Really getting me down :(

[codex]

18 is an adult but still your so young. Have fun do what you want to do then settle down and have a family.

I can't understand why all of you are in such a rush to have babies. Sure they are cute and someone to love but they are so much work and your life is never the same. I have friends who had babies at 16, 17, and 18 and do you know what all of them have said...I love my child but if I could have done things differently they would. Not one of them had the dad stick around (even though he said he wanted it blah blah blah) and now they are single parents. They fought their way through university and try hard with work.

Your parents really I think just want you to get a little more life experience under your belt before you make that plunge.

I hope it works out for you and I hope you reconsider

 

[alice&bump]

hey hun. i was ttc when i was 19 and only just. i knew for years that i'd wanted to be a mum and didnt want uni and all that. i was living with my OH when we started ttc and as others have said i would suggest wtt til you've lived together for a bit. its so hard living together and no matter how close you are, its so different when you're together 24/7 and having to cook, clean and everythin else.

i didnt tell my parents when we started ttc, because i knew they still think of me as their little girls and still had the dreams of me goin to uni and that. i didnt see how it was really their business, but i wasnt under their roof when i was doin it. they reacted pretty muchthe same when i told them i was pregnant as yours have, my OH is 10 years older and he was made out to be so irresponsible etc. took a while of convincing them that it was me that was more keen then him about it.

sorry if i've gone on a bit lol, but i hope all goes well and it gets sorted with your parents. just be mindful that although you are an adult, you're still living under your parents roof and you've got to respect them. i know it sounds like i'm preachin and all that, but perhaps waiting to try until you're in your own place might be a good idea.
xxxx

 

[sparkswillfly]

18 is an adult but still your so young. Have fun do what you want to do then settle down and have a family.

I can't understand why all of you are in such a rush to have babies. Sure they are cute and someone to love but they are so much work and your life is never the same. I have friends who had babies at 16, 17, and 18 and do you know what all of them have said...I love my child but if I could have done things differently they would. Not one of them had the dad stick around (even though he said he wanted it blah blah blah) and now they are single parents. They fought their way through university and try hard with work.

Your parents really I think just want you to get a little more life experience under your belt before you make that plunge.

I hope it works out for you and I hope you reconsider

I completely agree with you on this. I really dont understand what the rush is about. I am aware that there are a lot of teenage girls desperate for babies. It may be something you really want like most women do! But there is a whole world out there with so many exciting opportunities. At 18 you may be an adult but you have so much maturing to do. Im only 22 but I have done so much with those 4 extra years and I have grown up so much in such a short space of time. My friends who have had kids young all same the same thing as well I love my kids but I wish I had waited.

I also agree with what Alice says you really need to live with your boyfriend for a year atleast first. I think its absolutely ridiculous that anyone would think of having a baby if you have never moved out of home or lived with the partner. Its completely bonkers and irresponsible. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but its true. A baby needs to be bought into a solid relationship that has grown over time and when you can ensure that your relationship can withstand such a test. Its a real test of your relationship to live with someone and its really hard sometimes.

 

[sophiecouldwe]

thanku for all you advice again. i feel like im torn between doin wot i 'shud' do and what i want to do. i completly understand that i shud live wiv my partner first and get used to being together before considering having a baby but my parents wont even allow me to move in with him. im completly trapped not aloud to do anythin that i want. if im truthfully honest we wud never have considered having a baby with my OH if i had not have had a m/c earlier in the year because i no myself that i am still very young but my mum thinks thats the reason i want a baby now. 2 replace wot i had. its not that i want to replace but the more i thought of the idea and got used to the idea the more i wanted it.
this morning my dad had a massive tlk wiv me about how things are at the mo and he told me that if things dont change then our family will fall apart. my mum sed tht if i decide to have a baby then she will not be there 4 me. so basically ive got to put asside wot i want so badly to save my family from falling apart. i love my family very much and wud hate it to be ruined but i dont think this is fair on my behalf. am i being selfish or are they sayin this to try to persuade me not to move in wiv my other half and start a family? im so confused! xxxx

 

[JayleighAnn]

I'm 18 too and me and my OH are ttc too.. I also don't want my parents knowing my plan until I'm pregnant. So I do understand how you must be feeling right now. Just make sure you do want YOU want to do and not do something different for somebody else.

Me too, and i agree with Lyrah, do what YOU want to do. x

Me too, and I agree with these two, its up to you and OH.

 

[alice&bump]

hun they cant stop you moving out! my parents werent exactly happy when i moved out, and i thought i was never gona speak to them when i got pregnant, but time is a good healer and they just needed to get their heads round it. you mentioned you've got family in india - there may be cultural differences that i dont understand, but i'm pretty sure all families just want the best for their babies, especially their little girls!!

 

[Blah11]

I don't agree with teenagers TTC so I know exactly where your mum is coming from. I wouldn't support my daughter if she was either. I read 'problems at home' so I assume you still live with your parents. Yes it's your life but aslong as you live under her roof, the baby is her business too. Don't you think it's better to buy a house and stuff with ur bf before trying for a kid?

 

[Lyrah]

In my opinion, 18 isn't a teenager, 18 is an adult. I think it's fine for 18 year olds to ttc if they are stable in every way possible and have their own home with their OH. I don't see what the problem is in that case. If they are ready, then they should go for it. Age is just a number, it doesn't define how mature or capable someone is.

 

[LilFlower08]

I don't agree with parents telling there children (or adult in your case) what to do. I think you'd be best to get yourself sorted out first ofcourse. All a baby needs is love and care from its parents but at the same time stability makes it thousands of times easier to provide those things. I live with my bf now and we found it easy to settle down and live together first off, but after things settle and novelty wears off it is an intense amount of time you spend together in which you find out traits about eachother you never knew you had. Some good some bad ofcourse, but they can cause problems and make it hard to work through.... And we both agreed at the time it was most difficult that we shouldn't bring someone else thats so innocent in on our problems. that would be unfair to the baby. But i think your brave to admit to eachother that a baby is wat you want and i applaud you for sticking by your decision! i just think your mum may be easier than you realise. Good luck... hope is all works out!!
xx

 

[sparkswillfly]

Its completely ridiculous that your parents would emotionally blackmail you in such a way! At the end of the day its your life, and if you want to move out then do it! You cant stay their baby forever. I would understand that they would be concerned about you moving too fast but thats really mean to say that to you. You cant live at home forever. If I was you I would hold my tongue and save up the money I needed to move out and then when you've got the resources you need sit them down and explain that you are moving in with your boyfriend because you love each other and want to start a life together one step at a time. Dont bring up a baby at this point because they will just tell you your too young etc... But what can they say to an 18 year old moving out of home? Nothing. Also explain to them that you care about them and this isnt because of them you just feel ready to move out. Then once you've left and been settled for a while they cant really say anything about you starting a family because moving in together would have been successful and you would be completely independent by then. Just try to avoid confrontation until you are ready to leave if that makes sense.

 

[Samo]

for teens TTC...i do hope you all know what you getting yourselves into, i'm sure you've thought about it and all and hope you really have things figured out. Now i also think if you're still living at your parents house and you're TTC and don't want to tell them or talk to them about it...it is a bit selfish (no offense!!) just that it effects them just as much as yourself! Does that make sense? You are planning on bringing a child into their home, accommodations need to be made in this case. If you are well on your own with your own place to raise your child then that is great. But if you plan to rely on your parents to help raise your child (whether it be shelter, food, baby support), i think they should at least know what is coming... a baby is quite a responsibility!

 

[sophiecouldwe]

my intensions were never to live at home and bring up a baby cos i completly understand how selfish that is as it is there home and their rules not mine but it was sumthin me and my OH planned and have thought through for months and months and i decided to wait until i had finished my A-levels and 6th form before we started TTC. i know that i should have told my parents before we started tryin but i almost knew that this would happen and i didnt want the stress and the arguments and everythin else. i agree with may of u tht i am very young but at the end of the day age is only a number and i feel ready for this and it makes me so happy. and made me so happy earlier in the year. my boyf and i are in a very stable relationship and we both earn enough him especially. i no we can do this i have looked into everythin. my parents just see me as a baby myself wiv no clue about life which totally untrue.

 

[sophiecouldwe]

In my opinion, 18 isn't a teenager, 18 is an adult. I think it's fine for 18 year olds to ttc if they are stable in every way possible and have their own home with their OH. I don't see what the problem is in that case. If they are ready, then they should go for it. Age is just a number, it doesn't define how mature or capable someone is.

i do completly agree with you here, thanku. this is my problem my parents keep tellin me how unnormal i am for having these feelings at such a young age but age is jst a number at the end of the day

 

[Lyrah]

It sure is hun, age is just number. And it's perfectly natural to feel that way, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way at all, we're only human after all.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

i just wanted to add my views about the topic of the parents who said they wish they were not so young when they had kids. while i know this is the case for some, its not the case for me. alexa is the best thing that ever happened to me. i asked my sister if she wished she were not so young when she had her kids and she said she would not change a thing. also, my ex boss, had a kid at seventeen and he said he was glad to have had a child young. he is twenty seven now and still does not regret it' also want to say as for the theory that you shouldnt settle down get married and or have kids until your 25 (just the typical age a person is apparently expected to settle down) and before that age, you should live a little and have fun. well, im a home body and my idea of fun is going for a walk, or to the mall by myself! im sorry but these are things i can do with a baby as well! so if i decided to wait until i was twenty five there would be a lot of wasted time.

 

[sparkswillfly]

i just wanted to add my views about the topic of the parents who said they wish they were not so young when they had kids. while i know this is the case for some, its not the case for me. alexa is the best thing that ever happened to me. i asked my sister if she wished she were not so young when she had her kids and she said she would not change a thing. also, my ex boss, had a kid at seventeen and he said he was glad to have had a child young. he is twenty seven now and still does not regret it'

Thats far enough but you have been with your partner for more than 7 years which is obviously a more than stable environment to bring a child into. The people that have previously commented on teens ttc and telling them to wait have basically said that they need to wait until they have moved out, lived with partner for a while and independent from parents etc.. Its not about being young its about being ready, because the issue isnt whether you want a baby so your going to have one. The main issue should be is this child going to have a loving stable life, and not come into a relationship that hasnt withstood the tests that living together/time brings.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

i totally agree with you sparkswillfly. i am sure i read an earlier post from someone saying just to generally wait til you are older and live a little. anyway, dont get me wrong, i am not trying to promote babies at young ages, as i know that just wanting a baby is not a good reason to have one, i just wanted to add that there are a few people out there that want it for the right reasons, and are mature and ready for it!

 

[alice&bump]

i find it really funny when old people give you funny looks for bein young and pregnant. we had this discussion at work, i'm the baby where i work, everyone else is atleast in their 30s. they were sayin 50 years ago, i'd have been married for years and already have kids, but for some reason its now not acceptable for young people to be pregnant!! at the end of the day age really is just a number, i know i'm more mature than my OH lol and he's 10 years older than me. most people my age are off at uni gettin pissed every night with not a care in the world.

good luck hun, you do sound like you're ready for it xx

 

[Amy]

I know you say you and your partner are stable and happy which is fantastic but have you had your fun together before you settle as a family, things like holidays together see a bit of the world together while you still can, thats one thing i wish i'd done

 

[Blah11]

my intensions were never to live at home and bring up a baby cos i completly understand how selfish that is as it is there home and their rules not mine but it was sumthin me and my OH planned and have thought through for months and months and i decided to wait until i had finished my A-levels and 6th form before we started TTC. i know that i should have told my parents before we started tryin but i almost knew that this would happen and i didnt want the stress and the arguments and everythin else. i agree with may of u tht i am very young but at the end of the day age is only a number and i feel ready for this and it makes me so happy. and made me so happy earlier in the year. my boyf and i are in a very stable relationship and we both earn enough him especially. i no we can do this i have looked into everythin. my parents just see me as a baby myself wiv no clue about life which totally untrue.

Well shouldn't you get a house BEFORE you start TTC? 9 months flies by. I'm currently trying to buy a house and I only have 4 months left before the baby is here and it's taking a long time.

+I know you're in love and think he's the most amazing thing ever now, but could you do it single? If anything should happen to your relationship, you'd lose a huge percentage of your combined wage and child support is quite pathetic.