectively.

I feel like I'll have awful postpartum depression. I don't know how to stop thinking about it... I want to be able to enjoy the last bit of pregnancy and the new baby but I won't.

 

[RcdM]

Aww I'm so sorry your hospital is like that. I know more and more hospitals are going more baby-centric so I'm surprised yours is so far from it! Did your doctor tell you all of this?

You baby may be a little early but he might not have any issues at all. Can you at least ask if they can hold off on feeding him until you get a chance to breastfeed? The nurses might be a lot nicer and accommodating than you think once you're there. I would just say try hard not to build it up in your head to be so terrible. I understand preparing yourself for the worst, but don't put yourself into a depression over it. And don't say what's the point of having him! I know what you mean. I think it will go better than you're building it up to be. If your placenta is not functioning, he really will thrive on the outside much better so just try to focus on his health.

And please don't say your baby won't even like you. You really have to take a step back and get a grip. You KNOW that's not true. Your baby grew inside you for the last 9 months. He knows your voice, recognizes your heartbeat, he is a part of YOU. In fact you're all he knows. A few hours or even a day away from you will not take away all he has been used to for the last 9 months. Also, I think it's GREAT your DH will be home with him for a year. A lot of us (in the US at least) go back to work within 12 weeks and our babies go to daycare with a bunch of stranger who don't know our babies and we just have to trust they are taking good care of them! So I think that it's amazing you guys will have that opportunity.

We don't all get the birth plans we wanted. Yet some setbacks in the beginning don't mean you won't be able to breastfeed or bond. I had my dd very unexpectedly by EMCS at 30 weeks. She was in the NICU for 5 weeks and I didn't even get to hold her for a few days. And believe me that is one of the LAST things I expected when thinking about how I wanted to give birth. But now she's a happy healthy 2 year old and those days are so far behind us. They are part of our story but they don't define me and they don't define my daughter. It will be hard at first but you can do it. Try hard to stay positive. In the long run it will all be okay. Just remind yourself of that. This will pass and soon enough you'll be home with your kiddo and he'll be melting your heart every day.

 

[DragonflyWing]

I agree with everything RcdM wrote. My twins were born via EMCS at 32 weeks...I couldn't see them for almost 24 hours, couldn't hold them for 3 days, and they were in the NICU for almost 4 weeks. We still managed to breastfeed (I pumped until they were ready to latch), and they were very much bonded to me. I went back to work 8 weeks postpartum and DH stayed home with them...they still run into my arms when I get home. To them I'm still Mama, the best thing ever.

 

[hmommy219]

I understand your concerns, and I get why you're so upset, but hon, everything will be OK. Your baby will absolutely instinctually love you.. there are so many moms and babies who develop complications and don't get to do that skin-to-skin time & breastfeeding etc,. but once that baby and mommy come together, nature takes a hold, and the reunion is all the sweeter. The love you have for your baby, and the primal, instinctual need the baby has for you will not be swayed by some hours apart.

Also, 36 weeks is great and the likelihood that your baby will need time in the nicu is pretty slim.

Deep breaths, and just wait and see... you will rock motherhood because you're already so upset about being apart from the little person you haven't even met.